Adjustment to late onset deafness

It could be because you love her and you are more focused and caring for her.
 
This is true. I love the child like nothing else...except my husband, but I love him in a different way, but not any less. It's probably something to do with the fact that I know she could get really hurt if I don't protect her. Jason isn't likely to get hurt. He's tougher then an old oak tree.
 
November Gypsy said:
This is true. I love the child like nothing else...except my husband, but I love him in a different way, but not any less. It's probably something to do with the fact that I know she could get really hurt if I don't protect her. Jason isn't likely to get hurt. He's tougher then an old oak tree.
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It is very true that a mother's love for her child is like no other love on this earth.
 
Oh, but I couldn't help but love her. No one could, I'm convinced! She's the most precious little butterfly. It helps, of course, that I've always wanted to be a mommy, so I do have some of that 'maternal instinct' I suppose.
 
November Gypsy said:
Oh, but I couldn't help but love her. No one could, I'm convinced! She's the most precious little butterfly. It helps, of course, that I've always wanted to be a mommy, so I do have some of that 'maternal instinct' I suppose.
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I would say that your maternal instinct is very strong.
 
I have a neighbor who is legally blind, and she is losing her hearing. A couple months ago during a conversation I urged her to become involved in the blind/deaf community and learn signing. I was taken aback by her husband's resistance to that idea, but two months later I can see changes in both of them. I am learning tacile sign and am amazed at how complex it is to carry on a conversation. Dang, one person's condition affects everyone, but that is fine with me. I will live in interesting times, lol.
 
I think spouses who are hearing/seeing think that joining the deaf/blind community is like waving the white flag of surrender, if you know what I mean. To them, it may seem like it's not 'fighting' anymore. They have to adjust too, though there was a time when I didn't realize that. Now I do though. Are you deaf/blind or are you just learning tacile because you want to (which is fine as well)?
 
Perhaps we can help them to see that it is acceptance rather than surrender. Fighting against what cannot be changed or for a step back in time to what was is never productive. It just saps the energy that can be put toward coping.
 
November Gypsy said:
I think spouses who are hearing/seeing think that joining the deaf/blind community is like waving the white flag of surrender, if you know what I mean. To them, it may seem like it's not 'fighting' anymore. They have to adjust too, though there was a time when I didn't realize that. Now I do though. Are you deaf/blind or are you just learning tacile because you want to (which is fine as well)?
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A person's reluctance to change is not something I can judge since there are so many dynamics to it. Like you, it is something I can either accept or avoid, and it would be cruel to avoid those with something that would challenge you. Deaf/blind is something new to me and I will just go with the flow, lol. And btw, I am profoundly deaf.
 
You are right of course...but I think we as humans want to think that if we just fight hard enough, if we just refuse to accept a thing...then that thing doesn't have to happen. This can be a postive behavior, of course, but it can also be, as you said, draining. It can also be heartbreaking, as I know full well. There is a very fine balance between knowing when to refuse to give up, when it is best to be a fighter, and knowing when it is best for everyone to choose to be strong enough to accept and adjust to a given situation, rather then railing againist the heavens, as it were.
 
Beowulf said:
A person's reluctance to change is not something I can judge since there are so many dynamics to it. Like you, it is something I can either accept or avoid, and it would be cruel to avoid those with something that would challenge you. Deaf/blind is something new to me and I will just go with the flow, lol. And btw, I am profoundly deaf.
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Nice to meet you *Smile* Was just dianosed as profoundly deaf in one ear and severly in the other. It is cruel to avoid others because they are not 'the same' as yourself..I think that can be a hard lesson for most of us. Thank goodness, my father taught me from a very young age that all people are, in fact, people, and differences do not change their needs to be loved and accepted for who they are.
 
November Gypsy said:
Nice to meet you *Smile* Was just dianosed as profoundly deaf in one ear and severly in the other. It is cruel to avoid others because they are not 'the same' as yourself..I think that can be a hard lesson for most of us. Thank goodness, my father taught me from a very young age that all people are, in fact, people, and differences do not change their needs to be loved and accepted for who they are.
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Bingo! To paraphrase Obama, treat a person with kindness and respect and he/she will eventually respond likewise.
Glad to meet you, too. Smile
 
i was born premature at 6 months to 7 months with syphilis, i died once at the birth and the miracle happens.. THAT i was LUCKY to be alive twice. i had a severed ear damages in my left and mild damages in my right. also almost went blind in my left eye but healed quickly as i grew out of. but i dont speak well as every other HOHs out there, i considered myself deaf as i shall be good enough to understand in both choice as i couldnt hear/speak well but i can listen/talk very little well if i had plenty hours of patience.

i did always wondered if my life would be COMPLETELY different if i was hearing and everything will be infinite clear but i believe that it will not make me be who i am today. i'd known that i would have been married, having kids now and living somewhere else living the life i wish to fulfilled as a hearing person.

so i grew up in deaf programs til high school era hits, i transfered to deaf school in austin, tx - graduated and yada yada as the long timeline went by to this day. i love music, i wish i could sing them in front audience but its impossible because i would never knew how to train myself verbally. but physically with hands is too easy and i wished there would be deaf singers.

other than being singer, i have many many goals to prove my success but i cant just stay on one goals. i live in dallas, tx -- im still struggling with their closeness mind just because they never met a deaf person before. of course i dont blame them but i just wish the cultures from this community could provide a better services for US to fit in. its still tough pieces for them to puzzle us in completely.
 
Oh, Gypsy, thanks for bringing this up! I sooo flooded my house. I started the dishwater. So sure I turned it off..... 3 fully wet rooms later.... my husband laughing....searching desperately for the wet/dry vac, old towels, wayyyy beyond mop help! It took forever to dry and I buckled some wood. As I get older, I wonder whats gonna happen when my forgettery works better than my memory? ha!
 
Oh why haven't I found you guys sooner? Reading some of these stories really helps that it's not just me, I just haven't learned how to cope. I either ignore people or pretend I hear them.

When I was 22 I started getting vicious ear infections. I ended up spending 2 years on pain medication and came out with tubes and my ears and a vicoden addiction. I thought everything was fine until I noticed some minor hearing loss, I honestly thought my ears needed cleaning. I was terrified to touch them (and still am) because of the long bout of infections. So I went to have them cleaned by my doctor but he didn't find anything causing it. He did a hearing test and noted some hearing loss. It's progressed. Three times I've woken up to quite a large amount of hearing loss. My original doctor confirmed it.

We moved and when the second significant loss of hearing happened I went to the doctor. He stuck me in a silent room with headphones and then told me I had no hearing loss. After a few months of this I gave up, no sense in wasting money for that. My family can no longer talk to me unless they get my attention and I'm facing them. I feel so rude on the phone when someone calls with a heavy accent. If they can't direct me to someone else more clear then I have to hang up.

I just wish it would end. Just finally go completely deaf. I hate this in between stage. Sometimes you hear things and sometimes you don't. No one remembers to tap your shoulder and look at you when they talk. Everyone gets tired of repeating themselves. I get tired of repeating myself. I get tired of being too loud or too low or slurring my words.I get tired of blurring voices. I get tired of folks who think you're either hearing or deaf, as if there's nothing in-between. It sucks to have people say "I told you that" and you can't exactly say "Oh? That day? I was pretending I heard you and just nodded my head".

I have gotten better at reading lips, though trying to listen and read lips kind of gives me a headache..but that could just be me concentrating too hard. To be honest, I'm fairly ok with losing my hearing. Only every once in a while does it get me down and only a bit. It's really dealing with others dealing with me that causes me all the trouble. THEY get me down a lot. How will my life end up when my hearing is gone if they don't face it now?
 
Nan_Mathews said:
Oh, Gypsy, thanks for bringing this up! I sooo flooded my house. I started the dishwater. So sure I turned it off..... 3 fully wet rooms later.... my husband laughing....searching desperately for the wet/dry vac, old towels, wayyyy beyond mop help! It took forever to dry and I buckled some wood. As I get older, I wonder whats gonna happen when my forgettery works better than my memory? ha!
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*Laughs and hugs Nan* Wonderful. I'm not the only one! I love that your husband laughs, I'm lucky that way too. I'm under the impression that my 'forgettery' (wonderful word) has always worked better then my memory! Do you know, I'm seriously thinking of legally changing my name to Gypsy?
 
Jalestra said:
Oh why haven't I found you guys sooner? Reading some of these stories really helps that it's not just me, I just haven't learned how to cope. I either ignore people or pretend I hear them.

When I was 22 I started getting vicious ear infections. I ended up spending 2 years on pain medication and came out with tubes and my ears and a vicoden addiction. I thought everything was fine until I noticed some minor hearing loss, I honestly thought my ears needed cleaning. I was terrified to touch them (and still am) because of the long bout of infections. So I went to have them cleaned by my doctor but he didn't find anything causing it. He did a hearing test and noted some hearing loss. It's progressed. Three times I've woken up to quite a large amount of hearing loss. My original doctor confirmed it.

We moved and when the second significant loss of hearing happened I went to the doctor. He stuck me in a silent room with headphones and then told me I had no hearing loss. After a few months of this I gave up, no sense in wasting money for that. My family can no longer talk to me unless they get my attention and I'm facing them. I feel so rude on the phone when someone calls with a heavy accent. If they can't direct me to someone else more clear then I have to hang up.

I just wish it would end. Just finally go completely deaf. I hate this in between stage. Sometimes you hear things and sometimes you don't. No one remembers to tap your shoulder and look at you when they talk. Everyone gets tired of repeating themselves. I get tired of repeating myself. I get tired of being too loud or too low or slurring my words.I get tired of blurring voices. I get tired of folks who think you're either hearing or deaf, as if there's nothing in-between. It sucks to have people say "I told you that" and you can't exactly say "Oh? That day? I was pretending I heard you and just nodded my head".

I have gotten better at reading lips, though trying to listen and read lips kind of gives me a headache..but that could just be me concentrating too hard. To be honest, I'm fairly ok with losing my hearing. Only every once in a while does it get me down and only a bit. It's really dealing with others dealing with me that causes me all the trouble. THEY get me down a lot. How will my life end up when my hearing is gone if they don't face it now?
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*Big hug* Sweetheart, I understand. I really, entirely do. I had mysterious ear infections (which my ENT insists has nothing to do with the fact that I am now severly/profoundly hoh...right). I have been diagnosed with Meinere's and am hanging on to little bits of sound by a thread. I totally get what you mean when you say you wish you could go completely deaf. I feel that way quite a lot. I hate talking on the phone, I am getting good a lipreading, but like you, I often have to pretend. I will say this though: I am waking up less in dread of it now. This has been going on for about three-four years, and I am, finally, learning how to live with it a little. It's hard. I feel so left out and alone sometimes, but you know what? We aren't alone. I wish I could really give you a hug. You pm any time you want to talk. My mother feels that I'm not 'trying' (how you 'try' not to go deaf, I don't know) and so I get that too. You know what? They are going to have adjust...it's hard for them too, though, because they feel that they should be able to do something about it. It's hard for them to accept that they can't. I think you will find comfort here. They are nice people on here and they have lots of experience. I can tell you from the bottom of my heart that it is possible to have a life, and a good one, while you are hoh/deaf. I am still just learning this but I know it to be true. I hope I helped a little!
 
Hi Jalestra. November Gypsy and all!! I want to welcome Jalestra, who I don't know that I saw before, on, and give :wave: ! My newly diagnosed loss, while not as severe as that of your guys, is also still a change for me. I think of it as an opportunity <maybe sounds "silly" to you, take it as you wish>
But I can relate to frustration of not understanding or being understood cuz I have LD, and for me that can mean <among many things> that just because I hear something does not mean I understand it. I have oral processing problems, problems with sequence, spatial orientation. Not same as hoh but has a bit of same effect. In relation to LD, my mom doesn't believe it and thinks not I'm not trying hard enough.
Just trying to write that I am here for people to share with -

peace:grouphug:
 
Ah mothers. I hope to goodness I somehow manage to be completely unlike mine. Anyway, Dogmom, of course you aren't silly! You are right...in the face of adversity, we often have opportunities to grow and become better people...as cheesy as that may sound, I firmly believe it. I have LD too (maybe you remember) and so can relate on both levels. And just because your hearing loss isn't as 'bad' doesn't mean it isn't a challange. We love you!
 
:ty: November Gypsy! How are you this morning? Yes, I remembered that you have LD too and so we have a couple of things in common. I think this is one reason why the forums are so important!
mothers, that's such an interesting relationship, in the twists and turns!
 
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