Unalienable Rights!

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GarnetTigerMom

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Unalienable Rights!

from Wayne and Tamara
Five years ago I married someone wonderful. Two years ago I had my son, our first child. I gave up my job to stay with the baby, and now I am a full-time, stay at home mom. My son is wonderful, but I feel cheated and upset that I'm no longer independent.

I now have to ask my husband for everything, including money for underwear, which I find upsetting. He sees nothing wrong with this. I've handled my own money from the age of 15, and I'm now 27. Everything he wants seems important and needed, whereas what I want is second or not important.

A month ago I asked for money for new clothes. He said the amount was outrageous, and he had things around the house that needed to be done. I haven't said anything since. A few weeks ago he told me he's having a rack made for his Jeep. Is this at all fair?

It seems all I'm here for is to cook his meals and look after our son. I feel neglected and taken for granted. I was told by my mother-in-law that my place is in the home caring for my husband and son. I am lost as to my purpose in life. Every time I try to talk about how I feel, my husband says I'm being negative. I feel I'm about to go completely mad.

Raine

PS.
(What would your advice be?)
 
My friend is in the exact same situation. I copied and pasted this to send it to her. I cant give advice cuz I have never experienced being a stay at home mom completely dependent on my husband's salary. Always had my own salary. I cant imagine having to ask my husband for money for things..I wouldnt be happy living like that.
 
shel90 said:
My friend is in the exact same situation. I copied and pasted this to send it to her. I cant give advice cuz I have never experienced being a stay at home mom completely dependent on my husband's salary. Always had my own salary. I cant imagine having to ask my husband for money for things..I wouldnt be happy living like that.
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I know each of us needs to grow and expand, to express what is in us. If we are unable to do this, our feelings and frustrations will surface in ways which are destructive to ourselves and others. I would perfer to make my own money then have a controlling husband telling me how much to spend how much I can't have or share bank account. I prefer seprate bank account and make my own money. I don' t like being controlled. I don't need a husband that is trying to keep me in diminished or childlike role. :ugh3:
 
mostly married people have rights for more reasons like vacation,clothing,buy cars,suvs,trucks,etc for drive! im sure mostly married people wanted kept money for what really needs! like include pays for children's school every years.i would suggestion for married people really deserved for pay bills every monthly like include gas,electricity,water,etc!!!!!!! I knew mostly people who been still married for longtimes and have problems with bills,kids,family,etc.

When my parents got divorces i was 9 years old and my parents not going getting remarried so my parents still singles and my mom always pay bills all the times for more reasons!

if i got married one days i would pays bills and lots of mores who in trust of husband like include bills,house,vacation,rent apts,ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for more reasons!

i would think mostly people who still married and more trust each other for love of lifes!
 
My wife and I are in the same boat as you. I work and she takes care of the kids while I am working. We try to share everything and all. I know that she has no income and know that she can't be left out and needs the right to feel like she has her own. There are times that I think she goes overboard and spends too much on stuff. Then again, we living from paycheck to paycheck.

I kinda wish I had more control over the money like the spouse in this, so we won't have to worry about money soo much.

The person in this needs to have some freedom and rights as well. I have to say that she needs to let her husband know what is wrong and how she feels. Also, might want to think about looking for a job again.
 
sara1981 said:
mostly married people have rights for more reasons like vacation,clothing,buy cars,suvs,trucks,etc for drive! im sure mostly married people wanted kept money for what really needs! like include pays for children's school every years.i would suggestion for married people really deserved for pay bills every monthly like include gas,electricity,water,etc!!!!!!! I knew mostly people who been still married for longtimes and have problems with bills,kids,family,etc.

When my parents got divorces i was 9 years old and my parents not going getting remarried so my parents still singles and my mom always pay bills all the times for more reasons!

if i got married one days i would pays bills and lots of mores who in trust of husband like include bills,house,vacation,rent apts,ETC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for more reasons!

i would think mostly people who still married and more trust each other for love of lifes!
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I always believe in sharing 50/50 in the marriage and trust have to be there too. Trust goes a long way, and Sharing everything in the marriage should be work out instead of having one person control everything in the marriage is not good. As long there 50/50 to share the work load, caring for kids, the bills and ect. should be no problem help support each other. :) I would rather have a husband who is not abusive, controlling, demanding and bossy. That don't work for me. :)
 
I agree with Reba, but additionally I would like to add that it may be time to get a job (either work from home OR outside the home) if the husband is not willing to share the income. Unfortunately, these are issues which should be addressed prior to marriage and children, but often are ignored until it is too late.
 
p.s. thank you for making me appreciate my husband more :)
 
mmmhhh I am the same as Shel90. I never have any experience being housewife and mother and depend on my hubby´s salary. My hubby & I use same bank account to have our salary together in to pay the bills, mortage, etc. We discuss until we agree what we need before buy or order anything. We went to shopping together to buy clothes twice a year (summer and winter special offer).
 
Liebling:-))) said:
mmmhhh I am the same as Shel90. I never have any experience being housewife and mother and depend on my hubby´s salary. My hubby & I use same bank account to have our salary together in to pay the bills, mortage, etc. We discuss until we agree what we need before buy or order anything. We went to shopping together to buy clothes twice a year (summer and winter special offer).
Click to expand...

Funny, men never like to go shopping with us women sometimes.. it always us doing the shopping. ahhh. I have dated some guys that never like shopping at all. I guess some men are not men to shop.
 
I have experience in both areas. I always hated having to ask
for money. And worse than living from pay check to pay check
is living with a contractor for a husband. Who only gets paid
from job to job. And depending on weather the client was
honest or not, getting paid at all. I agree that some counseling
is in order. I still say a moms job is at home if at all possible until
he can enter school, BUT making your own income at home is still
possible. It may take creative thought but, my kids for their
summer business project, made homemade organic liqued fertalizer
from various ummm animal by products on our farm. They sold
this nasty smelling stuff for $3 per gallon and made over $500 this
summer! It can be done! The name of their product was, "SPIRIT
MOUNTAIN MAGIC ALL NATURAL PLANT ELIXER" It sold like hotcakes!
ewweeeww!
 
Eve said:
I agree with Reba, but additionally I would like to add that it may be time to get a job (either work from home OR outside the home) if the husband is not willing to share the income.
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I might also add that she should start keeping a log book and receipts of her expenditures, in case she needs documentation of the financial situation.

Even starting with the smallest job like babysitting or dog walking could be a start, especially since she wouldn't need to get daycare for her child with that kind of work.


Unfortunately, these are issues which should be addressed prior to marriage and children, but often are ignored until it is too late.
Click to expand...
True. Our pastor includes discussing financial counseling with pre-marital counseling before he performs a wedding. Of course, that also ties in with control and security issues. Often men want control, and women want security, and there's the clash.

Financial disagreements are a major source of marriage break ups. :(
 
I understand just how vital this issue is for some of you. First, decide what your goal is. Do you want a certain amount of money to spend at your discretion? To return to work? Or to have joint decision making about all expenditures?

Once you have decided, tell your husband how important this issue is to the survival of your marriage. You need to make your husband face this issue because your happiness, and his, depend on it.
 
Try getting a stay-at-home job?

Have you talked to him about why his rack is more important than the things you asked for?
 
You know what the old saying is, " The Declaration of Independence" says that among the unalienable rights of men are "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." People need to find happiness. There is nothing trivial about finding fulfillment. It is in our nature to do so.
:)
 
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