A sad encounter

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RonJaxon

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I was out at a bar where I go to play pool one night. At one of the tables was a group of people that I knew. I didn't know them all that well. Just regulars at a place I'm a regular so I don't know them all that well. Just known them a long time.

Anyway on this night there was a cake and balloons on their table because it was one of their birthdays. There where some people in their group that I had never meet before for the "Birthday party". So I went up and talked to them a while and did some magic for them. After this is when what I think a pretty sad thing happened.

I happened to notice that one lady that was sitting with their group looked like something was wrong. Like she was sad or something. She wasn't smiling or anything. Just sitting their looking around and taking little sips of her coke. I happened to be sitting right across from her and I asked if she was ok. She just kind of shrugged her shoulders and looked around the room some more.

So after a group came back to the table after doing some dancing. I asked the people I know if she was okay. They told me that she's deaf and she's always quiet like that. Of course my eyes lit up. I don't know all that many deaf people in the area so I figured maybe she'd know some of the same deaf that I know. Plus, I rarely have anyone to Sign with. I'm not fluent but I can have a casual conversation.

But then I found out that she didn't know any ASL. Not even a little and she hasn't shown any interest in learning it. I got to talk with her a little about it. She could lip read a little and we did some writing back and forth on paper.

She told me she didn't want anyone to know she couldn't hear. That's the part that I found sad. She was ashamed of it. Now, it took me a long time to come to terms with being deaf. I kind of locked myself away from the world for a few years back then. So I do understand the adjustment period. But even back then I "Wanted" to learn how to fit in with others. I mean it's one thing to lock yourself away from others during that time. But it's another then you still stay out around others but just sit there and feel embarrassed about it.

So I offered to help. I didn't push, I just told her that I could teach her just some basic signs. All I intended was to teach her was to finger spell. That lone would be a big help. And I also offered to teach it to her friends that where there. But she wasn't interested in the least because that would tell everyone that she couldn't hear when they see her signing. That was her reason why she wasn't interested.

I didn't push the matter. I just left the offer on the table. Gave her and the people I know that where with her a way to contact me if they changed their mind. I also hoped that her seeing me interact with people there would maybe encourage her or at least let her see that there is another way of dealing with it.

This happened a couple of years ago. I just got to thinking about it again today because I saw one of the people that was there that night today at the store. I didn't have time to ask about the deaf lady but they joined my facebook and I'm going to see if I can find out how the lady is doing. I hope that she can some day come to terms with it and deal with the change. I know it took me a while too. For me it was a day when I just got fed up with not being able to do something so I found a way to do it. That was a break through moment for me. I hope she has one too.

Just thought I'd share that story with you all.

Ron Jaxon
 
Thank you for sharing the story with us. It is too bad and too sad for the girl including you at the time back then that you and the girl were not comfortable being deaf. That is the reason why many late deafened and also deaf adults who were born deaf are ashamed. Many hearing people think being deaf is really bad and sign language is also bad for the deaf people, but not bad to the hearing people. This is what irk me so much that it is not fair for us to tie our hands and not use the ASL and be comfortable being deaf. That is why we need to speak up to teach the hearing people about our deaf rights and our deaf perspectives.

I hope your story will teach hearing parents and hearing people realize that they can not make the deaf hear like hearing aids or CIs. They don't work like that way. We have been trying to tell the hearing people for a very long time (over 100 years). Now I see there is no change unless something is done to change about this same old crap making the hearing people think we can hear with the hearing aids, and now CIs. That is their dream world. Yes, it is sad that the late deafened and some born deaf can not be comfortable because of the hearing mentality. :(
 
Sad...I do remember a few people who were deaf in the '60's & 70's...who tried to hide it....unbelievable it's still going on, it's 2011 !!
 
That is sad. So many late deafened people round here are ashamed being deaf/hoh so they try their best to hide it.
 
The above situation is replicated in many ways in life by DENIAL. The tough solution: Get Real and deal with it!

Implanted Advanced Bionics-Harmony activated Aug/07
 
rockin'robin said:
Sad...I do remember a few people who were deaf in the '60's & 70's...who tried to hide it....unbelievable it's still going on, it's 2011 !!
Click to expand...

My audiologist told me that a hearing aid company came out with a new hearing aid for baby boomers. The hearing aids are really tiny and you can't tell it a hearing aid. The aid is design for people that lost their hearing and would be too up tight about people knowing they need a HA! I saw of the new HA and they're really cool looking , but they're not strong enough for me.
There are people that care what other people think about them! I could care less if people know I am HOH ,I agree it is a shame people still try to hide it that can' t hear. The woman would rather have people think she is slow
or really rude as she does is not letting people know she can't hear them!
 
That's sad.

Did you ever find out about that deaf lady? Did she ever get out and learn ASL and be less ashamed of being deaf?

RonJaxon said:
I was out at a bar where I go to play pool one night. At one of the tables was a group of people that I knew. I didn't know them all that well. Just regulars at a place I'm a regular so I don't know them all that well. Just known them a long time.

Anyway on this night there was a cake and balloons on their table because it was one of their birthdays. There where some people in their group that I had never meet before for the "Birthday party". So I went up and talked to them a while and did some magic for them. After this is when what I think a pretty sad thing happened.

I happened to notice that one lady that was sitting with their group looked like something was wrong. Like she was sad or something. She wasn't smiling or anything. Just sitting their looking around and taking little sips of her coke. I happened to be sitting right across from her and I asked if she was ok. She just kind of shrugged her shoulders and looked around the room some more.

So after a group came back to the table after doing some dancing. I asked the people I know if she was okay. They told me that she's deaf and she's always quiet like that. Of course my eyes lit up. I don't know all that many deaf people in the area so I figured maybe she'd know some of the same deaf that I know. Plus, I rarely have anyone to Sign with. I'm not fluent but I can have a casual conversation.

But then I found out that she didn't know any ASL. Not even a little and she hasn't shown any interest in learning it. I got to talk with her a little about it. She could lip read a little and we did some writing back and forth on paper.

She told me she didn't want anyone to know she couldn't hear. That's the part that I found sad. She was ashamed of it. Now, it took me a long time to come to terms with being deaf. I kind of locked myself away from the world for a few years back then. So I do understand the adjustment period. But even back then I "Wanted" to learn how to fit in with others. I mean it's one thing to lock yourself away from others during that time. But it's another then you still stay out around others but just sit there and feel embarrassed about it.

So I offered to help. I didn't push, I just told her that I could teach her just some basic signs. All I intended was to teach her was to finger spell. That lone would be a big help. And I also offered to teach it to her friends that where there. But she wasn't interested in the least because that would tell everyone that she couldn't hear when they see her signing. That was her reason why she wasn't interested.

I didn't push the matter. I just left the offer on the table. Gave her and the people I know that where with her a way to contact me if they changed their mind. I also hoped that her seeing me interact with people there would maybe encourage her or at least let her see that there is another way of dealing with it.

This happened a couple of years ago. I just got to thinking about it again today because I saw one of the people that was there that night today at the store. I didn't have time to ask about the deaf lady but they joined my facebook and I'm going to see if I can find out how the lady is doing. I hope that she can some day come to terms with it and deal with the change. I know it took me a while too. For me it was a day when I just got fed up with not being able to do something so I found a way to do it. That was a break through moment for me. I hope she has one too.

Just thought I'd share that story with you all.

Ron Jaxon
Click to expand...
 
I lived my life like that for 25 years, always trying to hide the fact that I was HoH, always ashamed of my hearing loss. Yeah, I know what it's like. Most of us know what it's like. Some people choose to live their life as "hearing impaired." They want to think of themselves as a hearing person with just a bit of a hearing problem. You can reach out to these people, but you can't make them decide for themselves to come out of the shadows and realize that they are really are different, but that there is nothing to be ashamed of. Just because you do not have hearing, you are not impaired.

Keep reaching out.
 
Growing up I was taught to more or less hide my deafness as my dad always told me it would be the one thing that would push people away. So for years and years and years I hid it. But then I finally got on the Internet and started googling on ways to deal with it as I had no friends to speak of at that time, that's when I landed on AllDeaf and man I'm glad I found AD.com.

It's not been a life changer, but it's definitely helped to teach me ways to better deal with my situation.

I feel sad when I hear about another deaf person who is in a crowded room but still feels like the loneliest person on earth because of the communication barrier. Too many times I have been in the same social situation. I could be in a crowded cafeteria at school, but I still felt like the loneliest person because no one would communicate with me, or I couldn't communicate with them. Like this woman you have met, I believe people don't actually know her, but they only know of her. The only way to really get to know a person is to communicate and exchange thoughts and ideas. To feel ashamed of who you are, it kills your self esteem. Once your self-esteem is gone, it takes ages to build back what others have torn down.

I've learned that being deaf isn't something to be ashamed of. It's just a part of me the same way my toes are a part of me.
 
Dixie said:
Growing up I was taught to more or less hide my deafness as my dad always told me it would be the one thing that would push people away. So for years and years and years I hid it. But then I finally got on the Internet and started googling on ways to deal with it as I had no friends to speak of at that time, that's when I landed on AllDeaf and man I'm glad I found AD.com.

It's not been a life changer, but it's definitely helped to teach me ways to better deal with my situation.

I feel sad when I hear about another deaf person who is in a crowded room but still feels like the loneliest person on earth because of the communication barrier. Too many times I have been in the same social situation. I could be in a crowded cafeteria at school, but I still felt like the loneliest person because no one would communicate with me, or I couldn't communicate with them. Like this woman you have met, I believe people don't actually know her, but they only know of her. The only way to really get to know a person is to communicate and exchange thoughts and ideas. To feel ashamed of who you are, it kills your self esteem. Once your self-esteem is gone, it takes ages to build back what others have torn down.

I've learned that being deaf isn't something to be ashamed of. It's just a part of me the same way my toes are a part of me.
Click to expand...

:gpost: :gpost: Good posting, Dixie!!!! :thumb:
 
Thanks to you all for these wonderful posts. I became hoh a decade. it took me nine years to come to terms with my situation. even though communication barriers still exist, am coming to terms with my disability. i drew inspiration from the Book "hearing loss help" written by an hoh.
the greatest inspiration, however, is from you ladies and gentlemen on AD.com.
so cheers to you all keep it up.
i have 2 hearing aids but i never used them because i didn't want to be discovered. I probably should have done so but i have no regrets for having lost my hearing. i've come to appreciate life in ways most hearies do not and probably never will.

so once again, cheers to you all.
 
I wore hearing aids for the first nine years of my life before deciding to ditch the hearing aids and pass as hearing. I had been constantly teased, and was ashamed to admit anything was wrong. If people...well WHEN people noticed I did not hear well, I would just say I have a bit of a hard time hearing. I totally downplayed the severity of my loss and for the most part I got away with it. I would get caught though-taking hearing tests at school, I would get caught cheating by watching when the others pressed the button, or I would flat out fail the test. Whenever the game telephone was played, it was always revealed that I was the one that mangled the message. At sleepovers, when lights went out, I had to struggle trying to understand...after too many times of parents telling us to be quiet, I started pretending to fall asleep right away. I even had a serious accident where I walked off a 6 foot cliff, resulting in a skull fracture, because I misheard don't go that way as go that way. Now days I make it pretty clear I am deaf by having a vest on my dog with hearing dog patches and picking the color blue for my hearing aids. I am planning on re-taking ASL I, as it has been two years-maybe I will be a TA for the class instead, and then finally taking ASL II like I intended to back when I finished I. Once I get back into that I want to seek out my local Deaf community and see how I fit with them.
 
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