Sexless Marriages.....

[rockin'robin]

It's something most married couples would never confess to -- they no longer have sex.

Once a taboo topic, sexless marriages are getting more attention, in part because so many couples are complaining about the lack of sexual activity in their unions, according to experts.

Family therapist and relationship expert Terry Real appeared on "Good Morning America" today to offer advice on how to have a healthy sex life in a marriage, and answered your questions about how to get your sex life back on track.

Terry Real's Tips

For half of couples, Real said it's not a sexuality problem but one of forcing yourself to get into the bedroom and become sensual with each other. A lot of couples believe sex is supposed to be spontaneous and romantic, but with the stress of kids and jobs, if they wait for the perfect moment, they'll have a long wait, said Real.

Schedule romantic time once a week. Couples are often reluctant to plan a time for intimacy, no matter how practical it is. Set aside time for a sensual date night after the kids go to sleep.

Act like lovers before you enter the bedroom. Couples should keep some sexual energy flowing during the day by flirting, breathing into your husband or wife's ear, or talking dirty to keep the eroticism going.

Resist the temptation to complain and nag. The sex-starved partner has to keep it positive, to say things like "I miss you," to talk about feeling hurt or inadequate. Don't get angry. Be vulnerable. Say that you both deserve to have a good sex life. Research makes it clear that sex is part of a couple's feeling close to each other, their bonding. Physiologically, it's good for you. It's a critical aspect to your relationship. If you think you can be sexless and have a good relationship, think again. You can't say, "I don't miss having a sex life, so it's no problem." It's a terribly important part of your marriage. If one person is unhappy, both should be unhappy. Don't just let it go.

Investigate the medical component. There may be a hormonal or medication issue that's resulted in a loss of sex drive. If you really do have a sexual dysfunction problem -- premature ejaculation, difficulty having an orgasm -- try some self-help remedies first. Go to the bookstore. If that doesn't work, you can see a licensed sex therapist.

Sexless Marriage: Terry Real Answers Your Questions - ABC News

 

[katz4life]

:mmmokay: ?

It's not everyone. If it's sexless marriage, so what?

Bill and Hillary Clinton haven't had sex after Chelesa was born. Hillary confessed it in her autobiography book (2004.) There was something inside her uterus...it caused her a suffer pain below there.

My ex's adopted parents they hadn't have sex from 1979 until the hubby passed away in 2006.

Okay, it sounds kind of unfair, I mean some persons who are parlyzed from waist down that can't functionally have sex....but some do marry a functionally one. Like one nice guy in Brazil who's in wheelchair and he happily married a functionally woman who loves him very dearly and doesn't care about his well-being unfunctionally down there. Stupid asshole priest tried to ban them to wed just because people who are impotent should not marry since that said it's sin....or another sin that cannot procreate. Pretty fucked up philosophy some Catholic laws are, eh?

 

[shel90]

That's one of the many reasons why I dont practice religion. Too many stupid rules.

 

[rolling7]

My thought is....does being sexless with each other also mean being sexless, period?
Either or both could be having sex with someone else.

 

[KristinaB]

How about, the spouse's work schedule doesn't allow the time? Or the spouse has medical issues that make sex painful? Not all sexless marriages mean going outside the marriage for sexual fulfillment.

 

[rockin'robin]

There are couples who are still in love and capable of keeping sex in their marriage, but get caught up in work and child rearing.

Stress, working long hours could be the culprit, even becoming "bored" with each other. The article is just making suggestions for the couple to find and make time for each other, it can be done.

Even a mini-vacation away from the home and the kids could bring back the old "spark" in their marriage. Making time for ur significant other is important, hard to do at times, but it can be done. Keeping urself clean and healthy is important also. Leaving the dirty dishes in the sink for a few hours with ur partner is worth it!

 

[shel90]

There are couples who are still in love and capable of keeping sex in their marriage, but get caught up in work and child rearing.

Stress, working long hours could be the culprit, even becoming "bored" with each other. The article is just making suggestions for the couple to find and make time for each other, it can be done.

Even a mini-vacation away from the home and the kids could bring back the old "spark" in their marriage. Making time for ur significant other is important, hard to do at times, but it can be done. Keeping urself clean and healthy is important also. Leaving the dirty dishes in the sink for a few hours with ur partner is worth it!

What a great idea for my hubby and I...

 

[yagazn]

Ever see "Date Night" movie with Tina Fey?.

Well, go shopping at pleasure store then do something to excite your husband or wife in bed.

Spice it up!!!!

 

[LaurenTTRD]

Couple of days ago, I discovered something about people who I know - They're a married couple for more than 16 years. His wife vent and states that she is having issues with her husband.

I'm not going to provide some details, yet share some tidbits

They didnt had sex for fourteen years, I asked - why? She replied -- My husband is not able to get hard-on. In order to get hard-on, he wil need to take some steriods. Right now, we're in serious financial issues. We're not able to buy the steriod medications from the doctor.

I asked - have your husband tried the Viagra.

She says - the thing doesn't work on my husband.


--she regret get married with her husband - I'm like what the heck - why are you still with him? she said, if I leave him, he will live on the street and I don't want that to happen.

Told her, she got fingers, she have her own personal tools, explore it. OR work out with her husband somehow by visit different doctor, and get some type of RX.


amen.

 

[rockin'robin]

Couple of days ago, I discovered something about people who I know - They're a married couple for more than 16 years. His wife vent and states that she is having issues with her husband.

I'm not going to provide some details, yet share some tidbits

They didnt had sex for fourteen years, I asked - why? She replied -- My husband is not able to get hard-on. In order to get hard-on, he wil need to take some steriods. Right now, we're in serious financial issues. We're not able to buy the steriod medications from the doctor.

I asked - have your husband tried the Viagra.

She says - the thing doesn't work on my husband.


--she regret get married with her husband - I'm like what the heck - why are you still with him? she said, if I leave him, he will live on the street and I don't want that to happen.

Told her, she got fingers, she have her own personal tools, explore it. OR work out with her husband somehow by visit different doctor, and get some type of RX.


amen.

Seems the husband has ED...it's more common than not with a lot of men, and they are embarrassed to discuss it. Stress can be a factor, or feeling "inadequate"....
Maybe the County Health Dept. could help since they have financial issues? Going 14 years without sex??....Hmmm...hard to believe and there are ways to please ur partner without full intercourse.

 

[LaurenTTRD]

Seems the husband has ED...it's more common than not with a lot of men, and they are embarrassed to discuss it. Stress can be a factor, or feeling "inadequate"....
Maybe the County Health Dept. could help since they have financial issues? Going 14 years without sex??....Hmmm...hard to believe and there are ways to please ur partner without full intercourse.

I agree with you. I dropped my jaws. I felt so helpless when she share the tidbits.

Her husband is very neat person, yet he keep get screwed over by employer, and his wife just got laid-off from deaf school which closed recently.

I never really see them enjoy their time together, which question my thoughts about them.

Ill let them know that they probably will want to contact County Health Department.

 

[Grummer]

thats a bullshit marriage and they both fucking knew it

 

[rockin'robin]

thats a bullshit marriage and they both fucking knew it

That's being blunt....but you might be right. Some people stay married for the convenience, even the kids....as for me, being married that long and not having sex for 14 years, why even bother being married? Something should have been done before now....waiting 14 years?....
But she said the lady didn't want her husband "out on the street"...maybe just an excuse on both parts??

 

[jazzy]

Okay, it sounds kind of unfair, I mean some persons who are parlyzed from waist down that can't functionally have sex....but some do marry a functionally one. Like one nice guy in Brazil who's in wheelchair and he happily married a functionally woman who loves him very dearly and doesn't care about his well-being unfunctionally down there. Stupid asshole priest tried to ban them to wed just because people who are impotent should not marry since that said it's sin....or another sin that cannot procreate. Pretty fucked up philosophy some Catholic laws are, eh?

Another assume come out from you. Did they get married thru Catholic Church? If so then do not say this has to do with Catholic laws. this priest may know them well and we do not know. For some reason I do not trust this woman. We Catholics believe marriage is a sacred. Most people here in USA who got divorced because many of them were unfaithful. Too easy nowdays and many of them wont stick to marriage till ripe old age. There is so many Catholics who can not have kids. My grandparents who were strong Catholic adopted my dad and raised him alone, my grandfather was a sterile. We do not know this woman. so do not use it against Catholic Law.

 

[jazzy]

Seems the husband has ED...it's more common than not with a lot of men, and they are embarrassed to discuss it. Stress can be a factor, or feeling "inadequate"....
Maybe the County Health Dept. could help since they have financial issues? Going 14 years without sex??....Hmmm...hard to believe and there are ways to please ur partner without full intercourse.

I know many couple who does not do sex for few years to this day, some of them ended up cheated on their spouses.

 

[rockin'robin]

I know many couple who does not do sex for few years to this day, some of them ended up cheated on their spouses.

That's true, it happens. The article spoke about couples who were physically and mentally able to have sex, but didn't, for whatever reason.
Some couples get "bored" with each other, one of the partners just "let themselves go"....communication is no longer between them....so many reasons. Marriage is hard work....taking a little mini-vacation (just the two of you)....sexy lingerie....even cologne, getting into the mood, whatever turns you on....If you really love and care for ur partner, then ur gonna work at it!....If you've lost all feelings for ur partner, then most times it results in having an extramartial affair, even a divorse.

 

[LaurenTTRD]

I know many couple who does not do sex for few years to this day, some of them ended up cheated on their spouses.

Yeah. I agree with you as I was told by others that he did with other woman who is unfit mother of four kids.

So, it can't be true as he tells the truth.

 

[LaurenTTRD]

That's true, it happens. The article spoke about couples who were physically and mentally able to have sex, but didn't, for whatever reason.
Some couples get "bored" with each other, one of the partners just "let themselves go"....communication is no longer between them....so many reasons. Marriage is hard work....taking a little mini-vacation (just the two of you)....sexy lingerie....even cologne, getting into the mood, whatever turns you on....If you really love and care for ur partner, then ur gonna work at it!....If you've lost all feelings for ur partner, then most times it results in having an extramartial affair, even a divorse.

Agree - I hate to say this, I don't believe in marriage. It's piece of paper with the benefits only if they work for company yeah.

but other than that - common in laws is good enough.

 

[Kuifje75]

I wonder... is sex absolutely essential for a successful marriage or relationship? There are also other ways to connect to your partner through intimacy, and sex is just one of these ways. I have been with my partner for over 6 years and we don't have sex everyday. We do make time for each other like watching a movie together, or talking over dinner. Often we go away on vacations, and what do we end up doing? We end up eating lots of good food and being happy. I think people have different priorities and as long as couples communicate with each other, it should be ok.

Yagazn, I saw Date Night recently and thought it was so hilarious!

 

[Banjo]

Agree - I hate to say this, I don't believe in marriage. It's piece of paper with the benefits only if they work for company yeah.

but other than that - common in laws is good enough.

Marriages are not for people who are into transient relationships. Marriage is about lifetime commitment to each other, communication, love and more.

Marriage is only worth it if you marry the right person.