I hope you and your husband going to a counselor to help you both in your marriage issue as well as the trust issue. I know trust is always hard for lot of people. Believe me I been there.
But I can tell you how I view trust.
Here is my view:
I have been hurt too much in the past, and I refuse to be hurt again now or in the future!
People are out to get all they can from you, so avoid them to survive!
As soon as you let your guard down, you will be stepped on again!
No one is to be trusted!
You always get hurt by the ones you love!
I get no respect from anyone!
All men (or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted!
Everyone is out to get me!
I am never successful in picking partners, so why try again!
As soon as you care and open up to someone, they will always leave you!
Marriage is the pits!
There is no such thing as a healthy relationship!
You can never let your guard down because all hell will break loose!
All reformations are short-lived!
If I give in and believe you have truly changed, relaxing my defenses, I am most certainly going to be hurt again once you backslide!
There is no such thing as change in behavior. It is only manipulation by others to get their way with you!
Everyone is out to get as much as they can out of you!
There is no such thing as a fair employer, generous company, or supportive work place!
It is better to live alone for the rest of my life than to risk being hurt as I was!
I will never let you know my true feelings again since, if I do open up, I'm afraid you will use them against me to hurt me!
So here what what trust means to me:
Letting others know your feelings, emotions and reactions, and having the confidence in them to respect you and to not take advantage of you.
Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts with others with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately.
Placing confidence in others so that they will be supportive and reinforcing of you, even if you let down your "strong'' mask and show your weaknesses.
Assuming that others will not intentionally hurt or abuse you if you should make an error or a mistake.
The inner sense of acceptance you have of others with whom you are able to share secrets, knowing they are safe.
The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and the other.
The ability to let others into your life so that you and they can create a relationship built on an understanding of mutual respect, caring, and concern to assist one another in growing and maturing independently.
The glue or cement of relationships that allows you to need others to fulfill yourself.
Opening yourself up to let others in on your background, problems, concerns, and mistakes with the assurance that they will not ostracize you because of these things.
The act of placing yourself in the vulnerable position of relying on others to treat you in a fair, open, and honest way.
