Visits -beware may upset

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Lissa

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How often do you visit your relative graves or memorial stones??

My father died 4 years ago yesterday and we dont visit his grave/memories site often. last time we went was in april

also my sister who died aged 5 months in 90, we havent been since the day after my dad's funeral 4 years ago

we dont like going at all and im just wondering if it is wrong or something. i would go on my own but i just dont think it actually benefits me
 
i haven't visited the gravesite of my mother, father, sister or best friend in over a year. i can't drive and the cemetary where they are buried does not have sidewalks in the area, so i have no choice but to have someone take me there. i wish i could go more often, but i can't.

i don't think there's anything wrong with someone not wanting to visit a person's gravesite. after all, that person is in your heart. it really doesn't matter whether or not you see their gravestone -- at least to me it doesn't. my mother, father, sister and best friend will always be in my heart regardless of whether or not i visit their gravesite.
 
I have never visited my grandfather's burial site -- he died over 12 years ago, I'll have been nice if I visited there once but haven't
 
I've always wanted to visit my grandparents' sites, but I never have since they were buried. I think of them often and they are always in my heart and mind, but I just don't visit the graves ... I feel guilty about that sometimes....
 
Deafteen90 said:
How often do you visit your relative graves or memorial stones??

My father died 4 years ago yesterday and we dont visit his grave/memories site often. last time we went was in april

also my sister who died aged 5 months in 90, we havent been since the day after my dad's funeral 4 years ago

we dont like going at all and im just wondering if it is wrong or something. i would go on my own but i just dont think it actually benefits me
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No, it is not wrong.
 
I do but i do still think of them and have photos of my sister and my father around the house. i guess like hear again says they are in your heart, im always thinkin of my sis although we never actually met, we were in the womb n born together but we never saw/spoke. im always thinkin of wot she would have looked like and what she would have been like. I do miss my dad so much.
 
Deafteen90 said:
I do but i do still think of them and have photos of my sister and my father around the house. i guess like hear again says they are in your heart, im always thinkin of my sis although we never actually met, we were in the womb n born together but we never saw/spoke. im always thinkin of wot she would have looked like and what she would have been like. I do miss my dad so much.
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i understand how you feel. :hug:
 
I don't think it's wrong at all, I am a twin, I never met my sister as she died during childbirth. There's not a day i don't think about her. I never saw her burial ground. My grandfather died when i was 18 he and i was very close. He was buried in the wall for a year then cremated so never saw his wall since his funeral. We did have memorial the year he was cremeted. but thats all. Its all in the heart. When i see Paddington bear i see my grandfather.
 
overthepond said:
I don't think it's wrong at all, I am a twin, I never met my sister as she died during childbirth. There's not a day i don't think about her. I never saw her burial ground. My grandfather died when i was 18 he and i was very close. He was buried in the wall for a year then cremated so never saw his wall since his funeral. We did have memorial the year he was cremeted. but thats all. Its all in the heart. When i see Paddington bear i see my grandfather.
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Aww...I'll never be able to look at another Paddington Bear without thinking of overthepond and grandfather.:hug:
 
My mother died in 2001, and is buried in Florida. I rarely get down there, and when I am, it's to spend time with my dad. For me, the gravesite is just where her body is at rest. Her spirit and her legacy live on through my family, her recipes, and lots of great memories and stories. We were incredibly close, but I feel that I pay her tribute best by living a good life, not visiting the cemetary.

Deafteen, listen to your heart. Nothing is wrong with your choice.
 
I don't think there is any reason to feel guilty about not visiting the gravesite. I believe the spirit moves on after death, therefore visiting a gravesite is like visiting a friend or a family when they are not home...

I think the least you can do is remember the deceased and think about them, etc...
 
I didn't visit my dead relatives for long time. I visited that cemetery place before I move out of state. I also took pictures of the gravestones. My grandfather wanted to be buried under the tree and he was buried under a tree but now the tree was cut down. No wonder I had a hard time finding his grave as I was using the tree as landmark. I found it after a hour or so in cold weather (and in snow).

Nothing wrong with not visiting the gravesites. It is more important to take care of the living relatives/friends.
 
omegaman said:
I don't think there is any reason to feel guilty about not visiting the gravesite. I believe the spirit moves on after death, therefore visiting a gravesite is like visiting a friend or a family when they are not home...

I think the least you can do is remember the deceased and think about them, etc...
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I agree. My dad and I used to visit my mom's grave more often but the last time I went their I couldn't feel her presence any more. When she was first buried I could.

However I do remember her. I have a web page dedicated to her and I also donate money to certain cancer charities* every year on the aniversery of her death. (*only ones that do not test on animals)
 
There isn't anything wrong with not being able to visit the grave sites of your dead relatives. Nobody should not feel guilty about that.

I haven't visited my paternal grandfather's grave site for a long time but it does not mean that I've forgotten all about him.

As for my maternal grandfather (well he's actually my step-grandfather and is the only grandfather I've known) is buried in California. So, Whenever I am in California, I try to get a chance to visit his grave site.

Once in a while, I would visit their grave sites to put some flowers there or just to have a moment of silence to remember them by.
 
omegaman said:
I don't think there is any reason to feel guilty about not visiting the gravesite. I believe the spirit moves on after death, therefore visiting a gravesite is like visiting a friend or a family when they are not home...

I think the least you can do is remember the deceased and think about them, etc...
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exactly. absolutely nothing wrong with not going to grave at all. People keep visiting for grieving purpose. once that is over... they don't go or hardly go. people move on but people keep them in their mind. pray at your bedside is more than enough.
 
its up to everyone's own

This situation reminds me of a poem or a phrase i read on a gravestone of a neighbor in the family that's buried in the same cemetery as my ancestors. Its up to each person how they can pay their respects and be able to cope with death of their loved ones.

it went with something like this there are many versions out there with many people getting credit-

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
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i have agree with posts!

my late grandfather died in 1976 and i never going visit his gravesites when i grewup till i visit my grandma and my relatives in Arkansas.My grandma says we going see my late grandfather's grave once not lots because my late grandfather dont like visit often of relatives. When my grandma died in future she tell me i can go her grave in future because im their first granddaughter.My grandma says i can visit my late grandfather's grave anytimes.My late grandfather would enjoying grandchildren visit his grave anytimes he always welcome but he still in spirit.

my late great-grandparents died in 1995 and 1999 but i visit their gravesites sometimes not lots.

one years ago my late grandmother died on July 2007 dues stroke but i didnt going her grave after funeral till memorial day its so hard for me! but my dad come to my grandmother's gravesites and i told my dad about im wishes my grandmother would alives today but im miss her!
 
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i have been thinking of wanted to visit some of my relatives graves myself

my grandfather who died when i was almost 19 in 1991 and i did visit his grave for few years until stop and never been to his grave for few years i was very close to him

my 2 cousins who is twin who were killed in fatal car accident that claimed their lives when they were 16 in 1994 and i was 22. i was also very close to them. they were buried by each side. i visit their graves every year for about 5 years on their anniversary of the accident/deaths and haven't been visit there for about 9 years now. i would love to visit their graves when i am in town. i miss them. Their eldest brother who died when he was only 4 months old i don't remember him for some reason that i was also 4 months old that time too. we were born in same year, same month but i was one week older than him. i saw his grave at my cousins funerals
 
My father's parents was buried in Iowa and I've only made it there once to see their grave. My mother's parents and brother is buried about 45 minutes away and I've only been there when it's time to bury someone else. My step brother was buried in Missouri and I was only there the day we buried him. I have pictures of everyone of them and when I feel the need I'll get the pictures out and look at them.
 
I visit the graves of my dad and grandparents every two years when I go to CT. I see my mom's urn at my brother's house then also.
 
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