The holidays sucks!!!

dereksbicycles

dereksbicycles

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I was not happy at Passover party with my family on both Friday and Saturday evening. I'm tired of going to parties where no one signs. Yes, my family signs, but not other people.

My girlfriend has been begging me to join her church. No one there signs either. I know that if I marry my girlfriend and join her CHurch, then I'll be left out every Sundays like I was left out the last 2 nights.

I can imagine being left out every Easter and other Holidays at Church because it's only me although my girlfriend is getting better on ASL.

I'm tired. I've always told myself that I would like someone who is deaf, but will be ok with someone as long as they learn ASL which is exactly what my girlfriend is doing.

I just don't find life fun. I kind of wish I was out in the Deaf World with a deaf woman.

Sorry, but I wasn't in festival mood for the Easter weekend.
 
Wirelessly posted

Bummer. :( Can you ask for an ASL interpreter for services?
 
Wirelessly posted

Once she gets more fluent, hopefully it would be easier. At least you have one person to sign with. And who know, over time others might learn, too? Hard until that happens, for sure. I dread large family gatherings and I'm HOH. Can't hear and understand words around a large table. I feel isolated somewhat, too. Just not much fun, I agree. :\
 
You gotta cheer up!....Adjust ur attitude a little....I'm sure everybody feels a little "left out" at times....but ur parents did try to make you feel part of the group by signing to you...and ur g/f is learning also. There will be many numerous times when you will be among people that are all hearing or speak another language....

If you don't feel like "talking" to anyone, then find something else to keep you occupied...we cannot expect all hearies to know ASL....and we can't expect all deafies to be able to talk....so it goes both ways.

I'm always "one on one", and do much better conversing that way.
 
GrayEagle said:
Wirelessly posted

Once she gets more fluent, hopefully it would be easier. At least you have one person to sign with. And who know, over time others might learn, too? Hard until that happens, for sure. I dread large family gatherings and I'm HOH. Can't hear and understand words around a large table. I feel isolated somewhat, too. Just not much fun, I agree. :\
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm glad you understand those large family gatherings. I know you've been there.
 
Derek, even if you could find a perfect Deaf woman, that wouldn't solve your problem of socializing with hearing people during holiday celebrations, or attending religious services. Most Deaf women (and Deaf men) are from hearing families. If you and a Deaf girlfriend go to her family's house for Thanksgiving, odds are that the rest of her family will be hearing. Maybe they sign, maybe they don't. A good many hearing family members don't sign, or sign very little.
 
I find the best way to handle situations like that is not try to understand everything that's going on. I focus on a conversation with one (or two) people, preferably using ASL, and then just enjoy chatting with them.

If someone wants to talk with me, they'll get my attention, ask their question and then we move on. IF everyone wants to be involved, then that means everyone needs to learn ASL - or at the very least respect Hoh/deaf etiquette: "one person talks at a time, everyone else is silent".

Another option is to have family meals with the hearing family(s) even though it's not especially social, and then "friends meals" with other ASLers you know so you can have the positive socialization and friendship (we should have, but often don't with our families).
It's actaully a great reason for a bunch of ASLers to get together after the holidays for a relaxing meal and "de-stress", where people can easily communicate with each other. It doesn't have to be anything fancy it's could be BBQ, pizza etc. Heck, it doesn't even have to be at someone's home if a casual restaurant works better for everyone :)

The most difficult, yet important thing to learn in life is to find ways to overcome the various obstacles we face, to attain our goals and be happy.

We can't make our hearing families deaf ASLers so we can fully participate in things like large hearing meals, but we can CREATE a second "family" of ASLers with whom we can share our lives and support each other in a way that is both emotionally and practically positive and beneficial for us.
 
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