Maybe this isn't the best way to make friends here, by announcing that my subconscious (and quite possibly part of my conscious mind) is a total jerk and by being ignorant, but dang it, this really, really bothers me.
So last night I had a really bizarre dream. In it, my Deaf professor and I were going out to eat at a restaurant near our school; the waiter walked up to my professor, and was immediately frustrated to find out he was deaf. I jumped in (in my dream) and was like "Oh! I'll help! I know sign! I'll interpret!" My professor was immediately angry and essentially tore me a new one, telling me that he didn't need my help, that he could communicate just fine, that I was an audist, etc. All the while, I was signing I'm sorry, I know you're just fine, I know you can handle yourself, I'm sorry, over and over, like it hit me like a thunderbolt that I could be so dense and that he was so right.
It bothered me so much that I jerked awake.
Now I suspect that my subconscious is an audist and I feel terrible about it! Ugh! The worst part is, it took a dream for me to realize that I might actually DO something like that in a completely thoughtless way! It really makes me think about how right "Redefining Deaf" is, that we absolutely have to change the ideology involved in "Deaf". This stuff is so ingrained into us stupid hearing people that we can be total jerkfaces without even meaning to be. =( The first step to changing it probably is realizing it, but it sucks that our preconceived notions can make it so that little to no thought is required, that we act without even considering because we don't even know to stop to consider, and suddenly you've been a total jerk without even the slightest inkling that you were one!
So naturally I dwelled on this all day as I'm prone to doing, and started wondering about my job. I've told other servers that I'm happy to help them out if they have Deaf guests at their tables (since I'm the only one who knows any ASL--well, except what I've taught them), but now I'm starting to wonder if that's audist in itself. I mean, so far, this hasn't happened, but I guess my question is, how would that come across? If I were to come over and be like, "Hi, I'm Fiery. I'm going to help Nick here since he doesn't know how to sign"? Would that be okay, or does that imply something bad? If this happens, should I just make a point to stay out of it if it's not my table, or should I go and interpret? I just don't know!
Blah. I get myself so tied up in knots sometimes that it drives me crazy! Anyway, I apologize if any of this caused offense, it wasn't my intention. I'm just trying to walk myself out of this web of thoughtlessness and be a better person. =(
So last night I had a really bizarre dream. In it, my Deaf professor and I were going out to eat at a restaurant near our school; the waiter walked up to my professor, and was immediately frustrated to find out he was deaf. I jumped in (in my dream) and was like "Oh! I'll help! I know sign! I'll interpret!" My professor was immediately angry and essentially tore me a new one, telling me that he didn't need my help, that he could communicate just fine, that I was an audist, etc. All the while, I was signing I'm sorry, I know you're just fine, I know you can handle yourself, I'm sorry, over and over, like it hit me like a thunderbolt that I could be so dense and that he was so right.
It bothered me so much that I jerked awake.
Now I suspect that my subconscious is an audist and I feel terrible about it! Ugh! The worst part is, it took a dream for me to realize that I might actually DO something like that in a completely thoughtless way! It really makes me think about how right "Redefining Deaf" is, that we absolutely have to change the ideology involved in "Deaf". This stuff is so ingrained into us stupid hearing people that we can be total jerkfaces without even meaning to be. =( The first step to changing it probably is realizing it, but it sucks that our preconceived notions can make it so that little to no thought is required, that we act without even considering because we don't even know to stop to consider, and suddenly you've been a total jerk without even the slightest inkling that you were one!
So naturally I dwelled on this all day as I'm prone to doing, and started wondering about my job. I've told other servers that I'm happy to help them out if they have Deaf guests at their tables (since I'm the only one who knows any ASL--well, except what I've taught them), but now I'm starting to wonder if that's audist in itself. I mean, so far, this hasn't happened, but I guess my question is, how would that come across? If I were to come over and be like, "Hi, I'm Fiery. I'm going to help Nick here since he doesn't know how to sign"? Would that be okay, or does that imply something bad? If this happens, should I just make a point to stay out of it if it's not my table, or should I go and interpret? I just don't know!
Blah. I get myself so tied up in knots sometimes that it drives me crazy! Anyway, I apologize if any of this caused offense, it wasn't my intention. I'm just trying to walk myself out of this web of thoughtlessness and be a better person. =(