Any Ideas?

Poor child.... need lots of counseling...needs lots of love and patiences..... in long run.. it might be successful...
 
Wow! This sounds like a case of extreme neglect to the
point of causing developmental delays. It will help if
you explain what you mean when you ask her for good
behaviour. For example:
My children come with me into the doctors office. I say
to them. I want you on your best behaivor while we are
here. (Most parents leave it at that) But I continue.
I say, "When I say good, that means, I want you to
stay in your seats, or play quietly with the toys over
there." Being specific helps and explaining the meaning
helps.
Again always compliment specifically when you
are in front of people. Say something like, "Wow,
I really like the way you walked so quietly in the
libray!" Be honest and sincere, be specific. Don't
say, "You were so good in there." Say, "It really
made me a proud parent when I was able to talk
to my friend with no interuptions." Or, "Gee,
I signed to my friend for 10 mins on the VRS
and you played quietly the whole time. I can't
wait to tell everyone how proud I am of you."
I hope I'm being clear. You have a very hard
job, but God bless you for it!
 
Updated....

Well well, I haven't been here for awhile... I know I am here for some more advices or may be familiar with this situation.

Here I go...

My stepdaughter is somewhat improving but still there is a lot of things to work on.

For one, we have been frustrated with her not being responsible with her things at school or out. She keeps losing her coats, gloves, and hats. She lost her coats 6 times. She would say, OH I wasn't cold! I had to take it off. But it was 10 degree outside!! (during her recess at school) Her teacher and I have reminded her many many many times to not to take it off so that she wont get sick or lose her things. Unfortunately, she doesnt listen. Then my husband and I came up with an idea. We wanted her to be more responsible, we bought a jar and marbles. If she keeps her things, listen her teacher, not to lie, clean up after herself and etc, it was getting better at first but everything went south. Her brother is about 2 1/2 younger than her. He was able to keep his coats and he behaves very well. He follows the rules and etc. He understood what he needs to do. He is earning a lot of marbles than he should have. I feel horrible. I don't know how to help her to earn. This idea was for her to improve and get some reward. That was the whole idea. I was told that from her previous counselor it would work. But... it's not.

Here is another thing, every week, we get her school work...she keep failing her reading and math. She just cannot keep up. I have worked so so hard with her at math... math is her weakest subject. I told her to count and use beans or use fingers to count. She simply cannot do it. She get all of her answers wrong. My husband and I have tried everything to help her. She would forget to count and she couldn't remember how. I am so frustrated. I know she has a communication disorders... I am beginning to think what did her mother do? Did she hit her head? or what? or is she autistic? I have no idea where I can begin to help her. School is not helping much. I want to send her to a specialist to research her behavior and mentally. Gosh... God knows how hard I have been trying to help her. Any idea?
 
Given what you've said, I think it's somewhat improbable that she's autistic. Regardless, with these sorts of concerns, I would suggest you at the least pay visit to a clinical psychologist for diagnostic test, as well as to a neurologist to rule out some major dysfunction.
 
Yes, I would suggest you to take Aleser´s advice but you also can check with child physican for test on your step-daughter, if you like to. Like what I suggest you in my last post. The child phyiscan confirmed thru test that he has ADD. Soon after that my son was sent to Occupational therapy with behavorial therapy when he was a little boy. My son is soon to be 15 years old and didn´t show his ADD behavior very much but very little. Help child an earlier is better than later.

Good Luck and keep update how your step-daughter´s development does.

 
Aleser said:
Given what you've said, I think it's somewhat improbable that she's autistic. Regardless, with these sorts of concerns, I would suggest you at the least pay visit to a clinical psychologist for diagnostic test, as well as to a neurologist to rule out some major dysfunction.
Click to expand...

I agree..I was thinking the same.
 
Take her to the doctor, counsler and specialist.

Right now I am taking my son to see the counseling for his behavior. He is not doing good this year as he have missed so many times from school.
 
My suggestion is what everyone else has been suggesting, to get a proper diagnosis on exactly what her problems are.

A counselor while good is not always the best answer. I would suggest you get her to a CHILD pyschologist and a CHILD anger management class. I would also suggest you look into possible home counseling. So that the counselors may be able to observe her in her home enviroment.

My guess is, that she is acting out her fears. She was taken from a abusive home and suddenly put into one that is good. She may be fearful of how long this will last.

I would also suggest not using a reward system for both her and her brother. It COULD lead to her feeling like she will never "measure up" to her younger brother. She may be feeling like why try? I will never be as good as my brother anyways and get all those marbles he has. To her it could be feeling like a competition. *Just a thought there*

Im not a professional by a long shot. But I did and still do have a son with problems.

I also agree that what this child really needs is a lot of love and somehow shown that what she endured in the past will never be repeated. That this is now her loving forever home.

As for the schoolwork, I wouldnt worry so much right now about her being behind in some subjects. Also be sure to strike a balance between *work* and play.

But most importantly seek a proper diagnosis on her EXACT conditions.
 
In addition to Bear's advice, I'd advise you to find a psychologist who is familiar with learning differences AND child abuse situtions.
Look into social services and see what's available in your area. There may be schools or programs or whatever for troubled kids. I'm not just talking about the residental ones either. It doesn't sound like she would need a theraputic boarding school, but social services may offer other things that might prove helpful.
 
Hey...thanks for your advice. I called the hospital and see if they can give some tests for her. I definitely want to help her and see her in a right place. Appreciate your help!! Thanks~ I ll send some updates if she get into program at the hospital. I am waiting to hear from them.
 
Ahh...

Here is an update with my stepdaughter, she is gradually getting better however she is still giving me some trouble. She gets in trouble in school that she hurts other kids. She has been stealing some stuff from someone's yard such as gardening things and decorative rocks. She made her younger brother to carry a HEAVY rock. I have been telling her that stealing people's things are not ok. She keeps stealing and hurting other kids. Not to mention that she has been getting her brother in trouble by lying to me.

I am going nuts. Help. I dont know what to do. I took her to the doctor and they said that all we have to keep trying which I have been!!!! Gosh... any suggestions?!
 
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