Teenage attitude and stepdad

deafaussie

deafaussie

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I need some help and is unsure what to do with this suitation. I have three step children from my wife's other relationship. First, 15 Second, 13 Third, 9.

In the past two weeks, Second is failing grades purposely by not turning in homework, classwork and other tasks required by teachers. Second often miss school bus by taking things slower than we had expected. At home, Second does not contribute towards family life in our household. Sometimes, Second does bit after I had asked few times with my persistence and patience.

I took away Second's privileges. Sidekick 3, suspended World of Warcraft account, took away cable modem and portable TV in bedroom. Second doesn't have much choice of my and mother's decision but still defiant and stinking attitude towards me and doesn't show respect to the biological mother.

We want to return all the stuff that belongs to Second and is unsure how long or what Second could comply to our request to ensure that second is doing well academically and contribute well in the household. We know including teachers and principals knows Second's capability of doing very well in school. make no mistake about this.

What are your experiences in dealing with stubborn, defiant and bad-ass attitude to become well constructive, co-operative and productive kid in school and at home. I consider Second as my biological child and I do care for the Second's everyday's life

PLS HELP.

John
 
Whoa... a Sidekick 3 for your second child who is only 13? I think that's awfully early for a kid of that age to have a device like a Sidekick 3 and an online account like World of Warcraft.

However, taking those away does sound like a reasonable punishment. Hope that works out.
 
stuff like computers and that should'nt be in a bedroom in the first place. Move all computers out into a central area.

Taking stuff away from them doesn't really do much. Try to create more family type environments where everyone joins in. Soon they may come around. Remember though. They are teenagers. You'd find it a bit weird if they weren't being rude and that. They're rebelling man!
 
your kids should go to boarding school instead of public school.. or go to family counseling.. btw ur step deaf or hearing kids? i know that's tough when your step kids are teenager
 
Did u and your wife recently get married? If so, then maybe Second is rebelling against having a new authority figure in the house.

If not, then there must be something bothering him. I agree with Ringo about having some "family" time in which there is no TV, computers, or phones and spend time talking to each other. Listen to the children and refrain from criticism. See if that works?

If not, it could be a deeper problem that may require counseling.

Good luck!
 
Communication!!!There is obviously something bothering Second. So talk to them and find out what is going on.
And i do have to agree, a sidekick device or any type of cell phone device for a teenager not able to drive is a little over the top.

And computers should NOT be in any 13 year olds room. Take from a rebelious teen myself who had a stepdad. All kids do on computers in there room is look at things they arn't suppose to and stay up on them even after they are suppose to be in bed.. TV's as well. I use to stay up and watch TV and play video games without my mom knowing since I was 12.

Whatever it is that you decide to do make sure you and your wife agree on it and don't back down. Don't let up... I would suggest a bit of family quality time as well... even as punishment. My fiance's dad did this. HE would make them rack leaves for all 4 acres of there yard.. chop wood even if they didn't need any wood. They were very good punishments and tended to work very well from what I can tell. My fiance minds very well now.. LOL.

I would say first talk and see what is bothering Second. Obviously something is or he wouldn't be doing all this. If he won't talk to you get him to talk to the mom.. if that doesn't work Counciling..

feel free to message me I tend to can't find these threads after I post sometimes it takes me a while..
 
mostly kids always listen step-father who is nice and means

so i dont think kids would send to boot camp under 18 years old!

if i have my own kids one days i wont send my kids to boot camp i dont thanks for that! i want my kids get good raise and send to public school or deaf school like mine when i was going deaf school when i was raise as little girls and my parents already knew about that! i want my kids going to right school or no boot camp!
 
Thanks for the responses in this thread, Mostly are constructive. The computer is not in bedroom and it will never happen. I have four computers here and it in dedicated room which is used for computers and games.

He is a bright kid with high potential to excel in his school but for some reasons. He doesn't comply to my and his mom's request to do his homework. We had often discussed, figuring out the best strategy to overcome his problem towards his school work in his classroom environment, homework at home and family life. We often tried to communicate with him and his attitude really 'stink's and disrespectful. He has a older Deaf brother which is more operative and positive attitude towards us and often tried to help his younger brother to turn his way around.

Unfortunately, we have declined him access to his computer until . . . My wife is working on getting a child psychologist to discuss. Thanks
 
Sounds like spoiled teenagers, they have so much but when it's taken away from them, they go crazy Lol!! :lol: I would have done the same, but you spoiled them alit too much giving them so much it's unbelievable. Education should come first and as a parent I would have took away their privileges, I wouldn't even care if they gave me an attitude about it, education should have came first before their so-call fun life. ;)
 
Taken their privallage... Important communication w/your teenager and respect whoever step mother or father in the house... Who the boss ? Teenagers must learn and respect anyone the step father or mother... If you don't like it.. TOUGH!
 
Sounds like my daughter and my hubby (her step-father). She's 15 now. In the last few years was a constant battle about homework. It took her 5 yrs to get the message in her head. She does well in her class but hates to do homework. I've talked to her what's bothering her. I think or believe it has to do with me married to my husband instead of going back to her father. Her father remarried over a year ago. So, she realize that we're not going back together again. She's doing a lot better communication with her step-father. In the past, I've tried to bribe, ground her, take away her priviliage, not to let her see her friends, nothing works. She realize that her grades isn't going anywhere and she really wants to be CSI but with her grades are she isn't. So, she put her efforts to it. Now, she got As and Bs instead of F's. We are very pleased with her. Don't give up!! Show her how much you care about her education. It's best for you and your wife to work with her. You're not alone.


Oh, BTW, her brother is an Honor Roll. He just graduated last year.
 
WAHAHAHA!!! I like Lucia's idea. If I had a kid bad-mouthing me, giving me attitude and disrespect I'd feel pretty helpless as well but punishing them isn't going to do anything, taking stuff away isn't going to either. It's just going to make them rebel more.

Sometimes they need space, or perhaps family time. Take the kid on a camping trip and try to get him to open up. 1 week, 2 people in the wild and no eletrionic commutation? I'm pretty sure the kid would start gettin a little chatty then just maybe open up.

Edit- try to teach him (or her) something cool about survival or the animals, plants and stuff while camping :P.. if you're into that stuff.
 
SURVIVING THE TERRIBLE TEENS terrible teens

The Terrible Teens
The Terrible Teens - On Balance

The Terrible Teens
what every parent needs to know

Terrible Teens


This link helps how to deal with teerible teens.

It doesn´t mean that they are bad but that´s just teenage development. That´s just they want to be independant.

Try open communicate and try to be good listen their talk... Try to understand where they come from. You can explain them in polite way, why you disagree something what they did..Treat them young adult, not kid... If you carry on treat them kids then they will act immaturity teenager and will rebel against you which is no good.

Send them to teens camping holiday but it must be supersivor around... (I would suggest you to see family counsellor and check with them about teens camping holiday).

I myself have one teenage son and soon to be teenage son.


Fix your limit with computer hour on children. I limit my teenagers with computer time... they each use computer one hour a day and must go out.... and use their hobby in real life...
 
Sometimes, I wish I could get in their minds and see what they're thinking. :(
 
I have 17 and 12 yr old. Since our divorce, my wife and I dont have a choice by my ex inlaws, bec they made all the decision and the court approved of it. I kept my love and communications toward my kids numerous time which lead a stronger relationship as a father and children. Bec start in very early age. As you recently married and have 3 step children, it will take a long while dependable their background as prior home enviroments. Need to find a schedule, to play like cards, games, movies or something. find something to be creative to build stronger relationships. It does not heal overnight. It takes a long run. Sometimes, have to have one on one, of each, to communicate and even, tho, they will feel uncomfortable or have bitterness or something. It's dependable. there are large range and to figure it out to work on particular areas. I hope everything will be in better process.
 
If issue isn't address properly then you can put them away, also that would be worst one about lose child.

Also, some teenagers aren't stand in bootcamp and gotta out of control then rejected.
 
christlovedeaf said:
I have 17 and 12 yr old. Since our divorce, my wife and I dont have a choice by my ex inlaws, bec they made all the decision and the court approved of it. I kept my love and communications toward my kids numerous time which lead a stronger relationship as a father and children. Bec start in very early age. As you recently married and have 3 step children, it will take a long while dependable their background as prior home enviroments. Need to find a schedule, to play like cards, games, movies or something. find something to be creative to build stronger relationships. It does not heal overnight. It takes a long run. Sometimes, have to have one on one, of each, to communicate and even, tho, they will feel uncomfortable or have bitterness or something. It's dependable. there are large range and to figure it out to work on particular areas. I hope everything will be in better process.
Click to expand...
I don't mean to pry...why does your ex-inlaws has to control everything?? I think it's dumb. I'm sorry. They shouldn't control you and the kids' life. You don't have to answer if it's too personal. :)
 
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