What is most respectful?

[LeNoob]

Hi all,

I work at a local coffeehouse and have had a customer come in a few times who is deaf. (I don't know about d or D proper usage so just take that into account here). The first time she came in she said what she wanted, but her speech was a bit hard to understand the first time around. My coworker who was taking her order didn't understand, so after some awkwardness he just pushed a pen/paper towards her and she wrote it out.
Shoving pen and paper in front of someone, while more polite than simply ignorning them, still seems a little rude to me. (maybe that is just my own interpretation- please let me know if this is really no big deal).
She usually gets the same drink every visit, and she has signed thank you to me. (I think she reads lips, but I don't know this for sure.)
Here is my question-- I had the thought that perhaps it would be polite of me to learn a few signs so that I could communicate some basic things and get her order when she comes in by signing (something like ''hi, another large ___ latte today?") I thought this would be most respectful and polite and natural rather than making her stop and write it all out. But I really was not sure if this would be considered respectful or rude.
If she is doing just fine and lip reading, I don't want to appear condescending but tossing in unnecessary fumbling signing attempts when she doesn't need any "assistance."
I also wouldn't want her to think I am looking at the whole thing as some sort of amusement for myself. Like, "oh a deaf person. How exciting, now I can toss around some bad signing attempts for fun and to make myself feel special"
Does any of this make sense? This would go for any such situation, not just customers in coffee houses. If a person does not request that you sign, and you are not fluent in signing, but it is apparent that they are deaf, is it better to try the few signs you know as a gesture of respect and to show that you are trying? Or is it considered condescending-- a bad form of unwanted help?
I would love everyone's thoughts on this! This experience made me realize there is a lot I don't know about the best and most respectful ways to interact with deaf/hoh people in varying situations. I have already learned a lot from reading on these forums.

 

[JennyB]

I don't mind people throwing in some sign if they know it. It often helps confirm that what I am speech reading is correct, or I am way off base!

What does bother me is "OH! You're Deaf! I know some ASL!" and then they proceed to show me every sign they know and struggle their way through the ASL alphabet. That bothers me. If it is someone I know well it doesn't bother me...like the other day my audiologist showed me all the signs she knows (which is 4 and I taught her 2-3 of them) that wasn't the same as some random stranger doing it though.

I am sure other people here know what I mean!

 

[Anij]

Personally - I'd think it was nice if you learned how to sign "Welcome" in response to her signing thank you - and then see her reaction.

Regarding Pen and paper - one idea is just leaving a note pad with a pencil on the order counter in easy reach. I never am offended if someone offers me pen and paper, provided it's a " would you mind writing that down so I make sure I get your order right" - and it's not shoved in my face !

If you're a local shop with a fairly straightforward menu - you might even consider printing up a "check mark-able" menu that customers could take home, or check at the counter - not only does it make you more hh/d and speech impaired friendly - it might encourage people to try new things as well !

Just a thought

 

[Hermes]

Here is my question-- I had the thought that perhaps it would be polite of me to learn a few signs so that I could communicate some basic things and get her order when she comes in by signing (something like ''hi, another large ___ latte today?") I thought this would be most respectful and polite and natural rather than making her stop and write it all out. But I really was not sure if this would be considered respectful or rude.

Think about it this way: Would it be considered rude if somebody else tried to learn English for speaking with you even though he can not speak so well? I can not see why a harm would come from learning a new language. Even if you cover the basics as the begining.

What does bother me is "OH! You're Deaf! I know some ASL!" and then they proceed to show me every sign they know and struggle their way through the ASL alphabet. That bothers me.

If , for example, you were German , they were going to do it with German words they knew. Not just that but if they happen to be young, they were going start with kinky words they know and they were laugh about it and ask you if they say it correct.

People , specially young people, do it almost every time they meet with somebody who is not from their culture. Its their way of trying to make a contact and say I know a little bit about your culture. Its silly, but extreemly common. But if it bothers you, I guess you just should ignore them.


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[jillio]

Offering pena nd paper is not rude. Shoving it at someone because you are frustrated is decidedly rude.

 

[AlleyCat]

If you're a local shop with a fairly straightforward menu - you might even consider printing up a "check mark-able" menu that customers could take home, or check at the counter - not only does it make you more hh/d and speech impaired friendly - it might encourage people to try new things as well !

That's a great idea!

Kind of reminds me a little bit of the drive-thrus where you can read off the screen what you have ordered so you know they got it right. Every little bit helps.

 

[jillio]

Personally - I'd think it was nice if you learned how to sign "Welcome" in response to her signing thank you - and then see her reaction.

Regarding Pen and paper - one idea is just leaving a note pad with a pencil on the order counter in easy reach. I never am offended if someone offers me pen and paper, provided it's a " would you mind writing that down so I make sure I get your order right" - and it's not shoved in my face !

If you're a local shop with a fairly straightforward menu - you might even consider printing up a "check mark-able" menu that customers could take home, or check at the counter - not only does it make you more hh/d and speech impaired friendly - it might encourage people to try new things as well !

Just a thought

Good post. Communication is a 2 way street. One must be understood, and one must also understand.

 

[Anij]

That's a great idea!

Kind of reminds me a little bit of the drive-thrus where you can read off the screen what you have ordered so you know they got it right. Every little bit helps.

Have you seen what Culver's has done at some of their locations ?? They have an "order assist" type system that allowed deaf/hh/ and others with communication disorders to order via drive thru - that is SOOOOO cool !! ... of course we don't have them here ... but it's just nice to see someone in the business sector make an improvement like that !

 

[AlleyCat]

Have you seen what Culver's has done at some of their locations ?? They have an "order assist" type system that allowed deaf/hh/ and others with communication disorders to order via drive thru - that is SOOOOO cool !! ... of course we don't have them here ... but it's just nice to see someone in the business sector make an improvement like that !

I have seen those, and they are cool! I know that, given time, more and more places will have these in drive-thrus. Can't wait!

 

[LeNoob]

Thanks for all your helpful insights everyone Good to know.
And keep them coming!

The comparison to a foreign spoken language made perfect sense to me. I am a bit of a language nerd and have had quite a few experiences involving other spoken languages, and yes, people generally appreciate if you attempt to use what you know in genuine communication. Not so much the "look at the random words I know" but using them to actually attempt communicating. Good comparison. Helped me out

 

[Gobae]

You know your story is incredibly similar to the reason why I decided to learn Sign.

It didn't seem to matter what job I was working at I was regularly running into Deaf people. Although I didn't mind using pen and paper to communicate, I got to thinking it'd just be a whole lot easier to communicate if I learned ASL.

Don't be afraid to find a class and give it a shot. I find that 99% of the Deaf people who you'll sign with are very pleased you are making the effort. I've only run into 1 person in 15 years of signing who was nasty and they were probably (technically) HOH.

She was speaking with the "deaf accent" and was clearly not understanding what I was saying. When I tried signing with her she said "I DON'T sign!" (as if that was beneath her) and stomped away.

All my other attempts have been very well received.

 

[SimplyMints]

Whenever I find out people have done something extreme such as learn a language just for my benefit, I'm very grateful, of course, but I also feel ashamed for those people feeling that they had to take such extreme measures just for me. It doesn't bother me so much when I find out I'm only a small variable in their decision, and they're doing it not just for me, but for lots of people, or possibly only for their own enrichment. Especially if those people seem to me to be trying to use their newly acquired skills for our mutual benefit, and not for the purpose of showing off, "Look what I can do!" I don't know what to advise you because I know most people feel differently from me, but in what way they feel differently, I don't know.

I have to be honest, and you may want to consider that sometimes I feel like I'm starting to develop a general dislike for hearing people, and I really truly don't mean to be because it's wrong and I know it! It's only because they tend to disregard me or treat me like a defect or an annoying insect, or completely ignore me. Hearing people who respect me get my respect in return. I don't wanna offend anybody, and I hate grouping people into categories because all my life, I've been grouped into categories and judged by other people based on stereotypes. I just want you to know that I'm not prejudice, and I know it seems bad how I feel, and it is, but I donno how to change it.

 

[loldrey]

I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I've been trying to improve my sign so I can communicate better with my Deaf classmates. They have interpreters, but I usually sign when I can because it just feels more personal. As far as I can tell, they appreciate it. Whenever I mess a sign up, they always correct me, and they try to help me learn new things all the time.

Anyways, and correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I can tell no one is going to be offended by you attempting to learn their language, as long as you do it appropriately. She might even be willing to help you learn.

 

[KristinaB]

I have to be honest, and you may want to consider that sometimes I feel like I'm starting to develop a general dislike for hearing people, and I really truly don't mean to be because it's wrong and I know it! It's only because they tend to disregard me or treat me like a defect or an annoying insect, or completely ignore me. Hearing people who respect me get my respect in return. I don't wanna offend anybody, and I hate grouping people into categories because all my life, I've been grouped into categories and judged by other people based on stereotypes. I just want you to know that I'm not prejudice, and I know it seems bad how I feel, and it is, but I donno how to change it.

I know totally what you mean. Since I lost my hearing, it seems that the people who knew me while I wore HA's don't have the time for me since I can't communicate with them. I am still learning ASL, but they don't know it and won't take the time to try to communicate with me.

I think the pen and paper idea is by far the best solution until you can learn a little ASL. It won't seem rude or presumptuous on your part expand on your customer service skills.

 

[SimplyMints]

I know totally what you mean. Since I lost my hearing, it seems that the people who knew me while I wore HA's don't have the time for me since I can't communicate with them. I am still learning ASL, but they don't know it and won't take the time to try to communicate with me.

I think the pen and paper idea is by far the best solution until you can learn a little ASL. It won't seem rude or presumptuous on your part expand on your customer service skills.

I think you do understand what I'm going through ^^

People who knew me when I wore HAs seem to think that if I put my HAs back on, I'd hear again. They don't seem to understand that HAs require at least some residual hearing in order to function. I have none. My sister told me the other day on Live Messenger that she feels as though she's lost a friend because she used to share music with me (Don't worry, I bought all the albums they came from if I kept the MP3s). She still sends me MP3s, so I go online and look up the lyrics, lol!

My parents and my sister have agreed to learn SEE (though my sister is actually learning a weird mix of PSE and ASL), so I've quickly learned SEE so that I can communicate with my family, but I plan to learn ASL asap. Deaf people seem to look at me like I'm the enemy when I start signing SEE. They're polite, but I know they know as well as I do that I can see their disapproval in their eyes.