When hearings singles ask you to call them..

VacationGuy234

VacationGuy234

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I use online dating sites a lot because it can be easier for me, as a HoH person,when communicating with someone with whom I might want to start a relationship. However, it's not completely problem free.

The sites I use are large, mainstream, dating sites. Every once in a while, I'll get a message from a woman asking me to call her with her number included. In my profile, I state, I'd rather not talk on the phone because I'm HoH, but I word it in a humorous way(you have to, otherwise, it's dating suicide). In these cases, I reply back about my condition and that I can't really do that. I could use relay, but I'm not comfortable with that approach because it's not really private. I do alternatively suggest email or text message, however, depending on the age of the women, that's not always an attractive option.

So, my question is how have others handled it? And, how have you handled it in cases were the person might be some distance away?
 
I did online dating over a decade ago and had similar requests for me to call someone. How did I handle it? I said "I don't hear well enough on phones but I can accept emails and txt messages."
 
I tried online dating a while back. Never got a request to talk on the phone. Just text message and email. How old are you? It could be an age thing?

Also, I disagree with your "dating suicide" comment. I always made it a fact to be clear and direct about my hearing and not minimize it with humor or something. I always got lots of contacts, regardless. Many were appreciative of the directness and were interested and wanted to know more about my experience. If it bothered a woman, then obviously she was not worth my time anyway.
 
TheWriteAlex said:
Also, I disagree with your "dating suicide" comment. I always made it a fact to be clear and direct about my hearing and not minimize it with humor or something. I always got lots of contacts, regardless. Many were appreciative of the directness and were interested and wanted to know more about my experience. If it bothered a woman, then obviously she was not worth my time anyway.
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Absolutely right about the bolded.
 
Some years ago, on different date sites, I would tell people that sign language was my first language. I was too shy to tell them that I was deaf.

Back then when I was on "hearing" date sites I had no cell phones!! I always told people to E mail me. One of the women was mad because I did not tell her that I was deaf. I told her that ASL was my first langauge. I was trying to give her a hint that I was deaf. Seems like she did not get it.
 
TheWriteAlex said:
Also, I disagree with your "dating suicide" comment. I always made it a fact to be clear and direct about my hearing and not minimize it with humor or something. I always got lots of contacts, regardless. Many were appreciative of the directness and were interested and wanted to know more about my experience. If it bothered a woman, then obviously she was not worth my time anyway.
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Yes, but in terms of the number of people who will give you a chance it is diminished. Obviously, you don't want someone who can't deal with your issues, but you also don't want to scare away the people who could deal with them. It's more work for us, but not impossible.

Some people are very good at dealing with this.
 
dereksbicycles said:
Some years ago, on different date sites, I would tell people that sign language was my first language. I was too shy to tell them that I was deaf.

Back then when I was on "hearing" date sites I had no cell phones!! I always told people to E mail me. One of the women was mad because I did not tell her that I was deaf. I told her that ASL was my first langauge. I was trying to give her a hint that I was deaf. Seems like she did not get it.
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there was no way to know if you're deaf or HOH through an email. It really should not matter but some people do not like to date deaf or HOH people. A guy lost interest in me when my friend told him I was HOH. That woman was not worth your time.
 
whatdidyousay! said:
there was no way to know if you're deaf or HOH through an email. It really should not matter but some people do not like to date deaf or HOH people. A guy lost interest in me when my friend told him I was HOH. That woman was not worth your time.
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You have a point. They would not know if I was a deaf or not. However, if I was a woman and a guy told me that his first language was ASL, I would ask why?? Are you deaf or do you have family members that are deaf?
 
The fact that someone uses ASL doesn't mean that they are really DEAF/deaf/Deaf.There are some members here in Alldeaf.com that are hearing but define themselves as "cultural Deaf".
To answer the thread anyone can phone me notwithstanding I am bilteral DEAF- I use a VCO TTY-UltraTec-1140. ( My implant doesn't pick any speaking on a regular phone just the dial tone)I have had it almost 15 years.
 
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back in my dating time, when she said, Call me! my number is 214-134-1341.

My reply: call me at: 154.215.13.44
 
I had told them that ASL was my first language. I did not tell them I was fluent in ASL. There is a big difference between saying someone that you're fluent in ASL verus ASL is your first language. People should have known that I was deaf. That was like 7 years ago.
 
dereksbicycles said:
I had told them that ASL was my first language. I did not tell them I was fluent in ASL. There is a big difference between saying someone that you're fluent in ASL verus ASL is your first language. People should have known that I was deaf. That was like 7 years ago.
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I don't think someone who does not speak a second language would identify with that assumption. A large amount of people probably still don't even know about sign language because they've never met a deaf person, IMO. To be clear, a lot more people know about ASL, but not all people know.
 
Just explain via e-mail that you prefer to text or email, but you could use relay if they prefer. Phone calls before you meet someone in person aren't really intimate, so if the phone call is "hey let's meet" and making arrangements, relay wouldn't be THAT weird...although some people are so afraid of any new experience that it would send them packing. If the aren't willing to take a relay call or function by email to set up a date, do you really think they're going to make the effort to spend a date passing notes or negotiating however you want to communicate?

As for ASL being your first language, I know plenty of people who have ASL as a first language, but are hearing (CODAs), and I know lots who have Spanish as a first language but also speak English well. I doubt that they analyzed this to figure our that it's your MAIN language, not just your first.
 
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