You know you're a Christian when.......

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deafdyke

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10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt

8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!

6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.

4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian.
 
deafdyke said:
2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

God answers ALL prayers. It's just that sometimes the answer is NO!


I am a Christian, but luckily almost none of this applies to me. I am glad to tell people "I am not THAT kind of Christian."
 
deafdyke said:
10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt

8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Trinity god

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!

6- You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the Earth is a couple of generations old.

4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove Christianity.

2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1- You actually know a lot less than many Atheists and Agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a Christian.

So true.... for many Christians.

I feel that there's quite a difference between religian and spirituality... I prefer the latter. As you can see around you, the first is only causing trouble, wars, anger....
 
Interesting. Mocking Christians and their beliefs is acceptable. Would it be acceptable if I post a similar thread mocking the beliefs of other religions?

I'm not saying we can't debate different beliefs. But mocking, insulting and name calling is not the same as debating.

BTW way, I didn't know that trees were an ethnic group (re: point #7).
 
Oh yeah, I can think of a thread or two to put up here for deafdike to get the idea but I shan't. DD, I'd like to request you to have this drivel removed, please.
 
Relax, folks, it is just a spoof.
A little sense of humor goes a long way.
If it angers you so much, then methinks the truth hits too close to home.
 
Reba said:
Interesting. Mocking Christians and their beliefs is acceptable. Would it be acceptable if I post a similar thread mocking the beliefs of other religions?

I'm not saying we can't debate different beliefs. But mocking, insulting and name calling is not the same as debating.

BTW way, I didn't know that trees were an ethnic group (re: point #7).


I agree, that's why I ignored this thread....
 
Reba said:
Interesting. Mocking Christians and their beliefs is acceptable. Would it be acceptable if I post a similar thread mocking the beliefs of other religions?

Do the Mohammed cartoons mock Islam and Muslims in general?

I think that should answer your question rather nicely.
 
Yeah, well, Beo, I can come up with a pretty decent spoof or satirical prose of my own, too, but I can't envision any redeeming value it might have, especially considering the "civil war" this board experienced just recently.
Personally, I see this prose, and I use the term lightly, as intentional mockery and a reflection of it's author's performance so much so that I'll not be among any of the people vying to purchase her first published work.
 
Tousi said:
Personally, I see this prose, and I use the term lightly, as intentional mockery and a reflection of it's author's performance so much so that I'll not be among any of the people vying to purchase her first published work.
Interesting. I see it as intentional humor.
I suppose I will buy a dozen of her books to counter anything you do, and we can use the paper for a steak cookout, how's that?
hee hee
 
I wish this kind of stereotyping weren't so prevalent.

As I think I've said on multiple occasions, I as a Christian have no problem with science, nor do the parents who raised me. In fact, they were responsible for introducing me to both kinds of literature at an early age because they wanted me to know both. I am amazed at the thought that God managed the creation of this world on a quantum level over such a long span of time--that is not beyond His power!

We, on the other hand, don't have that kind of scope of control--and that's why I think some prayers have to be denied...because we don't understand all of the repercussions of what we're asking for (think of the "butterfly flapping its wings" metaphor).

As to others' religious beliefs, my stance on this resembles what the Eastern Orthodox church would say...I am devout in my beliefs and I truly believe that Christianity is the best way we have to relate to God. However, I do believe that any elements of truth contained in other religions are given by God because it is in Him that truth originates. Therefore while I would not convert to another religion as I'm fine where I am, I think it can be useful to look at the aspects upon which most or all religions agree--that can be very revealing about what the most important, central tenets to belief can be. Certain lessons and legends appear again and again and again from religion to religion, and these reappearances actually reinforce what I believe instead of destroying it. Plus, this kind of study is useful just for general cultural understanding that leads to better relations between people.

I also think that the business of salvation and damnation has more to it than we, as finite humans, can comprehend. I have to think that's the reason there are so many warnings to us that we dare not judge. I think we are afraid of the idea of sharing Heaven with those who are our enemies on this Earth--yet we should desire their salvation. So, I think some of the judgment comes from unwillingness to open our hearts to such possibilities. My feeling is that God knows who is genuinely seeking Him in a way that we cannot, and that it is He who encourages such seeking. And our attempts at labeling people don't always cover it.

I do think that Christians need to do much more research into their beliefs and their history, as a whole. Being informed and educated is always a good thing. I hope someday to learn the original Greek and Hebrew in which the Bible was written so that in the future I no longer need to rely on translations as much as I do now.

Along similar lines, I still have yet to do research into the violence in the Old Testament to undestand why that happened. So this following statement is something I have no sources to back up--but I wonder if sometimes death is a mercy to prevent worse suffering? I can't help remembering an incident where a king of Israel was told that as a mercy, his life would be taken before the nation was invaded and terrible pain came upon the entire nation.

Like I said, I need a LOT more research to get a handle on that question. That's definitely one of the things I plan to do when I get out of FREAKING GRAD SCHOOL.

Anyway, now that I've shared my thoughts, I'd like to say again that I don't care for stereotyping--it's an act that deliberately constrains one's understanding and can lead to cruelty.
 
What's been said by d d, I'm none of those. Only what christianity is the salt and light as a appropriate seasoning and light, not too much salt or be like sun reflect widshield to blind them to driven them away. Truly, we as born again believers, we shouldn't cut down on other religion, but by the leading of the Holy Spirit to draw them to Christ. We are still have the battle of the flesh. Our job is, genuine deep devotional prayer life instead of trying to live up Gods approval, it never works. Let God work in you. The point is best have relationship with God than being religious. If u study carefully the whole foundation of the Old Testaments is pointing the finger to Christ. How or why? You may ask. All thru Old Testaments based on sacricial blood of all kinds of sacrifice. That blood for cleansing, but been repeating, till Christ, the Son of the Living God, the Sacrificial Lamb of God, shed His Blood once for all for our sins. That's why many other religions doesntmatch at all with the Old testaments. His Love is beyond our imagine. No blood, no hope. No blood, all are still dying in sins. All we must do, is rely on Him alone. Try to live up His standard, do no good, bec the stains still there, like washing some clothes without the detergants. Christ is calling all the world, but never force them, our job is share His Love thru u to others. He died for ALL, not some, ALL. God gives grace to all who are gone astray and the lost. Prayer is our prior of our lives. Sadly, many go to church faithfully, but a lot have not take time with sincere devotion in daily part. Does sincere devotion worshippers won't fall? Yes, they could, the closer with God, more heat u face, if u fall, take hope, and continue to confess and seek after Him just like King David. If u see other of ur fellowshipper sins, go to the person in secret and pray together and keep it btwn u and the person and God, not leak someone else, which is violate Gods plan and does huge damage for the believers. Do others as they will do you also. Many haven't, but importantly ask God for guidance. That's why many been having hard time to worship Christ bec of judemental, all have weakeness in different way, Pray for one another with grace, love and kindness. Those who have not ask Christ in your life, He's there with you in open arms waiting for ur call. He's beyond you can imagine of supreme Love. SMILE
 
Reba said:
Interesting. Mocking Christians and their beliefs is acceptable. Would it be acceptable if I post a similar thread mocking the beliefs of other religions?

I'm not saying we can't debate different beliefs. But mocking, insulting and name calling is not the same as debating.

BTW way, I didn't know that trees were an ethnic group (re: point #7).

I happen to have very eclectic beliefs, but I agree with you on this. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to tolerating certain things. It seems that when someone bashes any other faith, people get offended and there's an outcry about it. YOU HEAR about it.You However, when someone tries to bash Christians, it's accepted and even encouraged, and more often than not, you don't hear about it when it happens.

Why is this???? Something for all of us to think about.

Btw, DD. Please consider Tousi's resquest. He's right. We don't need another war over something like this.
 
Oceanbreeze said:
I happen to have very eclectic beliefs, but I agree with you on this. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to tolerating certain things. It seems that when someone bashes any other faith, people get offended and there's an outcry about it. YOU HEAR about it.You However, when someone tries to bash Christians, it's accepted and even encouraged, and more often than not, you don't hear about it when it happens.

Why is this???? Something for all of us to think about.

Btw, DD. Please consider Tousi's resquest. He's right. We don't need another war over something like this.

Please DON'T, deafdyke.
If worse comes to worst, there can always be another damn poll.
;)
 
well first of all, I didn't write this. I found it on a site I lurk at. I don't advocate bashing, and definitly don't see myself as anti-Christian.(I have many Christian like beliefs)..I just saw it as satire ala The Onion......sorry if anyone was offeneded....Just thought that this would spark some thoughts and some interesting debate...
 
DD I understand your intentions, really I do. So tell me, would it offend you if I posted a topic on "You might be a lesbian if...." OR "You might be a pagan if...." OR "You might be an ASL militant if...."? I think you get my drift ;)
 
Dang, Eve is getting yummier by the second.
Kiss me you fool!
 
http://journals.aol.com/bluecskies/DeadGayFabulous/entries/747
You might be a lesbian if you....

Have tools, more than a hammer and some nails to hang your favorite picture of a softball star. I am talking about drills, saws, things you plug into the wall, craftsman or in this case craftswoman stuff.

Have hockey hair, mullet. Or go to a barber not a salon.

Have an urge to adopt or become artificially inseminated.

Own a dream catcher.

Drive a Subaru (forest green).

Can rebuild an engine repair a car.

Own more Flannel than Bob Villa (tool reference).

Listen to the Indigo Girls on a much more regular basis than anyone should.

You can beat up pretty much any man and I mean any man.

Have cats.

Own rainbow paraphernalia.

Think softball is a way of life.

Laugh when I mention taco.

Favorite hang out is a coffee shop where the girl who plays the guitar is said to be bi.

Use beer koozies, drink from the bottle, or have yelled yo get me a beer!

Think that spa treatments are for gay men and married junior leaguers.
 
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