Why are people so excited to use ASL?

dereksbicycles

dereksbicycles

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I went to Target with my ex girlfriend last year. I saw a deaf woman working at Target. She was excited to see another deaf person so she talked to me. I saw that she had a ring on her hand. I figured she was married. I did not ask if her husband was deaf or hearing. Talked about different stuffs.

I just don't understand why people are in relationship with a person who is not good on ASL, and then when they go to deaf clubs, they are sooooo excited because they can use ASL fluently. I mean, why? Why not just find someone who is already fluent in ASL in the first place?

That is one reason why I'm not in a relationship with my girlfriend any more.
 
I dont have anyone that uses asl. but would like to. I dont get excited when i do meet someone. I am clumsey,but after a few minute i pop in and can have a chat with someone like me .Dont hear well, so yeah..I'm here so why not .if you make a new friend then go for it. and you dont have to chat about being deaf. I am sure they will figure it out . I can talk do to late deafness. but cant hear! would love social gatherings just to make friends..
 
dereksbicycles said:
I went to Target with my ex girlfriend last year. I saw a deaf woman working at Target. She was excited to see another deaf person so she talked to me. I saw that she had a ring on her hand. I figured she was married. I did not ask if her husband was deaf or hearing. Talked about different stuffs.

I just don't understand why people are in relationship with a person who is not good on ASL, and then when they go to deaf clubs, they are sooooo excited because they can use ASL fluently. I mean, why? Why not just find someone who is already fluent in ASL in the first place?

That is one reason why I'm not in a relationship with my girlfriend any more.
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Is it because Your ex girlfriend didnt do asl,or was she hearing. either way .If you want someone to sign you sign with them.. expecially if you care about this person.
 
I think anyone who did not have the opportunity to use their first language fluently on a regular basis would look forward to times when they could. Wanting to communicate with others in our native language is not only a natural feeling but, I believe, a need.
 
The message I was trying to convey is that many people are in relationship with a person who doesn't use ASL very well. Then when they go to deaf clubs, they're so excited to be able to use ASL fluently. Ya know because they don't use ASL fluently at home. Nothing wrong with being excited, but why not have a relationship with someone who uses ASL on daily basis. Yes, I know each person have to make their own choices, but I wanted to try to understand why not marry a person who can use ASL easily.
 
It's a rare event even for most deaf people. Conversely, HOH people that see another person with a aid does not bring the same response.
 
dereksbicycles said:
The message I was trying to convey is that many people are in relationship with a person who doesn't use ASL very well. Then when they go to deaf clubs, they're so excited to be able to use ASL fluently. Ya know because they don't use ASL fluently at home. Nothing wrong with being excited, but why not have a relationship with someone who uses ASL on daily basis. Yes, I know each person have to make their own choices, but I wanted to try to understand why not marry a person who can use ASL easily.
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I think it's easy to walk around with a set of ideas about the person you should be with. Maybe ideas other people have put in your head, maybe ideas you have about your needs or preferences. But then sometimes you meet someone and maybe they don't match that list in your head. And you fall in love with them anyway. You can tell yourself that they're wrong for you, but if you feel strongly about that person, it might be very hard to tear yourself away from them. So maybe you decide to stay and give it your best shot.

Now, hopefully, if you are Deaf and a sign language is your primary language, that person will work hard to learn it. (And hopefully they're able to learn it well.) If not, I can understand how that would be very difficult and frustrating. But life and love aren't simple, because people feel things and don't always have total control over their emotions and emotional needs. So people end up in situations that don't always make sense to those around them. But we don't live in their heads and bodies, feel their feelings for them, etc., so I think there's just no competent way to really judge them.
 
dereksbicycles said:
The message I was trying to convey is that many people are in relationship with a person who doesn't use ASL very well. Then when they go to deaf clubs, they're so excited to be able to use ASL fluently. Ya know because they don't use ASL fluently at home. Nothing wrong with being excited, but why not have a relationship with someone who uses ASL on daily basis. Yes, I know each person have to make their own choices, but I wanted to try to understand why not marry a person who can use ASL easily.
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They're are many people who marry those not fluent in English. There are people who marry and aren't fluent in their spouse's native language....but it doesn't stop them from the relationship. You marry for love, not linguistic ability.

Laura
 
Lau2046 said:
They're are many people who marry those not fluent in English. There are people who marry and aren't fluent in their spouse's native language....but it doesn't stop them from the relationship. You marry for love, not linguistic ability.

Laura
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Agreed, but I think the Deaf person's situation is tougher, if they primarily use sign and their partner isn't very good.

If I (an american with English as my first language) married someone who wasn't fluent in English, I might feel those frustrations from time to time where I really want to express myself more easily than I can in our interactions. But if I step out of the house, practically everyone I run into is fluent and I can blow off steam. Heck, I can strike up a conversation at the bus stop, kvetching about the misleading ads at the local grocery store (or whatever).

But Deaf people are like, what? 1 in 2000? I can imagine that feeling of disconnection being alot more intense if you have to really make a big effort to find someone you can easily communicate with. VP helps, and events are good if you've got them, but I think it's still a different scenario.

And I think there's another nuance to it. If my spouse isn't great with English, but is fluent in, say, Spanish, I have the option of working on my Spanish. A Deaf person can't just decide to hear. I just think it's probably more frustrating than anything I'm capable of imagining.

Not to say it's necessarily a deal-breaker. I still agree with your statements. I guess I'm just in a weird place right now, trying to look at all the stuff I might miss if I'm not careful.
 
Thank for all of your feedbacks. Yeah, it's not that easy to find someone who is deaf. I'm not saying that you cannot, but we've to find what is the best for each of us.

In the past, I was always down. I was wondering if I would ever find someone who I would love. I'm very thankful that my ex girlfriend spent a lot on 2 ASL classes for me. I appreciate it, but we had so many different philosophies on other topics. Therefore, we're not in a relationship any more.

I was kind of desperate I would find anyone who would love me and then maybe learn ASL. See where it goes. Now, I know that I do have someone who loved me. I have few relationships so it can happen.

From now on, I would prefer someone who is good in ASL. That is for communication issues.
 
amylynne said:
If I (an american with English as my first language) married someone who wasn't fluent in English, I might feel those frustrations from time to time where I really want to express myself more easily than I can in our interactions. But if I step out of the house, practically everyone I run into is fluent and I can blow off steam. Heck, I can strike up a conversation at the bus stop, kvetching about the misleading ads at the local grocery store (or whatever).

And I think there's another nuance to it. If my spouse isn't great with English, but is fluent in, say, Spanish, I have the option of working on my Spanish. A Deaf person can't just decide to hear. I just think it's probably more frustrating than anything I'm capable of imagining.
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You forget...if you want to blow off steam and you step outside and no one else speaks Russian - how's it different? A person can't just decide to speak English either - they either do or they don't and many don't have money or the time to learn. Also, what makes you think the English speaker will brush up on his Russian? The family will just expect the spouse to learn English. There's no difference. Either you marry for love or linguistic ability.

Laura
 
Lau2046 said:
You forget...if you want to blow off steam and you step outside and no one else speaks Russian - how's it different? A person can't just decide to speak English either - they either do or they don't and many don't have money or the time to learn. Also, what makes you think the English speaker will brush up on his Russian? The family will just expect the spouse to learn English. There's no difference. Either you marry for love or linguistic ability.

Laura
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I didn't forget: you spoke about the idea of having a partner who isn't fluent in English. You're writing from MA and I'm in PA. So I responded in the context of living in an area where most people are fluent in English.

True, some people don't have the money or time to learn a new language. But regardless of what any family expects, I know for myself that if I were involved with someone who had a different native language than mine, I would make an effort to learn that language.

I do still agree with you about marrying for love. But I strongly disagree about there being no difference. I think the Deaf experience (including this particular aspect of it) is very different from the hearing experience, even if the hearing people in question speak different spoken languages.
 
Good luck Derek. I'm glad to see that you're thinking about some of the good things. (Like it happened before so it can happen again, and that you mattered enough to her that she took those classes.) I hope you find something wonderful!
 
amylynne said:
But I strongly disagree about there being no difference. I think the Deaf experience (including this particular aspect of it) is very different from the hearing experience, even if the hearing people in question speak different spoken languages.
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I disagree; I don't think it's any more isolating than a person that doesn't speak the dominant language of it's host country or new family. Many people marry into families and don't speak their language or host the country - some never learn it and yet the marriages work. As with any relationship, you get out of it what you invest in it.
 
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