When we let hearing people join our world and culture part 2

deafmedicalpoet

deafmedicalpoet

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I know alot of deaf people dont always enjoy hearing people entering our culture and our world. I feel like some hearing people shouldn't be allowed in our world at all. I am not trying to be rude here at all to interpreters, but you know there are people who just join our world and use it like its a fair ground rather than a serious place and a place to have a good time, but not always for fun.I think we need to accept people into our world, but there are others that are very nosy and try to get you to let them in our world.

If this thread is going to be a fight with stories and opinions then dont post. The last past got locked because of so much bickering, I would like to see this thread do better that is all I ask

Thanks!!
 
Being hearing myself. I have the feeling that it is actually impossible to be a member of the Deaf world.
I have read about it, and found it very interesting, a beautiful world with a beautiful language.
But just like I will not fit in on a remote island in the middle of the pacific - no matter how well I speak the language and customs, I still wouldn't fit in.

I know CODA's that do feel part of the Deaf world because they grew up in it. They are able to live in both worlds.

My feeling is that to live in the Deaf world, you have to be able to experience deafness. And for someone that hears, that's impossible. We cannot lock out sound.
My daughter is deaf, but she has a CI. Can she fit in into the Deaf world?? I wonder. She is deaf, she signs and could be fluent. She can learn all about Deaf culture.... but she can hear. She has a choice.
If she feels like it, she can cut out sound. But she has a choice.

I feel that the Deaf world is with deaf people that have no choice. That are allways deaf..

When you say "but you know there are people who just join our world and use it like its a fair ground rather than a serious place" it reminds me of people that think they know a vacation place because they have been going there for the last 20 years.... Problem is... they do not live there!! They go back to their own homes....

Mind you, I don't want to imply that there should not be contact between the two worlds.. Absolutely not!! We can learn from each other, and share experiences.
 
As a hearing person, I agree. The deaf community is a small group with almost nothing in common except the fact you are dea, or you are somehow tied to the culture.
Some may say it is wrong to keep somepeopl eout. I disagree. I am a member of another small closed community. I am a police officer. This community, like the deaf community is small and somewhat closed for a reason. If you are not a memebr of the community, you cannot really understand what the community is about. The reason I am a part of the deaf community is because my daughter is deaf. This is the reason I got involved in the community.
Like the police community, there are issues that soemone outside the community can not understand because they are outside looking in.
 
As a hearing person, I found entrance into the Deaf community to be relatively easy and pain free. Perhaps it is because I approached it with the attitude that they could offer something to my deaf child that I could not: the experience of sameness, of bonding with a group whose experiences were the same as his. Not to mention a shared language that he was able to accquire in the same way that hearing children acquire language from their communities. I went into the community asking for their help in explaining to me what my son was experiencing as a young deaf child. It was something I had never experienced, and therefore, had no point of reference for. The only people who could provide me insight were those members of the Deaf community that were willing to share their lives with me and my son. I have always been treated with kindness and a welcoming attitude from the members of the Daf community with whom I have had contact.
 
It's good to hear such a good experience of getting to know the Deaf culture.
You came with a deaf child - asking information, and that is great for the Deaf community. New members are allways welcome.
Other people that entered that world with good intentions with a child that was operated with CI have other experiences. (That child probably was not a potential member..)

I assume that your son is not wearing HA's or Ci ??
 
As a hearing person and a CODA, I can say I have lived in both worlds...Although, I am not deaf, I am welcomed in the culture because of my parents being deaf.

I know alot of deaf people dont always enjoy hearing people entering our culture and our world. I feel like some hearing people shouldn't be allowed in our world at all. I am not trying to be rude here at all to interpreters, but you know there are people who just join our world and use it like its a fair ground rather than a serious place and a place to have a good time, but not always for fun.I think we need to accept people into our world, but there are others that are very nosy and try to get you to let them in our world.
Click to expand...

Also, looking at it as an interpreter's stand point as an interpreter sometimes I feel like some deaf people I have met don't feel comfortable with me because I am hearing. Once they get to know me, find out I am CODA, etc...they relax and let the guard down. So, I get what you are saying when you posted this.
 
I have seen some that use the deaf culture as a way to get what they want with their lives. I find that very rude and not so nice when people do that with our world.
 
Cloggy said:
It's good to hear such a good experience of getting to know the Deaf culture.
You came with a deaf child - asking information, and that is great for the Deaf community. New members are allways welcome.
Other people that entered that world with good intentions with a child that was operated with CI have other experiences. (That child probably was not a potential member..)

I assume that your son is not wearing HA's or Ci ??
Click to expand...

You assume correctly. He was so profoundly deaf that he was taken out of his HA (right side) when he was 5 because it was interfering with the small amount of discrimination he could achieve with the left side. When he was 16, he opted not to wear the HA on the left side either, because he found the constant noise distracting and said it interfered with his ability to concentrate on the visual. He has made the personal choice not to have a CI
However, he has many deaf friends who do have CI. The majority of those use it only in selective environments, however. I personally know several people who have been members of the Deaf community for many, many years who have chosen to have a CI in their adult years, and they are no less a member of the Deaf community after CI than before CI. As I have said before, it is not about CI, it is about attitude toward deafness.
 
"it is not about CI, it is about attitude toward deafness".

I completely agree! But, there are a sizable % of the deaf community that needs to realize this. I am assuming that Cloggy was referring to me and my experiences when exposing my deaf daughter to the deaf community. My wife and I took her to the deaf caucus in St.Louis last summer. I have never seen so many people look at an innocent child with such disgust before. People would look at me in a friendly manner. Then they would look at my daughter and see her CI. Thier friendly look would immediately turn to disgust. Then they look at me in the same manner and litterally turn thier back on me.

As you said "it is not about CI, it is about attitude toward deafness".
That staement needs to be understood on both sides of the issue. Almost everyone I encountered at that event passed judgement on be based soley on the fact that my daughter has a CI. They never even realized the fact that I was at a deaf event, with my deaf daughter, in an attempt to expose her to the deaf community. I was there to learn, for my daughters sake, and mine. Fortunately, I looked past the bias, and flat out hatred that was shown to me. If I had formed my opinion of the deaf community based only on this incident, what do you think my decision would have been when deciding if I should expose my daughter to future deaf events or culture.
Fortunately, I talked to a counsler at C.I.D. who is deaf, and several deaf parents about my outrage. They assured me that deaf culture as a wholw was not this way. After thinkinbg about it, I deacided that the actions of a few, will not prevent me from exposing my daughter to the many.

I honestly do not want to sound aggressive, angry or condescending when I sate that, just because you had an easy time being accepted by the deaf community, that does not mean that all of us hearing parents of deaf children that wish to expose them to the deaf culture will have/did have the same experience.

I have to go. Enjoy your weekend!:dance2:
 
jillio said:
..... As I have said before, it is not about CI, it is about attitude toward deafness.
Click to expand...
It is about attitude toward deafness (from hearing people) AND attitude toward CI.... (from Deaf people)
 
Lillys dad said:
"it is not about CI, it is about attitude toward deafness".

I completely agree! But, there are a sizable % of the deaf community that needs to realize this. I am assuming that Cloggy was referring to me and my experiences when exposing my deaf daughter to the deaf community. My wife and I took her to the deaf caucus in St.Louis last summer. I have never seen so many people look at an innocent child with such disgust before. People would look at me in a friendly manner. Then they would look at my daughter and see her CI. Thier friendly look would immediately turn to disgust. Then they look at me in the same manner and litterally turn thier back on me.

As you said "it is not about CI, it is about attitude toward deafness".
That staement needs to be understood on both sides of the issue. Almost everyone I encountered at that event passed judgement on be based soley on the fact that my daughter has a CI. They never even realized the fact that I was at a deaf event, with my deaf daughter, in an attempt to expose her to the deaf community. I was there to learn, for my daughters sake, and mine. Fortunately, I looked past the bias, and flat out hatred that was shown to me. If I had formed my opinion of the deaf community based only on this incident, what do you think my decision would have been when deciding if I should expose my daughter to future deaf events or culture.
Fortunately, I talked to a counsler at C.I.D. who is deaf, and several deaf parents about my outrage. They assured me that deaf culture as a wholw was not this way. After thinkinbg about it, I deacided that the actions of a few, will not prevent me from exposing my daughter to the many.

I honestly do not want to sound aggressive, angry or condescending when I sate that, just because you had an easy time being accepted by the deaf community, that does not mean that all of us hearing parents of deaf children that wish to expose them to the deaf culture will have/did have the same experience.

I have to go. Enjoy your weekend!:dance2:
Click to expand...

Thanks! And simply because you have had some negative experiences doesn't mean that everyone has had negative experiences. I understand that you have experienced some unpleasant reactions. However, I would hope that you could take the fact that my experience has been different as a hearing parent as encouragement to continue trying to expose your daughter to Deaf culture. In other words---there are those Deaf who welcome hearing parents and their children. Keeep trying until you find them. It's too important to your daughter to simply give up based on a few negative experiences.
 
jillio said:
Thanks! And simply because you have had some negative experiences doesn't mean that everyone has had negative experiences. I understand that you have experienced some unpleasant reactions. However, I would hope that you could take the fact that my experience has been different as a hearing parent as encouragement to continue trying to expose your daughter to Deaf culture. In other words---there are those Deaf who welcome hearing parents and their children. Keeep trying until you find them. It's too important to your daughter to simply give up based on a few negative experiences.
Click to expand...
I think he (and I) found many of them here....
And I enjoy exchanging information with all of them... (Well, almost all of them. :cool: )
 
Correct! You know what they say about first impressions. It takes ten good impressions to get over one bad first impression.
I have had hundreds of good experiences with the deaf community. In fact, I was looking at the experience with deaf caucus as my first experience, which it wasnt. Every experience at CID was good. Before everyone says that CID is not deaf friendly, anti deaf culture and so on,, not true. There are several deaf parents that I met with on a regular basis, deaf employees, counslers and so on. The deaf caucus was just the first experience outside of that environment.
I have also had some very good experiences with members here. Everything from private messages fromothers support my statements, just that they dont want to get as involved in debates, to meeting with other AD members in a local mall to talk. Hell, Im gonna meet with another AD member tomorrow while hes in town. Were getting my family, his family (and granma of course), and other families together for some playground time, followed by dinner!

As Cloggy said, AD.COM is part of the deaf community. It is just slightly removed from the day to day of the culture because we are not face to face.
From what I have seen, deaf culture is just like any other culture. There are open minded and closed minded people, nice people and assholes.
People are people, the manner in which we communicate is secondary to the type and quality of person, you as an individual are.
 
deafmedicalpoet said:
I have seen some that use the deaf culture as a way to get what they want with their lives. I find that very rude and not so nice when people do that with our world.
Click to expand...

So, I know deaf people. I am involved with the deaf community and several of them collect social security checks for disability and yet they claim they are not disabled? They are capable of working but don't. Who is taking advantage of the deaf culture? Deaf people.

Or when they ask companies to do them special favours because they are deaf? Extend payment deadlines, abolish a policy for them, or otherwise give them 'freebies'. Who is taking advantage of the deaf culture? Deaf people.

Granted this does not pertain to all deaf persons or hard of hearing...but a very vast number of deaf or hard of hearing individuals take advantage of the hearing world. Claiming not only disability (but later denying it when they want something), but also claiming discrimination from hearing people who do not give them what they want. As a relay operator I see this everyday. I hear it everyday.

The deaf community and the hearing community need to get over whatever the heck they think makes them so high and mighty and just come to a mutual agreement. It starts somewhere. Saying that people who can hear are incapable of understanding is a bunch of (swear word)...you're discrimination is just as bad.
 
There are extreme people on both sides of the fence, and it is easy to focus on these because these are the extremes.

Focus should be on the deaf and hearing people that are in the middle, trying to communicate, and that see it as their responsibility to address the people with extreme visions and attitudes.

And that's what I like about AllDeaf. I feel that here one get's the opportunity to explain misconceptions and learn from other people's experiences... This cannot be said for some other messageboards for d/Deaf community.
 
:wtflol:
relayoperator said:
So, I know deaf people. I am involved with the deaf community and several of them collect social security checks for disability and yet they claim they are not disabled? They are capable of working but don't. Who is taking advantage of the deaf culture? Deaf people.

Or when they ask companies to do them special favours because they are deaf? Extend payment deadlines, abolish a policy for them, or otherwise give them 'freebies'. Who is taking advantage of the deaf culture? Deaf people.

Granted this does not pertain to all deaf persons or hard of hearing...but a very vast number of deaf or hard of hearing individuals take advantage of the hearing world. Claiming not only disability (but later denying it when they want something), but also claiming discrimination from hearing people who do not give them what they want. As a relay operator I see this everyday. I hear it everyday.
:wtflol:
The deaf community and the hearing community need to get over whatever the heck they think makes them so high and mighty and just come to a mutual agreement. It starts somewhere. Saying that people who can hear are incapable of understanding is a bunch of (swear word)...you're discrimination is just as bad.
Click to expand...
 
This is all very interesting to me. I am hearing and had never met a Deaf person in my life till about 5 months ago. I had always found sign language to be amazing though. After meeting him i began taking private lessons and now he and i have become great friends. I have gone to several parties with him that were almost exclusively Deaf, and had them at my home as well. I have never been made to feel as an outsider. Everyone has been warm and patient with me as i am still slow and only know about 1,000 signs. Every Deaf i have met have asked me why i am not in school to be an interpreter. Now i will go to school to take the classes. May not become one, but i want to learn as much of this beautiful language as i can. I am not trying to be part of the community, i just wanted to talk with my new friend other than pen and paper. I fell in love with the language and people i have met. Now so many of his deaf friends call me a friend and i talk with a few in addition to him almost daily. Maybe these are extrodinary people. Maybe they see that i am not trying to force my way in. Maybe they know that i am a genuine person and have no other motive than to be with friends in the same way i would with my hearing friends. What ever the reason i have enjoyed every experience i have had with your community and truly cannot understand why you would want to exclude a person such as myself. Hatred has never solved anything.
 
Southern said:
This is all very interesting to me. I am hearing and had never met a Deaf person in my life till about 5 months ago. I had always found sign language to be amazing though. After meeting him i began taking private lessons and now he and i have become great friends. I have gone to several parties with him that were almost exclusively Deaf, and had them at my home as well. I have never been made to feel as an outsider. Everyone has been warm and patient with me as i am still slow and only know about 1,000 signs. Every Deaf i have met have asked me why i am not in school to be an interpreter. Now i will go to school to take the classes. May not become one, but i want to learn as much of this beautiful language as i can. I am not trying to be part of the community, i just wanted to talk with my new friend other than pen and paper. I fell in love with the language and people i have met. Now so many of his deaf friends call me a friend and i talk with a few in addition to him almost daily. Maybe these are extrodinary people. Maybe they see that i am not trying to force my way in. Maybe they know that i am a genuine person and have no other motive than to be with friends in the same way i would with my hearing friends. What ever the reason i have enjoyed every experience i have had with your community and truly cannot understand why you would want to exclude a person such as myself. Hatred has never solved anything.
Click to expand...

I agree and I am sure I wud love hanging out with u cuz judging from ypur posts, your personality seems like the one I wud get along with.

Anywys,,I don't give a damn who hangs out with us whether deaf or hearing as long as they know some sign language..whether it is little or a lot. My husband's signing skills are very limited but he tries. I used to be anti hearing and all deaf power when I first started at Gally cuz I was going thru so much anger from my upbringing and being forced to function like a hearing person which caused me so much misery and stress. Now, I realized it wasn't healthy and it wasn't who I wanted to be. My husband has hearing friends that don't sign so to be fair to him, we go out with them ocassionally. My husband said even with hearing non signers I am very good at breaking the ice and at conersating with them despite not being able to understand them fully. I know how to BS around. :giggle:
 
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