Why some people blame themselves for all their family problems ?
There are two basics reasons why teens play what is called:
THE FAMILY BLAME GAME
FIRST
To some, adults can't do no wrong so therefore everything must be their fault.
This myth that adults are perfect and can't make mistakes has brought down a lot of young people when it comes to taking the blame for such things as divorce, abuse, alcoholism in the family, parents fighting all the time, etc.
The truth is adults DO make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Adults are just as human as you are. And if you were to carefully look at the situation you blame yourself for in your family, you would see that many times it's not really about you, but about other people with problems. Yes, other people including adults.
SECOND
They have been wrongly convinced for years by people around them that everything that goes wrong in their family is their fault and it has now become routine to blame themselves for all the problems.
Consider the following:
You get up in the morning. You had a good night sleep, and feeling good you go down to breakfast.
"Morning Mom" you say.
"Morning" mom says in return staring closely at your face.
"You feeling all right? You don't look so good" she says.
"Yeah, I feel good" you say in return.
Your sister/brother enters the kitchen.
"Man" he/she says. "What's up with you. You don't look good."
"Nothing." you say. "I feel good. I feel good. Nothing is wrong with me."
You go to school. You're met in the hallway by a friend of yours. You exchange greetings and then your friend speaks up.
"Man", he/she says. "You feeling all right? You don't look so good."
You look confused. "I, I feel fine." you say touching your face with your fingertips. "Why is everyone telling me I look sick. I feel fine................I think."
You get to class. The teacher meets you at the door.
"Morning." he says starring at you intently. "Hey, you all right. You don't look so good."
"No", you say. "I, I feel all right. I am feeling a little faint though. Yeah, I can feel it now. I'm feeling a little faint. But, but I'm all right..............I think."
The class gets over and you go to your next class. While in the hallway you run into your gym teacher. "
Hi Mr. Morhman." you say.
"Hi, how are you.......hey, you feeling all right?" he says doing a double take. "You don't look so good. Maybe you should go to the nurse."
"Well, I'll tell you. I am starting to get a little sick. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should have a nurse look at me. Sure, a nurse will know for sure weather I'm sick or not."
You go to the nurse. She examines you taking your temperature, blood pressure, etc.. Finally a professional is going to tell it like it is. After all, a nurse should know.
"Well," she says, You seem fine according to the check up. Perfect. But you sure don't look right. I better send you home just in case."
"That's it" you say to yourself. "I must be sick. Everyone else tells me I'm sick and I didn't believe them. But if a nurse tells me I'm sick, then I must be sick."
At home you go to bed. You are now feeling worse then when you got up this morning.
"I guess I'm sicker than I thought," you say to yourself. "Felt fine this morning, but I must be really sick."
Get the point being made here.
If enough people tell that there is something wrong with you when there really isn't, especially if they are people who should "know better," then after awhile you're going to actually believe that there is.
If everything that goes wrong in the family is "always your fault" when much of it really isn't, after awhile you're going to start to believe it is. So how do you deal with years of guilt?
Easy.
THE BEST WAY TO REMOVE GUILT is to know that you have nothing to feel guilty about; to know that "the "sins" of the parents are not the "sins" of the children." How do you do this?
Simple.
You do what you gotta do to respect your parents No matter what the situation is, you do whatever it takes to respect your parents. If you did something wrong, make it right. Once you've done this, once you know you did everything you can do to make things right between you and your parents,
what else is there left to do?
NOTHING!!!
From here
YOU NEED TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. You need to put your family problems behind you and get on with your life You have a life to lead, goals to accomplish like college or sports or whatever. Carrying your family problems with you will do nothing but take away from the goals you are trying to accomplish.
As the chinese proverbs says: a man who tries to catch 2 rabbits
(in your case family problems and your life)
at the same time will catch neither one.
THE FAMILY BLAME GAME.
There are two basics reasons why teens play what is called:
THE FAMILY BLAME GAME
FIRST
To some, adults can't do no wrong so therefore everything must be their fault.
This myth that adults are perfect and can't make mistakes has brought down a lot of young people when it comes to taking the blame for such things as divorce, abuse, alcoholism in the family, parents fighting all the time, etc.
The truth is adults DO make mistakes. A lot of mistakes. Adults are just as human as you are. And if you were to carefully look at the situation you blame yourself for in your family, you would see that many times it's not really about you, but about other people with problems. Yes, other people including adults.
SECOND
They have been wrongly convinced for years by people around them that everything that goes wrong in their family is their fault and it has now become routine to blame themselves for all the problems.
Consider the following:
You get up in the morning. You had a good night sleep, and feeling good you go down to breakfast.
"Morning Mom" you say.
"Morning" mom says in return staring closely at your face.
"You feeling all right? You don't look so good" she says.
"Yeah, I feel good" you say in return.
Your sister/brother enters the kitchen.
"Man" he/she says. "What's up with you. You don't look good."
"Nothing." you say. "I feel good. I feel good. Nothing is wrong with me."
You go to school. You're met in the hallway by a friend of yours. You exchange greetings and then your friend speaks up.
"Man", he/she says. "You feeling all right? You don't look so good."
You look confused. "I, I feel fine." you say touching your face with your fingertips. "Why is everyone telling me I look sick. I feel fine................I think."
You get to class. The teacher meets you at the door.
"Morning." he says starring at you intently. "Hey, you all right. You don't look so good."
"No", you say. "I, I feel all right. I am feeling a little faint though. Yeah, I can feel it now. I'm feeling a little faint. But, but I'm all right..............I think."
The class gets over and you go to your next class. While in the hallway you run into your gym teacher. "
Hi Mr. Morhman." you say.
"Hi, how are you.......hey, you feeling all right?" he says doing a double take. "You don't look so good. Maybe you should go to the nurse."
"Well, I'll tell you. I am starting to get a little sick. Maybe you're right. Maybe I should have a nurse look at me. Sure, a nurse will know for sure weather I'm sick or not."
You go to the nurse. She examines you taking your temperature, blood pressure, etc.. Finally a professional is going to tell it like it is. After all, a nurse should know.
"Well," she says, You seem fine according to the check up. Perfect. But you sure don't look right. I better send you home just in case."
"That's it" you say to yourself. "I must be sick. Everyone else tells me I'm sick and I didn't believe them. But if a nurse tells me I'm sick, then I must be sick."
At home you go to bed. You are now feeling worse then when you got up this morning.
"I guess I'm sicker than I thought," you say to yourself. "Felt fine this morning, but I must be really sick."
Get the point being made here.
If enough people tell that there is something wrong with you when there really isn't, especially if they are people who should "know better," then after awhile you're going to actually believe that there is.
If everything that goes wrong in the family is "always your fault" when much of it really isn't, after awhile you're going to start to believe it is. So how do you deal with years of guilt?
Easy.
THE BEST WAY TO REMOVE GUILT is to know that you have nothing to feel guilty about; to know that "the "sins" of the parents are not the "sins" of the children." How do you do this?
Simple.
You do what you gotta do to respect your parents No matter what the situation is, you do whatever it takes to respect your parents. If you did something wrong, make it right. Once you've done this, once you know you did everything you can do to make things right between you and your parents,
what else is there left to do?
NOTHING!!!
From here
YOU NEED TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. You need to put your family problems behind you and get on with your life You have a life to lead, goals to accomplish like college or sports or whatever. Carrying your family problems with you will do nothing but take away from the goals you are trying to accomplish.
As the chinese proverbs says: a man who tries to catch 2 rabbits
(in your case family problems and your life)
at the same time will catch neither one.
THE FAMILY BLAME GAME.
...