Are you joking!

Mart

Mart

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We all need a bit of a laugh at times especially now, I found a selected few jokes referring to deafness, these are not aimed at being offensive or ridicule anyone, just hopefully seen here as humour, feel free to add some of your own.

Patient – “Doctor I think I’m going deaf.”

Doctor – “Well, what are the symptoms?”

Patient – “They are the yellow families that you see on TV but what does that have to do with my problem.”


I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listens to me.”


My ex-wife who is deaf left me for another deaf person. To be honest, I should have seen the sign”.


I am so sick of deaf people. They never listen.”


Two hard-of-hearing people were talking to each other and one was saying about how he loves his new hearing aids.

It’s high-tech state-of-the-art, it’s amazing he can hear everything.

His other friends said “Well that sounds good. Maybe I should get one. What kind is it?”

And he said “it’s quarter to six.”

:D:D:D:D
 
The biggest Deaf Related item I can tell you all is this.

Boy meets pretty girl on street. Goes to introduce himself in sign knowing she is deaf.

Well the girl is deep into her smartphone tapping away with head bowed and did not see anything or anyone else. When she finally notices the boy trying to talk to her she sticks a finger up saying "WAIT A MINUTE" with the head bowed.

It works better in signs and a little patomine than it does in English words.
 
Mart said:
We all need a bit of a laugh at times especially now, I found a selected few jokes referring to deafness, these are not aimed at being offensive or ridicule anyone, just hopefully seen here as humour, feel free to add some of your own.

Patient – “Doctor I think I’m going deaf.”

Doctor – “Well, what are the symptoms?”

Patient – “They are the yellow families that you see on TV but what does that have to do with my problem.”


I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listens to me.”


My ex-wife who is deaf left me for another deaf person. To be honest, I should have seen the sign”.


I am so sick of deaf people. They never listen.”


Two hard-of-hearing people were talking to each other and one was saying about how he loves his new hearing aids.

It’s high-tech state-of-the-art, it’s amazing he can hear everything.

His other friends said “Well that sounds good. Maybe I should get one. What kind is it?”

And he said “it’s quarter to six.”

:D:D:D:D
Click to expand...
Wait! I don’t understand the first one..
 
CoffeeFanatic said:
Shit never mind Simpsons… Symptoms… I got it now. (‍♀️)
Click to expand...
Better late than never. :mrgreen:


If a Deaf child swears does his mother wash his hands with soap and water?

Deafness is becoming quite a problem for me.
I never thought I would hear myself say that.

Question: How do you stop Deaf people arguing?
Answer: turn the lights off!. :dance2::dance2:
 
What do Bosses do with deaf workers.

YELL LOUDER.

Then gets teased by other hearing workers for being such a dunce....

Here is my personal favorite, thanks to a certain hearing person who mastered ASL and is fluent so I treat her as one of the deaf....

You think to meet Deaf People. Keep in mind "We" (The deaf) get to name you.

Just remember, "We" can name you anything we want.

I had a encounter with a local Lawman Chief irate over the idea that I failed to stop in his one stoplight town. (Made a choice not to... technical braking reasons related to which is the least expensive option. A ticket or a destroyed gas station. on ice) There he is standing on the fuel tank verbally abusing me with profanity and repeating over and over this little tidbit.

"DIDNT YOU HEAR ME SAY STOP! RED MEANS STOP!!"

Ofc not Officer, I am deaf. I didnt know that Colors could talk since I quit the LSD days long ago.

Officer turns various colors in a form of anger while underlings tease him and laugh.

And you wonder why sometimes a ticket is pretty expensive. (I paid it same day..> I carried enough to cover those)

Another Lawman, for some reason they must use simple words a Child can understand and hear.... (Key word hear...)

I once put the 18 wheeler into a spot where it would just only fit. The two drive axles and 8 tires were sitting on a pile of about 30 discarded and rusting no parking signs in the dirt below. Went into dinner. Happened to see a knot of Officers gathered about waiting for me to return to that particular truck. Finished my dinner slowly, took two hours before everything was done properly.

Went out to the officers around the truck, greeted them and asked can I help you all? (Knowing damn well that its no parking...)

Officer: "DIDNT YOU HEAR THOSE SIGNS SAY NO PARKING?!?"

give me a minute while I adjust the hearing aids and ask you to rephrase the question, its does not make sense.

Well they did not like that too much, treated me to a big fat ticket and a bunch of other scary abuse. How dare I etc. A deaf person etc.

I not only paid the ticket in a hour but also gave a little extra. Maybe some children in very bad situations will have a nice teddy given to them or something.
 
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If You Like Music, here's one.
come to think about it, this could be a "Deaf" bartender, speaking in sign to his deaf customers.

C, E-Flat, and G, go into a bar. The bartender says, "we don't serve minors", so E-Flat leaves, and C and G, share an open Fifth between them. After a few drinks, the Fifth is Diminished, and G is out Flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not Sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "I'll just be a Second". Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C, is not a Minor. Then he notices B-Flat, hiding at the end of the bar, and says, "you're the Seventh Minor I've found in this bar tonight". E-Flat comes back the next night in a three piece suit, with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking pretty Sharp tonight", come on in, this could be a Major development. Shure enough, E-Flat takes off his suit, and everything else, and is Au Natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror, that he's under a Rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the Diminution of a Minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda, at an Upscale correctional facility.
 
Hey Malus, that's awesome, that's the best music related humour I've heard in a long while.:rofl:

You do need to understand the music scales & notations to get that humour ( I used play the piano many years back ):wiggle:
 
Mart said:
Hey Malus, that's awesome, that's the best music related humour I've heard in a long while.:rofl:

You do need to understand the music scales & notations to get that humour ( I used play the piano many years back ):wiggle:
Click to expand...
Could this be put into ASL, so others could enjoy the Visual of it too?
 
malus handle said:
Could this be put into ASL, so others could enjoy the Visual of it too?
Click to expand...

Hiya Malus, I'm not too sure, I've only been hoh for around 2 years & have an excellent hearing aid, so I haven't learnt any BSL or ASL, so have little knowledge of what's out there for musical signage, but I'm sure there must be, just a case of Googling, it would be nice if there is.
 
Would this be good to teach or help explain music? Breaking it down is helping me to understand that which I never understood:cool2:
 
Old Analog said:
Would this be good to teach or help explain music? Breaking it down is helping me to understand that which I never understood:cool2:
Click to expand...
Question:
Could a Deaf from birth person "feel",(or "hear through their skull)", the vibrations of a tuning fork held in their teeth.? and if they could, differentiate the different tuning forks. I am HOH, and my favorite tuning is A-432.
This would be good to help others know music better, especially kids. So sad that they have taken Music and Shop out of early education.
 
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It’s ok he didn’t either!.

Two years ago, my doctor told me I was going deaf,
I haven’t heard from him since.

I wrote a terrible joke about deaf people,
I’m just glad they’ll never hear it.

Angus is a bit short of money so he rings his friend Dougal to ask if he can borrow £ 10, he reverses the phone call & Dougal accepts the charge.

Angus says: 'Can you lend me £ 10? & I'll pay you back' Dougal says: 'I cant hear, You'll have to speak up' Angus, this time a bit louder: 'I need to borrow £ 10'

Dougal replies: 'I still cant hear you, speak louder' Angus talks louder again: 'I need to borrow £ 10!'

Dougal: 'This line is terrible, I still cant hear you'

At this point Angus is practically screaming into the phone: 'I NEED TO BORROW £ 10!' It's at this point the operator chips in & says: 'There's nothing wrong with the line, I can hear him just fine'

Dougal replies: 'In that case, why don't you lend him the £ 10?'

Everyone tells me I'm funny, but I don't listen to them.:dance2:

It's ok!, I'm just joking!!!!.:booty::rofl:
 
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We had a DJ at the Deaf School for a School Dance in the Gym. He was told that power is not a issue, make sure we enjoy the music.

We gathered around his pair of 5 foot Marshalls. There was a spot near the boxes that the music was so loud that its silent. "Wow, is this thing on?" yes look at it bouncing on the floor and pulling on the local lights a little bit brown with every beat.

I suppose if i hear Jack and Diane one more time... just. on.. aw never mind. we had a good night.

The Music I got. I actually understood it and enjoyed it strictly for what it was. Im a little bit of a music person but not very good. Not that it matters, hes deaf. Is not supposed to be good.

Oh. As if that cleared it up for them. HE HE HE.

One time in Beatty NV in the hot sun of midday I was with wife in a eating place. The truck was pretty much left it as it was because there was hardly any traffic on main street almost wide enough to turn a 6 horse stage coach. We come out and here is this person asking us not to move a minute.

?

Why not stranger? Oh the sun is saying it's dark and I want to wait 5 minutes to make sure it's dark like the sun says. We gave him 10. Im not sure what sort of answer he got when we finally drove away taking his shade with us. It was explained to us that it is very possible that the person had been experiencing problems with vision and shade was good. Bright sun bad. Why in the world didnt he move to day vermont or something. *Shrugs.

There are a number of jokes that are probably at risk of being lost. I remember when I was younger Looney Tunes or associated Cartoons built small shows of funny based on Regional or certain peoples. Usually in a tasteful manner but obviously pretty hard hitting to those who are not used to living in that particular time period. There was one called El Toro about Bugs Bunny engaged in a war with a bull that was itself very well done. However the way it was built requires some caution as the people who wrote the thing took much liberty license with just about everything in it. It would have been way better to just be entertained when Bugs won than to know all of the little things of that time and understand the various issues.

I hope that someday we can laugh at each other as we always have the magic trick is doing so without hurting someone. THAT can be rather dififcult to do in ASL or SEE because with Sign Language incorperating the body, emotions feelings and sometimes a near perfect imitation of so and so being referred to if not carefully conveyed can be really damaging. In the Dorms when people got that way I always told them you sure you want to do this?

Why?

Well, after you have done this for so and so I will now have a turn to make everyone laugh about you and so and so.

OH.

Sometimes what comes out of such a collaberation is something that is REALLY good without hurting anyone.
 
Here is one that I hope is enjoyable.

"Doctor my boyfriend and I cannot communicate in the bedroom."

Doctor (Sensing thin ice...) "Hmm hmm. What seems to be the trouble?"

"Well you see he insists on turning off the lights and its all dark."

I'll leave it here. The lesson is that talking with deaf does not work when it's dark.
 
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