Wake-Up Call For Moms....

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Angel

♥"Concrete Angel"♥
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Here's something that won't surprise many moms:

52 percent of fathers stay asleep or pretend to sleep when their infants cry during the night, according to a recent British survey. Another 22 percent of dads only get up after mom is already tending to the baby. Cause and effect: The same study found that six out of ten new mothers feel resentful toward their partners and 86 percent of new mothers said they prefer sleep to sex...

Parents Magazine

That is so true, since my ex husband has never once got up when our three boys were infants, they would cry every 3 to 4 hours during the night and I would be the only one getting up.... :squint:
 
Yep, It's so true with me too, We made a promise before Markus was born that we will take turns waking up in the middle of the night, Well did not happen like he said, He woke me up or I'll wake up with a baby crier flasher.
 
I agree with you. It was happened to my 2 children. My 3rd child was Heart problem and nursed every 2 hours. My ex never get up middle of night to check his own son. I do get up every 1 hour to check his heart beat from my mother who woke me up. Then another an hour, i was breastfed him. I was look so horrible with my face. It was purple/black under eye and so tired. I been take care of 2 children mostly of time but sometime lucky for my mom willing to take care or play with them while i take a nap for short time.
But now i will have a baby very very soon less 3 weeks and DF willing to get up middle of night. He will let me rest and sleep as much. I was happy to heard that he is support and share together! :) I trust him alot that he will very good dad to my kids and our baby.
Mommyof3
 
My hubby and I shared our turns during night when we had our 2 babies etc. He support me alot with 2 babies.

I remember from saw what my Dad did to my mom like what you all describe about. He often say that it´s women´s job, that´s how he learn from his Dad what he did to his mother (my Grandma). He was bad husband and father to us in the past as my Grandad to his family, too. No wonder that my Dad learns from his father like this. My Grandma is strong woman and work at baker and 4 children upbringing with no support from his husband.

His father is also bad husband and father, too. It´s good that my hubby did not learn from his Dad.
 
I am going thru this right now with two boys... it has changed a lot now because my hubby works evening shifts, he gets so damn tired bec he goes bed at 12 or 1 am.

I get up at 330 am .. I have no compliants because I go work full time from 5 am to 1 pm,, I don't get home til 2 pm bec of 1 hr commute one way.

he is now mr. mom, I give a lot respect for him now. He watches boys from am to 2 pm.

Before He became mr. mom, he did help with my first son bec I was breastfeeding, it was so hard bec first child and all, he did help cuz first son was very ill when he was born. 2nd child, never was sick once, he did not help me at midnight feeding, one nite I got so so so fricking mad and punched him, he got up mad and said what the hell, I told him I do not want hear one fucking excuse that you are tired, I don't breastfeed anymore, our son is on formula, you get your big ass and get me the formula and we take turns.....it worked ever since... sigh....now new job and new change. it works even better. :devil:
 
wow.. Interesting about this....

My hubby cannot bear neglect babies.. He must get up and be there for babies feeding and changing diapear... He is quite spoiling his babies.. Funny thing, One time when I was supsect and he didn't return my bed. I decide wake up and checking.. *whoa* I was so smiled.. He was fall sleep while my daughter drink milk forumla.. I took picture of him.. He woke up.. whoa Is that big lighting and raining today? I told him no.. I took picture of you... because you're so such CUTE.. you holding your daughter while you fall sleep.
He feel secure bond around arms his babies... btw no more babies they are grown BIG kid now.. He really missess babies but can wait until become grandpa...heehee..
 
:giggle: @ downing and you're one tough cookie ya know that? ;) You remind me so much like my mom!


I don't want to brag, but my husband is the best supporter of our baby. We still take turns even though when it's my turn he'd wake me up to take care of our baby. Sometimes in the afternoon/evening I'd tell him that I need a nap so bad. He said, go right ahead and I'll watch her with a big smile. Everyday I said to myself gosh I'm so lucky to have him.

To the unlucky ones, I'm so sorry and that really sucks! Though some of you survived through and you amazed me because I don't know how I can pull through myself. :hug:
 
When my son was a baby, my husband and I take turn to get up in the middle of the night. :aw:

Now, he sleep thru the night and mostly the night, he walks to our room and climb to sleep in the middle of us. I wake up in morning not remember what time he crawl to our bed. :ugh:
 
Wow you girls got good hubands :thumb: ....
 
I add some of comments:
There is not only sleep and there are fews such as:
1. Afraid to be dad like bond with a newborn baby
2. Afraid to be hold the baby and worry that can break baby's bones
3. Don't like to smell Reek and make him sick or uncomfortable
4. Too tired to take care with newborn after he work long hours and day at work
5. Think of Drinking or Drug important than baby
6. Think of Money spend on something important than family
7. Think that Women must take care of baby all the time and Men work (old fashioned way)
8. Hang out with friends alot of time or be gone somewhere than stay home with family
9. Addict with Computer all the time for some of reasons
10. Neglect baby and mother s emotions, feelings, and needs

alittle off-topic but just want to add few of them. I bet some of you already experienced from your ex hubby/boyfriend in past.

Mommyof3
 
I know that this tread for female, mothers only.. but Perhap, I am wrong.. Heheh..

I am sorry to hear your emotions and thoughts (words) about your exes [ aka husbands or boyfriends] did not get up when infants cry or fussy or something like that.. they were wrong that what they did not help you as comproimse time for nor ready being father to take care their childern..

For I like to share with you about my expreince , my ex [hearing wife] and I automatically agreed about our compromise time for spend time with our infant when he/she cried or fussy or want spend time with me in while.. I always allow my son's mother go sleep.. because she took care of my child allday.. that is fair to her that i take care of baby all nights as everynight as I am father.. I had spent fun with baby during overnight... i had enjoyed and pleasure to have spend time with my child.. :D

Now my fiancee and I will have baby real soon and I am so exciting to have baby this month.. I will be same compromise with my fiancee about our new baby as always.. I will be more willigly take care of baby during midnight... I aint complaint or no disgree with my fiancee.. Man and woman are suppose to having compromise with their baby/ infants... I always promised myself take care of woman and child in family.. ;)


I advice you better talk to your man about that before you have to get pregant in future.. make sure that he is your right man or whatever..

Good luck to your new man would treat to you his lovely queen and take care of his new infant... :thumb:
 
ckfarbes said:
For I like to share with you about my expreince , my ex [hearing wife] and I automatically agreed about our compromise time for spend time with our infant when he/she cried or fussy or want spend time with me in while.. I always allow my son's mother go sleep.. because she took care of my child allday.. that is fair to her that i take care of baby all nights as everynight as I am father.. I had spent fun with baby during overnight... i had enjoyed and pleasure to have spend time with my child.. :D
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wow, I didnt know that you had a son with your ex-wife. I thought it´s your first soon to be child with mummyof3.

Now my fiancee and I will have baby real soon and I am so exciting to have baby this month.. I will be same compromise with my fiancee about our new baby as always.. I will be more willigly take care of baby during midnight... I aint complaint or no disgree with my fiancee.. Man and woman are suppose to having compromise with their baby/ infants... I always promised myself take care of woman and child in family.. ;)
Click to expand...

wow, mommyof3 is lucky to have you. :ily: :thumb:


I advice you better talk to your man about that before you have to get pregant in future.. make sure that he is your right man or whatever..
Click to expand...

Yes, true! I´m agree with you. It´s important to have discuss with your partner before you do something.
I did discuss with my hubby before start family. He support me alot with 2 babies like what I stated in my previous post.
Click to expand...
 
I didn't quite discuss this with my ex husband before starting having children that is because it was unplanned....I made tons of mistakes when I was a teenager LOL...

But now I have my tubes tied, I don't think I need to worry about that anymore ;)
 
I took mommyof3´s post to answer.

1. Afraid to be dad like bond with a newborn baby
I think the reason why the mothers drive fathers of newborn baby away. It would be good if the mothers should trust fathers with their newborn babies. I let my hubby to carry and hold our newborn baby because he´s father of my baby.

2. Afraid to be hold the baby and worry that can break baby's bones
It´s not good to worry too much because it could be lead overprotective parents. No good.

3. Don't like to smell Reek and make him sick or uncomfortable
:confused: could you please clarify what you want to try to saying?


4. Too tired to take care with newborn after he work long hours and day at work
Yes, I would not expect too much from my hubby if he work long hours and day. Important is work out together what we could support each other with our baby. Healthy Insurance company covered my hubby 2 unpaid weeks off pay to support me with newborn baby after come home from hospitail. He did it with our 2 babies.


5. Think of Drinking or Drug important than baby
This is a disgusting and very sad condition because they should not start to have baby if they think drugs/drinking are important.


6. Think of Money spend on something important than family
Like what I say above (nr. 5).


7. Think that Women must take care of baby all the time and Men work (old fashioned way)
Yes, like what I said in my previous post about my Dad, Grandad and my hubby´s Dad. It´s awful.
It´s long time ago. Now is different. Most hubbies supports their wives with babies which it´s good.


8. Hang out with friends alot of time or be gone somewhere than stay home with family
like what I say at nr. 5

9. Addict with Computer all the time for some of reasons
like what I say nr.1 but it´s not only just computer but more things like drinking, affairs, etc - that´s how mothers drive fathers away to unsatisfied life is feel being LEFT OUT.
Never neglect your partner to consider your newborn baby but share everything with your partner.
Best is show your partner how much you love him and want him to be with you and share with newborn baby.


10. Neglect baby and mother s emotions, feelings, and needs
Do you mean father neglect baby and mother´s emotions? If yes, like what I explain at nr. 9
Best is talk to your partner telling him how you felt. perhaps fathers are afraid to touch newborn baby? or jealous of newborn baby or more reason?
You need to find out why you feel being neglect by your partner... is TALK to him until everything is solved.
 
^Angel^ said:
I didn't quite discuss this with my ex husband before starting having children that is because it was unplanned....I made tons of mistakes when I was a teenager LOL...

But now I have my tubes tied, I don't think I need to worry about that anymore ;)
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True, it´s the same with my mother. She had me when she was 17 years old. Of course we always make the mistakes. :)

You have your tubes tied... :tears: Then re-open your tubes tied to give RR a baby :ily:
 
Liebling:-))) said:
I think the reason why the mothers drive fathers of newborn baby away. It would be good if the mothers should trust fathers with their newborn babies.
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No, It's not true at all, Mothers do not drive the fathers away from their own, There are some Fathers are afraid that they might hurt the baby while holding, or too lazy to help around.

2. Afraid to be hold the baby and worry that can break baby's bones
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What Mother of 3 said, is correct it is true, Fathers do worried about breaking the bones of the newborn since they are really tiny.

4. Too tired to take care with newborn after he work long hours and day at work
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There is no excuse how many hours the father works, It takes two to bring a child in the world and it takes two to raise one too. :)

8. Hang out with friends alot of time or be gone somewhere than stay home with family
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Yes, It's so true My ex did the same thing he spend more times with his drinking buddies than with his own son or with us, He never go places with us like Zoo, Chuck e Cheese and etc. Thanks God I dumped him. He wasn't worth a dime.


10. Neglect baby and mother s emotions, feelings, and needs
Click to expand...


It's so true, My ex neglect our son and my feelings when He borrowed my car and I paged him and told him that our son was sick need to see a Doctor he says he was on his way home, Hours went by he never came home so I called 911 instead. I was so mad that all he cares about was his own buddies than his own son. And the other time when I was working nights while he was suppose to care for our son, Well he was drinking during the time he was watching our son and passed out on the couch our son walked outside the apt. complex by himself at 9 pm with only a diaper on when it was below 10 degrees, Someone saw him out alone and phoned the police and told the police that he knows who that boy belongs to and brought the police at our apt. and the police knocked on the door a several times, My son's father did not answered so the police walked in and saw that the father was sleeping on the couch passing out the whole house was trashed while my son went through everything in the cabients etc. he was only 1 yrs old at that time, The police called me at work and told me what was going on and I rushed home and blew up at my son's father and he was arrested for neglect our son. I couldn't believe he did that! Grrrr...That night after he was arrested I phoned my father and told him what happened and wanted to leave this place and him and take my son with me, My father told me he would help me move tomorrow the next day I packed up and left.
 
3. Don't like to smell Reek and make him sick or uncomfortable
could you please clarify what you want to try to saying?


Reek is smelly greeny and poop..Some of guys can't take to smell it cuz it is so watery greeny or yellow. They feel so gagged.
My ex refused to changed diaper when my children were babies. He tend to feel queasy easily. So i do it all myself to clean up. :)
Mommyof3
 
:shock: @ Liebling.....heh heh, sure would be a nice thing....

As for fathers not helping with caring for a crying baby in the middle of the night--I have taken my share of helping throughout the night, taking turns, etc...even when my babies' teeth were cuttin through, I'd be the one that would rock and cradling them in my arms or placing them gently on my shoulders and pacing back and forth down the hallway for geee...like a couple of hours or so...once, doing that one time after a couple of hours, and then sensing she was asleep and then laying her down in her crib and started to walk away quietly, and then suddenly, she would cry again...heh. But no matter, I went about it, why? They needed that tenderly love and care!

So, for all you first time fathers-to-be, consider taking turns or at least give your share of getting up in the middle of the night and let your love one grab an extra few more winks!!
 
Mommyof3 said:
3. Don't like to smell Reek and make him sick or uncomfortable
could you please clarify what you want to try to saying?


Reek is smelly greeny and poop..Some of guys can't take to smell it cuz it is so watery greeny or yellow. They feel so gagged.
My ex refused to changed diaper when my children were babies. He tend to feel queasy easily. So i do it all myself to clean up. :)
Mommyof3
Click to expand...

Oh, I understand now. Thanks for clarify.

It doesnt bother my hubby when he changed diaper for me sometimes... He loves to watch me to change diaper ... He also likes to sing babies while I change diaper...
 
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