I fully agree that it doesn't make sense! It's not really external stigma that I worry about...perhaps stigma was not the best word. It's more what I carry from my childhood that does it. A hearing aid still represents something that is broken whereas a cochlear implant is an attempt at fixing it. A hearing aid is noticeable in every way from the hot feel of it in my ear to the feedback I experience when I wear my hair down or brush hair out of my face. A cochlear implant is something I don't even notice myself having; I don't even remember that I'm wearing it unless I (very rarely) have to change the settings.
If someone else can wear hearing aids and be proud of them (like you, it seems by your awesomely blinged out hearing aids
, more power to them. Unfortunately I grew up with no support system and integrated in a school with no deaf/hoh so I have nothing but shame associated with them. I tried to be proud of who I was but had no idea WHO that was. I was SO integrated that even up until a few years ago I still thought my hearing was very good, whereas now that I have the CI I can see how profoundly deaf I really was!
As far as the shame game goes, I'm in my 30's, now, though, and I recognize how ridiculous it is to feel that way about something that is so long in the past, so I am forcing myself to wear the aid and appreciate the noises I can hear through it (most of which are lower frequency sounds not really heard authentically through the CI). Eventually I hope I won't even notice it anymore, that it will just be like eating or breathing to have it in.
