Abuse and Neglect of Children with Disabilities

[Calvin]

Btw you might remember him in "Life Goes On" TV show...

Where's the LOVE button? I know. The Down's/ID people are cute when they are little, but when they're older/middle aged....it really is quite sad. I know it's not PC to say that.....But dude..... if only there was a cure for ID.........

 

[dogmom]

Calvin - yes! <actually, there aren't enough "likes" for that!>

deafdyke, I agree with -many- things you write but other times like THIS#39, you put things up that are actually very negative or hurtful and promote stereotypes, do you not see that?

 

[whatdidyousay!]

I had a client that had Down's Syndrome and he lived at home with his mother . I felt horrible when I heard the way the mother talked about her son right in front of him as if he had no feeling . I kept saying nice things about my client hoping his mom would get the hint. I was covering for another health aide so I only took care of him one time . If all my clients was as nice as him my day would be so much easier . I didn't treat him any difference and I think that meant a lot to him. I didn't use any 'baby talk ' with him. I hate that !

 

[deafdyke]

Calvin - yes! <actually, there aren't enough "likes" for that!>

deafdyke, I agree with -many- things you write but other times like THIS#39, you put things up that are actually very negative or hurtful and promote stereotypes, do you not see that?

Dogmom, I said CAN be, not WILL be. It's true! It CAN be really sad, and limiting. Why is it negative or hurtful to actually SAY that there ARE negative sides to having an intellectucal issue? Because it's TRUE. I actually do see the adults with ID out there.....and while there are high functioning Down's or ID folks out there who do really well, if you see a lot of the older adults with Down's/ID their lives can be really sad, and literally limiting. Granted maybe a lot of their limitations might be due to how their ID was handled.....Like the sad/limited ones that I see were raised in a Mainstream is the Best enviroment with little/no ID or other specialized supports. Therefore they don't have friends or a job and are on the very margins of the "mainstream."The ones who have had specialized supports and access to a specialized network of like peers etc do seem to be a lot happier and well adjusted..... I WILL admit that. My friend Susy is "grey area" (like not exactly intellectucally disabled, but not exactly special ed/Resource Room style LD. She got a balance of experiances and oppertunties.....and she's a lot better off then the ID adults who were pushed exclusively towards typical world stuff.
It's also really sad interacting with them, and they think that they can do stuff like own a house or live independently or any of the other myriad other adult activities that many if not most of them probaly never will, barring a miricle. Like they're 7/8/9 or whatever young age mentally, and they will never go beyond that mental age. Tell me that is not sad. Heck, I remember being horrified and saddened when an ID woman told me that a guy who she STILL thought was her boyfriend had raped her. It was sad b/c she didn't have the intelligence to understand that she had been RAPED. Even after going through a trial and being told time and again, that he raped her, she still thought he was her boyfriend?!?!?!
And then again, it is also sad, their tendancy to think they understand something, when in fact they're misunderstanding it and they totally and completely melt down........Like everyone else sees it as completely straightforward.....but they misinterepret something and then work themselves into a tizzy/meltdown..... Granted that sort of thing exclusive to ID folks....but it's still very sad.
And then again I also think that you guys think that I'm talking about mild ID. I know a lot of mild ID folks who get on OK... Like they function as a person with a severe learning disabilty.......And that's AWESOME....they have issues but they can and do function really well.
But the thing is, when you get on to the more affected people with ID, it can get really really sad. Remember Down's level functioning can ALSO include severe level functioning.....and that's a level that is literally quite limiting..it's also exhausting to caretake. They can be happy and sweet and all.....but at the same time, it's also very sad as they will always be at the level of a baby or a toddler......

 

[AlleyCat]

deafdyke, I agree with -many- things you write but other times like THIS#39, you put things up that are actually very negative or hurtful and promote stereotypes, do you not see that?

I wish I could like this more than once! She stereotypes everyone of all kinds without knowing their backgrounds and makes assumptions. What a hurtful post she made about Downs.

 

[Calvin]

So what if you have your own child with DS, or Autism.. would you be proud of it or sad?

Dogmom, I said CAN be, not WILL be. It's true! It CAN be really sad, and limiting. Why is it negative or hurtful to actually SAY that there ARE negative sides to having an intellectucal issue? Because it's TRUE. I actually do see the adults with ID out there.....and while there are high functioning Down's or ID folks out there who do really well, if you see a lot of the older adults with Down's/ID their lives can be really sad, and literally limiting. Granted maybe a lot of their limitations might be due to how their ID was handled.....Like the sad/limited ones that I see were raised in a Mainstream is the Best enviroment with little/no ID or other specialized supports. Therefore they don't have friends or a job and are on the very margins of the "mainstream."The ones who have had specialized supports and access to a specialized network of like peers etc do seem to be a lot happier and well adjusted..... I WILL admit that. My friend Susy is "grey area" (like not exactly intellectucally disabled, but not exactly special ed/Resource Room style LD. She got a balance of experiances and oppertunties.....and she's a lot better off then the ID adults who were pushed exclusively towards typical world stuff.
It's also really sad interacting with them, and they think that they can do stuff like own a house or live independently or any of the other myriad other adult activities that many if not most of them probaly never will, barring a miricle. Like they're 7/8/9 or whatever young age mentally, and they will never go beyond that mental age. Tell me that is not sad. Heck, I remember being horrified and saddened when an ID woman told me that a guy who she STILL thought was her boyfriend had raped her. It was sad b/c she didn't have the intelligence to understand that she had been RAPED. Even after going through a trial and being told time and again, that he raped her, she still thought he was her boyfriend?!?!?!
And then again, it is also sad, their tendancy to think they understand something, when in fact they're misunderstanding it and they totally and completely melt down........Like everyone else sees it as completely straightforward.....but they misinterepret something and then work themselves into a tizzy/meltdown..... Granted that sort of thing exclusive to ID folks....but it's still very sad.
And then again I also think that you guys think that I'm talking about mild ID. I know a lot of mild ID folks who get on OK... Like they function as a person with a severe learning disabilty.......And that's AWESOME....they have issues but they can and do function really well.
But the thing is, when you get on to the more affected people with ID, it can get really really sad. Remember Down's level functioning can ALSO include severe level functioning.....and that's a level that is literally quite limiting..it's also exhausting to caretake. They can be happy and sweet and all.....but at the same time, it's also very sad as they will always be at the level of a baby or a toddler......

 

[deafdyke]

So what if you have your own child with DS, or Autism.. would you be proud of it or sad?

Probaly a mix. Most parents of kids with intellectucal/mental based special needs do have a mix of complex feelings towards their kid's issues. I know with the family members I speak with, they say that if they could cure their kid's autism or ID, they WOULD b/c they see that particular condition as placing unnessary barriers in their child's life. It's not like dhh, or blind/low vision or a lot of other issues b/c those issues can be lived with and adapted to. Like a dhh person can get a Ph.D, a Blind/low vision person can climb Mt Everest and so on and so on. Basicly those types of disabilties are " You can do anything except hear, or see or whatever." There's literally no limits there! But with ID, their intelleigence basicly limits their general life acheivements in a lot of ways! .... Yes, some autistic people can be really high functioning....but indeed, I'm now talking with the parent of a high functioning Asperger's person who I attended college with. He is incredibily smart.....but his social skills are REALLY impaired.....Like not just a " supernerd" (which is what a lot of people think when they think of Asperger's) but he did things like walk in on his RA when she was changing, he had a fixtation on the stretchiness of the skin on his arms, he did things like follow people around etc. His mom even told me that they tried an Asperger's social group, and he started getting kind of scary obessed with a couple of people involved with that group. I also see the same social limitations with a lot of the affected people I know, when I see them at conference.
All I'm saying is that it's not just a black and white thing. It's complex and complicating Yes, there are happy parts to their lives, but ... the realities of raising a child with ID and other mental issues, aren't as sunshiney as the Hallmark-y "oh those people are so sweet and nice and kind and innocent" mentality would have it.

 

[vegandreamer]

This is very disturbing and tragic !

I agree.

 

[vegandreamer]

I heard of people having tests to see if their baby will have Down's .
I agree that would be awful if child found her mom didn't want her baby b/c it would had been deaf . If the child is the only deaf person in the family it would had been nice having a sibling that was deaf too. What if she had twins that were deaf ???

That's why I hate selective abortion!