So I am Not Awkward, Shy, or Weird?

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Doug5

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The isolation and lonelyness, I experienced in school was the result of being hoh into a mainstream situation? It was terrible.

Im not one to bring up the past and bitch about it but, it happens all over again with every job Ive ever had.

Is there anything I can do about it? I would like to pretend and say it doesnt bother me but it does. Nothing makes you feel lonely like being around a bunch of people without a connection to them.
 
What about connecting with a nearby Deaf community? A lot of my Deaf friends work with hearing people all day and they dont mind the isolation cuz after work, they are able to interact with others like them for a healthy balance of both. Would that work for you?

I used to be mainstreamed and be around hearing people only...I felt the same way as u did and I was seriously depressed, angry, self-destructive, and in denial. When I learned ASL and started getting involved with the Deaf community, the quality of my life improved. Now, I dont have those issues anymore even if I get myself in an isolating environment every now and then. I just know that I will always have my deaf friends to go to later. :)
 
Doug5 said:
The isolation and lonelyness, I experienced in school was the result of being hoh into a mainstream situation? It was terrible.

Im not one to bring up the past and bitch about it but, it happens all over again with every job Ive ever had.

Is there anything I can do about it? I would like to pretend and say it doesnt bother me but it does. Nothing makes you feel lonely like being around a bunch of people without a connection to them.
Click to expand...
Oh Doug, I know how u feel. Keep ya head up and be the best u can be to make it.
 
Doug5 said:
The isolation and lonelyness, I experienced in school was the result of being hoh into a mainstream situation? It was terrible.

Im not one to bring up the past and bitch about it but, it happens all over again with every job Ive ever had.

Is there anything I can do about it? I would like to pretend and say it doesnt bother me but it does. Nothing makes you feel lonely like being around a bunch of people without a connection to them.
Click to expand...

I feel the same. I am 51 and still feel this way.

I think the best thing is if possible just to concentrate on something else. Such as interests of your own, like more solitary hobbies.
 
It's common for a lot of deaf people who work in an environment where there are no other deafies. That's why we shouldn't dwell on it and take advantage of other chances such as deaf socials, etc.

Try... Deaf Chat Coffee, Open-Captioned Movies, Deaf Happy Hour, Deaf Awareness Day at Six Flags, Deaf Awareness Day at (whatever else there is), etc.

They may not happen as often as you want, but when you meet another deafie... it would give you a chance to find out what else there is to go to. You might meet a deaf guy at Six Flags and he'll tell you about this deaf bowling gathering that he goes to every other Monday. That's another chance for you to meet deaf people.

Not everything has to be done at work or school.
 
Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated.

Hmmmm.
 
deafbajagal said:
Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated.

Hmmmm.
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The people who know me as someone quiet and shy at work should've seen me in preschool.
 
deafbajagal said:
Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated.

Hmmmm.
Click to expand...

Funny...I am described as quiet in both worlds...I thought my shyness was due to my deafness but even in the deaf community, it takes me a while to warm up to people and open up.

At least that gave me the final answer...I was born with this personality. :giggle:
 
shel90 said:
What about connecting with a nearby Deaf community? A lot of my Deaf friends work with hearing people all day and they dont mind the isolation cuz after work, they are able to interact with others like them for a healthy balance of both. Would that work for you?

I used to be mainstreamed and be around hearing people only...I felt the same way as u did and I was seriously depressed, angry, self-destructive, and in denial. When I learned ASL and started getting involved with the Deaf community, the quality of my life improved. Now, I dont have those issues anymore even if I get myself in an isolating environment every now and then. I just know that I will always have my deaf friends to go to later. :)
Click to expand...

That would definitly help for sure. But Im afraid the isolation at work is gonna hold me back and be detrimental to my career.

Im not sure if the deaf thing is the blame. The majority of my jobs after college were temporary contract jobs. Maybe the other employees didnt want to invest the time getting to know me since I wasnt gonna be around after 6months
 
Bottesini said:
I feel the same. I am 51 and still feel this way.

I think the best thing is if possible just to concentrate on something else. Such as interests of your own, like more solitary hobbies.
Click to expand...

I feel if its just going to have to be that way in a office corporate type enviroment. Then I should do something to change it.

It could be working at home or change careers completely. I am not going to subject to myself to that kind of lonelyness. I would just dread going into work. So much stress and anxiety.
 
VamPyroX said:
It's common for a lot of deaf people who work in an environment where there are no other deafies. That's why we shouldn't dwell on it and take advantage of other chances such as deaf socials, etc.

Try... Deaf Chat Coffee, Open-Captioned Movies, Deaf Happy Hour, Deaf Awareness Day at Six Flags, Deaf Awareness Day at (whatever else there is), etc.

They may not happen as often as you want, but when you meet another deafie... it would give you a chance to find out what else there is to go to. You might meet a deaf guy at Six Flags and he'll tell you about this deaf bowling gathering that he goes to every other Monday. That's another chance for you to meet deaf people.

Not everything has to be done at work or school.
Click to expand...

The little things get to me. I will feel left out of the cliques. Like when the group goes out to lunch and I am not invited.

Things like that make me really sad and depressed. I dont wear my heart on my sleeve. I admit it to you guys cuz you all no what its like.
 
deafbajagal said:
Oh, Doug I totally understand what you're saying here. When I'm with mostly or all hearing people, I'm more quiet...but that's not my true personality. The truth is I simply have a harder time following what is going on, etc. When I'm with deaf people whom I know, I'm a party animal! A lot of my hearing friends describe me as quiet and shy; my deaf friends say I'm a loud mouth and very opinionated.

Hmmmm.
Click to expand...

yep, after the group gets bigger than 3 people I start to get lost in whats said. Most of us are guarded around people we dont know well.

Nice thing being around people that are partying, is they talk so much louder and animated too. I think the best way to learn a language is with some drinks
 
RedFox said:
The people who know me as someone quiet and shy at work should've seen me in preschool.
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yeah, I was so much more outgoing before the hoh was discovered. I dont know why but I was never the same after that. Much more quiet and shy
 
For some reason I could not tell my parents how lonely I was feeling in school. I think I was embarrassed. By 5th and 6th grade I realized I was never gonna make any friends. It made me feel so humiliated.

A new kid was like, " youve been in this school for 5 years and still dont have any friends. Whats wrong with you?"
 
Have you tried searching for a small office? I don't know if working in a smaller work environment might help, but I would be that you won't be just a number. If you dread going to work, then I'd consider changing. If you can work in a deaf school, try looking there.

Yeah, I do feel alone sometimes. Sometimes it really means looking out for things to help others to balance out your life and doing a hobby and nurturing your spirit. I want to go to a Deaf chat event, but I don't know if I'll feel comfortable going alone lol. Some people are comfortable to talk to and those are the people that accept those for who they are. Sometimes even if they do things you do not like. They have to accept you for who you are.

Like for example, it's not easy for me to make friends with others that find you odd because you don't drink to have fun or sleep around and have boyfriends all the time like them. If they don't accept others for who they are without trying to make them like you, it's not easy to be friends with them because they are looking for something you do that they also do.

Sometimes people start to smoke just to join the smokers at work. So if someone doesn't want to smoke, they will find it hard to join them during smoking breaks. If they are gossipers and you're not, then it's not going to be hard to stay long to hear things that doesn't uplift you.
 
Doug5 said:
yeah, I was so much more outgoing before the hoh was discovered. I dont know why but I was never the same after that. Much more quiet and shy
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They knew I was deaf for my whole life because of my older deaf brother. I wasn't as inhibited in preschool, so I'd tell the teachers crazy things. :D
 
Doug5 said:
For some reason I could tell my parents how lonely I was feeling in school. I think I was embarrassed. By 5th and 6th grade I realized I was never gonna make any friends. It made me feel so humiliated.

A new kid was like, " youve been in this school for 5 years and still dont have any friends. Whats wrong with you?"
Click to expand...

Be positive and find people who won't let your hoh make them ignore you. :)
 
Im not working currently. A smaller off is something to look into. Im still positive. Things can be better. I just need to be more proactive.


ClearSky said:
Have you tried searching for a small office? I don't know if working in a smaller work environment might help, but I would be that you won't be just a number. If you dread going to work, then I'd consider changing. If you can work in a deaf school, try looking there.

Yeah, I do feel alone sometimes. Sometimes it really means looking out for things to help others to balance out your life and doing a hobby and nurturing your spirit. I want to go to a Deaf chat event, but I don't know if I'll feel comfortable going alone lol. Some people are comfortable to talk to and those are the people that accept those for who they are. Sometimes even if they do things you do not like. They have to accept you for who you are.

Like for example, it's not easy for me to make friends with others that find you odd because you don't drink to have fun or sleep around and have boyfriends all the time like them. If they don't accept others for who they are without trying to make them like you, it's not easy to be friends with them because they are looking for something you do that they also do.

Sometimes people start to smoke just to join the smokers at work. So if someone doesn't want to smoke, they will find it hard to join them during smoking breaks. If they are gossipers and you're not, then it's not going to be hard to stay long to hear things that doesn't uplift you.
Click to expand...
 
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