Advice about being hard of hearing in the hearing world

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Clau

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Hi everyone,

I am hard of hearing. I was raised in the hearing world, therefore i haven't have contact with the deaf community.

Let's say i am in a point of my life that i need to speak about my hearing loss and to find strategies to live with it. When i realized that, i turned into this website and many others, which has been really helpful.

I also turned into my friends who are all hearing. But this has been..dissapointing. I mean i have several longtime friends, some are still very close and others are not. My point is, that when i speak to my close friends about the situations i have to deal with or i may face due to my hearing loss, they come up with answers like these:

"You are a very smart girl and i know that everything will work out for you with no problems" or "be happy" or "you should not do it, because you will get depressed"

To be honest i had a lot of trouble with those answers. I am a very pragmatic person and they seem to believe that things will work out with rainbow kisses and unicorn stickers.

I Feel that i can't count on them for these particular issues, and i have found myself putting a distance between us. It is extremely frustrating because well, in some cases has been 10 years of friendship, since high school and uni, and before i started to move away we used to speak about almost everything.

So, it isn't them who are moving away, it's me, because even though i know i can talk to them about anything else, i feel that they are not there for this.

So, i want to know what do you think. Am i being very hard on them? that maybe im expecting too much? that i want them to carry my burden? I dont want them to have any burden, just their adivces and strategies as usual between us.

Share your opinions please!
 
I think in life you often move on that don't mean you give up friends it means other people come into that phase you in
 
Hi Claudia: From my Canadian Hearing Society/Toronto- Coping and dealing with your Hearing loss classes-don't expect your "hearing friends" to be "knowledgable" about how to deal/cope with your Hearing loss. If one becomes "deaf" it gets much more difficult to communicate that condition.

All one can do if one doesn't Hear is to say so-every time that happens.
One must pay "attention" all time.

Another important thing-self acceptance by paying attention-all the time. One the difficulty of "speechreading" sounds down one's throat-not visible.
"PBM" quite visible while others or not-thus the context becomes important. This is only to English language.

It also is contingent at level of "loss" one is at. The difference between "profound" the highest to say "slight loss" is difficult to deal with.

One can gain insight from reading comments here in AllDeaf.com. The problem is: there are a number of different conditions in dealing with hearing-which is applicable to you?

aside: I have sensorineural loss-you?

Some thoughts to consider Claudia and good luck in your ongoing life journey.
 
Clau said:
"You are a very smart girl and i know that everything will work out for you with no problems" or "be happy" or "you should not do it, because you will get depressed"
Click to expand...

It would be helpful if we knew the specific questions you are asking those hearing people?

You are not going to lose your hearing friends. You are going to lose how you interacted with those people. You'll probably be interacting with them more one on one than in big groups.

Your life will change, but everyone's life changes. It's just that those changes are not the same for everyone.
 
VacationGuy234 said:
It would be helpful if we knew the specific questions you are asking those hearing people?

You are not going to lose your hearing friends. You are going to lose how you interacted with those people. You'll probably be interacting with them more one on one than in big groups.

Your life will change, but everyone's life changes. It's just that those changes are not the same for everyone.
Click to expand...

I was thinking that too, it would help if we knew what kind questions the OP was asking. I had a friend I knew my whole life and she never really got when I told her to not to yell at me if I did not understand a word.
 
I get it. I am going through the same thing now.

It is like whenever I talk about it to my friends/family, they think we are complaining or being sad about our situation. Like we are being unlucky facing difficulties. All they could say is "you are one of the smartest girl I have ever known"; or "Dont think about it too much/you are overthinking". And that very response make me feel bit more frustrated than ever; because they are not really listening to us; rather trying to run away from our talking. Like they dont want to engage in those of talks. But then, what more answer you would expect from them? especially from those people who were never in our shoes; or have not met any other deaf/hoh. They don't really know how to deal in this sort of situation. So you cannot really take advice from them. It is either their pure ignorance in that part of interaction or they are avoiding those talk. I mean you say those thing "you are bravest, blah blah" to those who are having doubt in themselves aka insecurities. But we are not even having that. All we are doing is expressing our situation or just want a person to listen to us. Not exactly asking for an advice; just an understanding. If a friend/family could not do that much, that is when you know the level of understanding/closeness between you and them.

I know it suck to feel that way; when everyone keep giving the same response whenever
you talk about it. But unless you explain it to them that how much it annoy you when you hear that; they will never stopped. Just tell them you dont exactly want assurance or advice; just an acknowledgement of your trouble would do. And explain to them being braves/smartest person wont stop us being deaf/hoh. That part will always remain with us no matter our IQ/strength is. We all have different kind of trait.

In response to your last paragraph; like I said unless people know about deafness or dealing with it; you really could not get answer from them. If you want to find solutions; you should ask another hoh person/ person who know about the situation. And no, you are putting burden on them; but you cannot expect too much from them either. You could ease tha awkardness of your friends/family by taking sign language class together; or discussing the aspect of deaf world(like introduce them to switched at birth and talk over it). That is how my friends got to know more about situation. For some strange reason they understood it through entertainment; even though they have seen me dealing and going through the same situation. I guess telivision power? :P
 
sarahkhan said:
I get it. I am going through the same thing now.

It is like whenever I talk about it to my friends/family, they think we are complaining or being sad about our situation. Like we are being unlucky facing difficulties. All they could say is "you are one of the smartest girl I have ever known"; or "Dont think about it too much/you are overthinking". And that very response make me feel bit more frustrated than ever; because they are not really listening to us; rather trying to run away from our talking. Like they dont want to engage in those of talks. But then, what more answer you would expect from them? especially from those people who were never in our shoes; or have not met any other deaf/hoh. They don't really know how to deal in this sort of situation. So you cannot really take advice from them. It is either their pure ignorance in that part of interaction or they are avoiding those talk. I mean you say those thing "you are bravest, blah blah" to those who are having doubt in themselves aka insecurities. But we are not even having that. All we are doing is expressing our situation or just want a person to listen to us. Not exactly asking for an advice; just an understanding. If a friend/family could not do that much, that is when you know the level of understanding/closeness between you and them.

I know it suck to feel that way; when everyone keep giving the same response whenever
you talk about it. But unless you explain it to them that how much it annoy you when you hear that; they will never stopped. Just tell them you dont exactly want assurance or advice; just an acknowledgement of your trouble would do. And explain to them being braves/smartest person wont stop us being deaf/hoh. That part will always remain with us no matter our IQ/strength is. We all have different kind of trait.

In response to your last paragraph; like I said unless people know about deafness or dealing with it; you really could not get answer from them. If you want to find solutions; you should ask another hoh person/ person who know about the situation. And no, you are putting burden on them; but you cannot expect too much from them either. You could ease tha awkardness of your friends/family by taking sign language class together; or discussing the aspect of deaf world(like introduce them to switched at birth and talk over it). That is how my friends got to know more about situation. For some strange reason they understood it through entertainment; even though they have seen me dealing and going through the same situation. I guess telivision power? :P
Click to expand...

I am not sure if hearing people will never really stop saying things like that. They just can't relate to what it's like being deaf or hoh . I do not know how many times I told my mother to not talk to me while I have my back to her.
This drove me nuts, my mom had very good hearing and she just could not understand my hearing lost.
 
You're already 'living', with it. You want strategies to thrive with it. And while you can't expect those not In your situation to understand, their support still helps. You cannot ever really count on anyone for anything, or at least, you shouldn't, you'll be quickly disappointed. I could tell you what everyone else says, that everyone goes through changes that demand a new support group. Most people have friends that serve a partial support, not only should one person not bear such a load. They are not and may never be equipped to do so. But you know that, just keep connected despite adversity. One way is to be yourself know yourself and accept yourself. Show me someone whose succeeded at this and I'll show you a liar. But the more you try to do those things the more things will actually become clearer.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using AllDeaf App mobile app
 
I been dealing with hoh for past 20 years. I'm deaf in one ear and my hearing has plummeted to where I am now having trouble understanding conversations etc in my other ear. I found a lot of good advice on here for how to cope.

I do see that people don't get the hoh thing. I can explain it to them, but they think it's just like I just have low volume and the hearing aid makes it ok. Far from it, some days that don't help even

I also find that people forget a lot that I'm hoh. I constantly have to remind people, especially at work It's frustrating, but I'm researching and trying to work my way for changes I need to make now

I hope everybody with hoh or deafness issues just keeps pushing on and not let it get them down. It's not easy I know. I get a lift from reading peoples stories on here. It helps to know we are not alone
I


Sent from my iPhone using AllDeaf
 
Hi Sarahkhan. you really got it.

It is like whenever I talk about it to my friends/family, they think we are complaining or being sad about our situation. Like we are being unlucky facing difficulties. All they could say is "you are one of the smartest girl I have ever known"; or "Dont think about it too much/you are overthinking". And that very response make me feel bit more frustrated than ever; because they are not really listening to us; rather trying to run away from our talking. Like they dont want to engage in those of talks. But then, what more answer you would expect from them? especially from those people who were never in our shoes; or have not met any other deaf/hoh. They don't really know how to deal in this sort of situation. So you cannot really take advice from them. It is either their pure ignorance in that part of interaction or they are avoiding those talk.

I know it suck to feel that way; when everyone keep giving the same response whenever
you talk about it. But unless you explain it to them that how much it annoy you when you hear that; they will never stopped. Just tell them you dont exactly want assurance or advice; just an acknowledgement of your trouble would do. And explain to them being braves/smartest person wont stop us being deaf/hoh. That part will always remain with us no matter our IQ/strength is. We all have different kind of trait.

In response to your last paragraph; like I said unless people know about deafness or dealing with it; you really could not get answer from them. If you want to find solutions; you should ask another hoh person/ person who know about the situation. And no, you are putting burden on them; but you cannot expect too much from them either. You could ease tha awkardness of your friends/family by taking sign language class together; or discussing the aspect of deaf world(like introduce them to switched at birth and talk over it). That is how my friends got to know more about situation. For some strange reason they understood it through entertainment; even though they have seen me dealing and going through the same situation. I guess telivision power? :P[/QUOTE]


Yeah, it sucks feeling that way, because after all these years of friendship, this is the very first thing we can't really talk about. The thing is, for many years i didn't feel the need to speak about it, as i really didn't consider myself as HOH person, but i got to a point of my life where i realize that im actually HOH and that i need to live with it and talk about it. So im going through a transition, and it is really frustrating to realize that cant count on your longtime friends the way you expected to be or used to be.

I agree that the best way to get strategies is asking/talking to other HOH person.

Nothingless: i can't agree more with everything you have said.
Michman49: "I'm researching and trying to work my way for changes I need to make now" That's exactly what im doing.
 
I am currently trying to deal with this similar issue with my family and friends with spending the last 46 yrs just being me and not worrying about the HOH part of me. I just realized that I am a HOH person and coming to terms with it has been rough. It is frustrating to talk about it and can be down right depressing at times.
I agree with you in all that you are doing. The best strategy is to continue to be YOU. Ask them to repeat when necessary. Take a class together in sign. .. research ways to keep the door of your friendship open. In my case, let go of what it was and what it will be and I finally needed to see a therapist to help me ( starting soon ).
 
I'm in the same boat. I didn't start losing hearing until I was 23 so I grow up hearing with hearing friends. Even my family is hearing.

I tried to just suck it up in a way since I still hear some sounds but after awhile I noticed I distanced myself from friends and some family. I would go to get togethers and family functions but it was getting to hard to understand conversations and I hate saying "huh" all the time so eventually I stopped being around most of them.

I feel like they didn't really understand and on Facebook I would get messages from friends saying I forgot them so a few days ago I let everyone on my Facebook know what I was going through and how I didn't mean to disappear on anyone.

I want to keep all my friends but I have adjusting todo.
 
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