Adjustment to late onset deafness

I used to have a bit of claustrophobia when it comes to groups. I used to feel overwhelmed with all of the chattering and noises and trying so hard to concentrate on one person at a time. I have finally come to accept that I will never understand everything in such a group. I just focus one one person at a time and if possible pull them aside for a better chat. People often forget that I cannot hear well and so it gets tiring to keep asking people to repeat. But I've slowly come to accept my limitations in a group setting so I'm not nearly as upset afterward as I used to be. I also eat a lot at these kinds of gatherings... must be a coping mechanism.
 
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I think one of the reasons I've always talked a lot in group conversations, why I've always been known to entertain the crowd, is because if *I'm* talking, then I know what's going on.

I hate feeling isolated, surrounded by people I love. I hate getting frustrated at the one person who's *trying* to help, because she is making me feel self-concious by making an issue out of my lack of hearing, and because she gets distracted mid sentence.

You know, even with forgetting most of the ASL I once knew, I felt much less left out when I went to Mayfest this year. My one and only Deaf event--I was terrified to go. Felt like I didn't have any right to go. But I understood more of what was going on that I ever do when I'm around my pals.

*sigh* Can I just skip my birthday again this year?
 
You shouldn't skip your birthday!!! When is it? I might actually be going to Ottawa next weekend so we never know! ;)
 
Ooh, if you come to Ottawa we MUST get together!

My birthday is Sept 7, my kidlet's is the 17th. Two potential parties, close together, I don't think I'm up to it...

Maybe I am just cranky today, and will be back to my more positive outlook tomorrow.
 
Cheetah said:
Bad hair cut Jiro? :giggle:

Actually you would need an electron microscope to see the hair cells in the Cochlea. Not exactly practical. There is a lot of debate about why the hair cells stop functioning. Seems a lot depends on the balance of fluids in the cochlea, perhaps genetics, perhaps, perhaps, perhaps... We know so much but understand so little.
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That small? Interesting. It was always my understanding that the ear contains only a certain number of hair cells, about 40,000 of them or so, and that they are irreplaceable. That is why people lose their hearing around loud noises: the hair cells are destroyed one by one until you cannot hear anything.
 
RachelRene said:
Ooh, if you come to Ottawa we MUST get together!

My birthday is Sept 7, my kidlet's is the 17th. Two potential parties, close together, I don't think I'm up to it...

Maybe I am just cranky today, and will be back to my more positive outlook tomorrow.
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don't skip your birthday! ...i know how you feel ..i went to my cousins bday sunday and I wanted to die..i ended up sneaking away to my cousins room and napping for an hr cuz it was SO noisy..19 kids and 22 adults..FML
 
RachelRene said:
Ooh, if you come to Ottawa we MUST get together!

My birthday is Sept 7, my kidlet's is the 17th. Two potential parties, close together, I don't think I'm up to it...

Maybe I am just cranky today, and will be back to my more positive outlook tomorrow.
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Apparently I won't be coming to Ottawa... I have ball practice and my ride wouldn't get me back on time.
 
Something has been bothering me lately...

I've came across several people (friends/family members/co-workers) who don't know about my hearing loss yet. The problem is that I don't know how to tell them without attracting pity and being embarrassed about it.

Tips anyone? I did make a massive "coming out" on facebook but apparently it didn't get to everyone.
 
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RachelRene said:
Anybody else have anxiety about groups?

My birthday is just around the corner, and my gf wants to throw me a party. That's awfully sweet, especially because she knows that my birthday is pretty much always overlooked. And I *love* my friends; they're an awesome, amusing, lovely group of people.

But the thought of it makes me almost sick to my stomach. The last gathering we had, I ended up crying after everyone left. I missed everything. My gf tried to interpret for me, but would start signing half a sentence and then get caught up talking... not to mention it made me feel on the spot.

It keeps going back to them being used to the way I heard before, and them thinking that hearing aids are the miracle cure... How do you deal with group situations?
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The worse my hearing gets, the more difficult groups become. I've basically given up on being part of a group anymore. What I do instead is look for opportunities to talk one-to-one with someone. In a large gathering which has more than one conversation going at the same time, I can usually find a single person to talk to, relying on my lipreading skills. But if it's a smallish group with everyone contributing to a single conversation thread then I'm lost and isolated. My only tactic is to be the one that introduces a fresh topic or tell a new joke instead of reacting to somebody else's contribution which obviously I can't hear enough to do so. Sometimes I'll memorise some new jokes to tell in a group or I'll remember some controversial piece from the news and offer it when the conversation pauses. It's embarrassing if somebody has already mentioned it though...
 
Cheetah said:
I used to have a bit of claustrophobia when it comes to groups. I used to feel overwhelmed with all of the chattering and noises and trying so hard to concentrate on one person at a time. I have finally come to accept that I will never understand everything in such a group. I just focus one one person at a time and if possible pull them aside for a better chat. People often forget that I cannot hear well and so it gets tiring to keep asking people to repeat. But I've slowly come to accept my limitations in a group setting so I'm not nearly as upset afterward as I used to be. I also eat a lot at these kinds of gatherings... must be a coping mechanism.
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Same here. A couple of times I've drunk too much as a coping mechanism which I feel embarrassed about afterwards. A double embarrassment of being deaf and drunk :Oops:
 
lilybear said:
Something has been bothering me lately...

I've came across several people (friends/family members/co-workers) who don't know about my hearing loss yet. The problem is that I don't know how to tell them without attracting pity and being embarrassed about it.

Tips anyone? I did make a massive "coming out" on facebook but apparently it didn't get to everyone.
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Hearing people on facebook are weird about anything deaf. Mention any deaf subject in your status update and it will be ignored...usually.

Just be matter of fact about your deafness. If these are people who already know you then maybe you can bring it up in the context of "hey, guess what?" "what?" "I'm deaf! So, here's the deal - for me to understand you better, this is what you need to do...." If people get pitiful, tell them there's no need to be, it's not a disease, just a different lifestyle. If they say "oh, I'm sorry" then smile and tell them there's no need to be for you're not. Hearing people will follow your cue so if you get embarrassed, so will they so sometimes you need to be the one who puts them at ease.
 
RachelRene said:
Anybody else have anxiety about groups?

My birthday is just around the corner, and my gf wants to throw me a party. That's awfully sweet, especially because she knows that my birthday is pretty much always overlooked. And I *love* my friends; they're an awesome, amusing, lovely group of people.

But the thought of it makes me almost sick to my stomach. The last gathering we had, I ended up crying after everyone left. I missed everything. My gf tried to interpret for me, but would start signing half a sentence and then get caught up talking... not to mention it made me feel on the spot.

It keeps going back to them being used to the way I heard before, and them thinking that hearing aids are the miracle cure... How do you deal with group situations?
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Tell your girlfriend the truth - and maybe opt for a very small gathering like you, your girlfriend and just 2 other people and have a really nice intimate dinner. And if you still wasn't following, then be blunt and say 'I invited you here because you're my closest friends and I would so dearly love to know what you're saying because you matter to me." my best friend and my boyfriend would talk directly to me when we're in a group setting and they would tell everyone else they do that so I can follow what's being said and then everyone else would follow their examples and talk to me directly when sharing a story or a joke. It works very well!

So, tell your girlfriend not to translate for you but to set an example for others by always talking to you directly when sharing a story with the group and have her explain to others she does that so you can follow what's going on. They will follow her example and do the same.

They are not mind readers and often forget so it's really up to you so tell them exactly what you need them to do. Sometimes people need to be told in black and white.
 
I have recently been found w/ near profound deafness.I now wear resound-alera 9 Ha,s. I have been having panic attacks trying to get back into the social world that has slowly fadedaway along w/ my hearing.I am amazed everyday when I put my Ha,s in and the sound,s of this world return,I Love hearing again but I,m feeling socially missfit and don,t know what to do.It,s hard to explain to others in the normal hearing world,and I,m getting tiredof trying to explain my self.
 
George Parker said:
I have recently been found w/ near profound deafness.I now wear resound-alera 9 Ha,s. I have been having panic attacks trying to get back into the social world that has slowly fadedaway along w/ my hearing.I am amazed everyday when I put my Ha,s in and the sound,s of this world return,I Love hearing again but I,m feeling socially missfit and don,t know what to do.It,s hard to explain to others in the normal hearing world,and I,m getting tiredof trying to explain my self.
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Welcome to AD and to this thread, George. I know that you feel very much alone right now. Stick around and discuss these things with other people who understand your situation. You will be amazed at how many people seem to be inside your head.:giggle: We are glad to have you join the group.
 
jillio said:
Welcome to AD and to this thread, George. I know that you feel very much alone right now. Stick around and discuss these things with other people who understand your situation. You will be amazed at how many people seem to be inside your head.:giggle: We are glad to have you join the group.
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And she doesn't mean that in a scary pyschotic way, either. :lol:
 
Hearing Again

Thank,s for the support.A friend told me George ,now that you can hear againyou have an opportunity to LISTEN to other,s....
 
Don't even get me started on the "listening" thing. People who said that I wasn't listening are no longer part of my life. What they really meant is that they don't want to be inconvenienced by accommodating my hearing loss. Sometimes you have to take stock and adjust the effort that you put into relationships.
Don't worry! There are plenty of 'your kind' out there. There are people who understand what you're going through. Really kind people who will make the effort to communicate with you. :D
 
sallylou said:
Don't even get me started on the "listening" thing. People who said that I wasn't listening are no longer part of my life. What they really meant is that they don't want to be inconvenienced by accommodating my hearing loss. Sometimes you have to take stock and adjust the effort that you put into relationships.
Don't worry! There are plenty of 'your kind' out there. There are people who understand what you're going through. Really kind people who will make the effort to communicate with you. :D
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I am coming to understand this more and more. I'm starting to take a hard look at my current friendships, and thinking about what kinds of relationships I hope to have.

Finding my own kind might be a good idea. :)
 
I'm so sorry I haven't posted a lot lately.

I started an internship in a hearing school 2 weeks ago and it's been very hard on my energy levels... I keep lurking but haven't had the time (or energy) to post until now.

As far as adapting to the school goes... everyone (including my grade 6 students) have been very accommodating and understanding. They make sure I can see them when they talk (since no one signs) and if I don't understand they repeat twice and if not they write it up. It's wonderful!

My parents also got interested in signing up for an ASL course... they can't attend the whole course because of work schedules but they can attend at least a class every 2 weeks. We just need to confirm with the teacher if that works out and we're set! :D
 
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