Taboo??

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Southern

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I have come across something with my Deaf friends and with the Deaf people here in AD that got me wondering. One Deaf friend asked me what he sounds like. I explained echoing in a small room becoming very loud in the rest of the house but the same voice in the living room not really loud to another Deaf friend. On here i have seen Deaf people ask about tone of voice and these are all adults. It got me wondering why these questions were never asked before. I am an extremely curious person if i don't know something i try to find everything i can about it, which is what led me to this site. When my friend asked me what he sounded like i told him, but i thought, "you've never asked anyone that before?" he has a great deal of hearing friends and he is an adult so it was surpising to me that he would at his age have never asked that. I thought to myself if i were Deaf i would ask about that stuff all the time. Then i realized that i cannot say that. Being Deaf growing up i would be a completely different person than i am today with different experiences and life lessons. So being the curious person i am i thought i would ask here. Is it because Deaf don't want to bother hearing with, "silly" questions about sound? Is it "taboo" with some in the Deaf community to wonder about the hearing world? Do you just not think about it till something presents itself and then you begin wondering? Or do you just not care? :ty:
Okay did i have enough questions in there?? LOL :ugh3:
 
I asked my wife the same question when she asked. The reason she gave it was very simple and everything. She don't know what she sounds like and she is embarress on how she talks and don't use her voice that offen in public cause she is shy. She only talks to ppl she is not shy with, and that is mostly me and her family. She then told me that other deaf don't ask that question cause it makes them feel below a hearing person and not confrontble with the question with someone they don't know. I know that is not true with everyone, but that is a question you need to put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel if you couldn't see your face for your whole life and want to ask someone what you look like??? It something that should be known but can't know to a point kinda deal. Well, that is what I kinda noticed as a hearing deaf person(with to me means that I love the deaf culture and join them as much as I can).

It would be a totally different world if we where deaf and not hearing in the hearing world.
 
I agree it's an in their shoes thing. I do look at it from my friends perspective or try to as much as a hearing person can but i think in all situations people try to do that with their friends. Although i am glad that those who have asked me about sound have felt comfortable enough to do so, I'm sad too that they have not felt that level of comfort with other hearing.
Some of the things i have read here in that regard have really upset me. The isolation even with in their families i cannot imagine. I met my friend and immediately looked into learning ASL. He told me he has friends for 4 or 5 years who have never learned. I thought WTF?!?!?! how is that person a friend. Why would you not want to learn? I have my own opinion of those people but i won't air them here. =)
 
Well, I am a Deaf person so I can give you my insight--

if I ask a hearing person that I am not close to-- about my voice-- it is like me asking him/her to verfity that I am normal, just like a hearie. I don't need their verfication.
But again I rarely use my voice-- only to those hearing people who became very close (e.g. in-laws or family members) or in emergency situations.

Whenever I become close to a good hearie friend or I have to speak for safety reasons (emergency situations), I always make the disclaimer that I don't train my voice well enough to be coherent so the hearing people won't tell me that I "sound funny"-- which for me is the worst insult.

(An interpreter has told me that my voice sounds funny and proceed to MOCK my voice-- and I was so upset because she was an INTERPRETER for the Deaf community and she insulted me even though I thought I was getting comfortable with her. That was just wrong because she knew (supposedly!) the Deaf culture.)

I have got plenty of speech training throughout my k-12 education and they never tell you what's wrong wiht you. they just praised you and encouraged you to keep speaking (with gold stars sticking on your forehead which may be juvenille as you move into high school). They don't criticize you because they don't want you to develop an aversion to speech but they are dumb-- because the REAL hearing people will do the job and kill your efforts to speak. The speech therapist should be honest with the Deaf clients.

Admittedly, I finally know what my voice sounds like about a year and half ago when I asked my husband (who is Deaf but he can hear very well with hearing aids) to listen to me speaking. He told me to drop my "fake" voice which I have been used with everybody because I was afraid of my "Deaf accent". My fake voice sounds like a little kid with high-pitched vocal chords. With my deaf accent, I sound like a well-rounded person who may struggle with some words but I am much more easy to understand if I just use my deaf accent which is louder and clearer than my little "fake" kiddy voice which is almost a whisper.
 
My wife told me that when we 1st got together but not in soo much of a detail. I was also trying to word it like I was trying to downgrade the deaf culture too. Everything my wife told me, you had said, just not in detail. I see the reason why after my wife told me too.

Also, that was the reason why I met my wife to start with and everything. I asked her to teach me ASL cause I had 2 deaf friends back home and I didn't know a lick of sign. 6 months after my wife and I met on Amtrak, we got married and we have been married for 5 years now. I have had some deaf people ask me abt their voice as well. I believe if I want to be someone's friend, I should know the basic of their culture and laguage. I want to learn German and GSL since I am in Germany right now and want to be part of the deaf culture here.

It is wrong for a hearing to mock a deaf over their voice. That was wrong and that is the reason why my wife don't like to use her voice, cause she afread people would do that to her or won't understand her.

The deaf is more open and friendlier then the hearing world. The only thing I noticed is there is too much gossip in the deaf world. Again, I don't want to hurt anyones feelings, just another thing I noticed as well.
 
That is so interesting, my friend also asked me about his accent. Of course i was telling him about this person i was talking to who was going on and on and on about my southern accent. It always annoys me when some one does that even when they are complimenting me. He asked me about his. I told him he has a Deaf accent. He asked me to explain it which of course is difficult. I told him most Deaf speak similarly that hearing know when we hear Deaf speak that they are Deaf. Certain words are spoken differently and the voice is different i think so you can feel the vibrations better. Sounds like your tongue is further back in your mouth than we place it. I cannot believe that a terp would make fun of you. That's awful. I know i have not heard you speak but i will tell you Deaf accent is not "funny" it's different. I get made fun of for my accent and am treated like an idiot for it but i am very intelligent. i can sympothize with you on that point. WOW i hope that person is no longer a terp!
My friend uses his voice with me all the time and I understand when he talks quite well. (i need to talk to him about that though because i think i might be hearing him rather than understanding the signs) He doesn't seem apprehensive speaking to hearing people too much. Although one of his hearing friends he has known for a few years was around me and him and said he has never used his voice around him before and why does he with me. I said he always has i don't know.....
i guess it's a comfort level like y'all have said?
 
OH I have been there. I would not compare deaf people and hearing people.
My husband is hearing and is from england. He speak his accent and I speak america . When I met him, I couldn't understand him. So we write down a paper to understand better. It s take time to understand each other.
Lots of hearing people ask me how do I understand and how much I can hear. I explain to them how much I can hear and How much I can understand word. I have to read lips most of time. Sometime I can't understand the word. Some people say I speak pretty good and some people don't. Because they not use to speak with deaf people before. I use my voice alots and I have problem with to pronoun the word. My husband did help me with my speech. I really like that he help me alots. I have been married 14 yrs and still great. I did teach him sign language. I learn some british accent.
 
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