Selective Mutism

[SkullChick]

I always was and still am shy about using my voice to talk even though I've been told it sound good only need minor tweaking and practice on some letter I have hard time pronouncing like D, J and couple others. But I still didn't use my voices, didn't call anyone except my mom and brothers by their name and for rest its "hey!" lol and sometimes I uses asl expressive voices but not actual speaking and Illl never forget this but when my CI surgeon asked me to speak and it was my first time I met him so naturally I was super nervous and almost paraylized with fear but managed to peep the 2 words out of my mouth and he said "very good for your loss" and since then people ask me over and over and over again to please use my voice to practice talking but I didn't. And at my work I recently started working, all 4 deaf worker were pitying and look down at me for being mute and how that they can talk and stuff and feel bad for me so I got fed up with it and gave it a lot of thought. I want to talk I do but I don't know how to overcome the fear of using voice especially out in public.
Any suggestion?


PS: Sorry for long rambling post!

 

[Chase]

I always was and still am shy about using my voice to talk even though I've been told it sound good only need minor tweaking and practice on some letter I have hard time pronouncing like D, J and couple others. . . . [P]eople ask me over and over and over again to please use my voice to practice talking but I didn't.

SkullChick, what can anyone say here different from what hearing friends tell you face-to-face? You are your own enemy in this case.

Not that I blame you. I am shy, too, and your term of "selective mutism" applies to me. I've had people tell me my voice gets too loud. Others tell me it has a high pitch. Both ideas make me self-conscious. I'll talk one-to-one with certain people I trust, but I don't speak much when their friends join the conversation, and I almost never speak more than isolated words in public.

My girlfriend has stopped trying to force the issue. We are more oral in private, but nearly all sign language in public.

So I don't think I'm much help with your problem. Just empathetic.

 

[SkullChick]

SkullChick, what can anyone say here different from what hearing friends tell you face-to-face? You are your own enemy in this case.

Not that I blame you. I am shy, too, and your term of "selective mutism" applies to me. I've had people tell me my voice gets too loud. Others tell me it has a high pitch. Both ideas make me self-conscious. I'll talk one-to-one with certain people I trust, but I don't speak much when their friends join the conversation, and I almost never speak more than isolated words in public.

My girlfriend has stopped trying to force the issue. We are more oral in private, but nearly all sign language in public.

So I don't think I'm much help with your problem. Just empathetic.

Yeah, at least I know I'm not only one that have this issue

 

[Banjo]

SkullChick, believe me. You are not alone, I'm self-conscious about using my voice in public too. Maybe I'll overcome that one day. I do speak once in a while, but I don't feel comfortable. I can speak at home, but my family signs so that's a plus. I don't have a high pitch while I speak. I have quite a deep voice. The problem is, a lot of deaf people try to speak from the mouth or throat, which may explain why a lot of them have a high pitch sound while they speak.

 

[Banjo]

Actually, I just remembered that I did a vlog on this a while ago.

Banjo's World: Being Deaf in the Real World

Hope you enjoy it. Unfortunately, my monitor was not calibrated at the time I made this. So that's why it's pretty dark. I think I might fix it up a bit and make it brighter, then re-upload it. But I don't know when I'll get to that. :-/

 

[shel90]

Maybe that's just your personality and who you are? I have a student like that. She can speak very well and sign very well but she rarely expresses herself in public in either language. Sometimes, she needs a lot of positive support just to participate in class. She is just extremely shy but when in private or with her close friends she babbles away in either languages.

 

[Cowpuppy]

Since you have CI you may want to record your voice so as to become comfortable with it. Perhaps you fear what you sound like. But I guess you hear yourself now....perhaps you don't trust that what you hear is the real sound.
I'm no pro....this might backfire...lol

 

[Cowpuppy]

Yes....it is part of who you are...and you can't expect to just become someone else all talky all of a sudden...although others might think so.......I have some of this going on. A desire to be mute.

 

[SkullChick]

Since you have CI you may want to record your voice so as to become comfortable with it. Perhaps you fear what you sound like. But I guess you hear yourself now....perhaps you don't trust that what you hear is the real sound.
I'm no pro....this might backfire...lol

Lol I already heard myself talk when nobody's home its little high pitched and little trouble controlling my tone but its fine overall just I want it be clear and perfect I just hate it when someone said "huh?" cuz it mean I said it wrong its embarassing.
Jason my fiance said I don't have deaf accent like most he've heard but he said I do have some accent but its unique and totally my own lol
And when I said things right he said I sound like his mom
Also when I get nervous or feel pressure to use voice I usually screw it up and end up being more embarassed so its all downhill from there and stopped trying 4 years ago and I want to try again but I need find my confidence or maybe get once weekly speech therapy to build up some confidence? We'll see and chasie is right about me being my own worst enemy. So yeah

 

[Boult]

Lol I already heard myself talk when nobody's home its little high pitched and little trouble controlling my tone but its fine overall just I want it be clear and perfect I just hate it when someone said "huh?" cuz it mean I said it wrong its embarassing.
Jason my fiance said I don't have deaf accent like most he've heard but he said I do have some accent but its unique and totally my own lol
And when I said things right he said I sound like his mom
Also when I get nervous or feel pressure to use voice I usually screw it up and end up being more embarassed so its all downhill from there and stopped trying 4 years ago and I want to try again but I need find my confidence or maybe get once weekly speech therapy to build up some confidence? We'll see and chasie is right about me being my own worst enemy. So yeah

Good idea on twice a week therapy. have them evaluate you first and let them know you have problem with D and J. I had a problem with D till they showed me the right way. Maybe exploring this website might help you; Phonetics: The Sounds of English and Spanish - The University of Iowa

Remember D is same as T but D is voiced(using vocal cord) while T is voiceless

Enjoy checking it out!

 

[mellenart]

voice

The best thing to do is look at yourself in the mirror and watch your own lips when you talk. I never use ASL, but had speech therapy ever since I was a little girl..so basically I wore my Hearing aids to hear along with lip-reading to comprehend. Can you lip read? I remember my speech teacher telling me to practice my "th" when I was in 1st grade and made me look in the mirror. So go in your bedroom and just talk to yourself in the mirror, watch your lips as you say words. Everyone one is uique. Have your fiance practice with you....pull out a easy readers book and slowly read it aloud...hopes this helps!

 

[SkullChick]

The best thing to do is look at yourself in the mirror and watch your own lips when you talk. I never use ASL, but had speech therapy ever since I was a little girl..so basically I wore my Hearing aids to hear along with lip-reading to comprehend. Can you lip read? I remember my speech teacher telling me to practice my "th" when I was in 1st grade and made me look in the mirror. So go in your bedroom and just talk to yourself in the mirror, watch your lips as you say words. Everyone one is uique. Have your fiance practice with you....pull out a easy readers book and slowly read it aloud...hopes this helps!

Can I read lips with out auditory cues? Nope not at all
Can I read lips with any visual (like making body gesture) or audiory cues? Yes
I rely heavily on my hearing to understand other people talking to me so....
My fiance offer to help with speech but I still didn't take the offer its just so hard to just break the wall and get sound out of my mouth to talk and keep talking I'd say one or 2 word here and there once a while to my fiance that's it so far lol its way too slow of a progress so I need something to kick me in the butt to get voice out

 

[Pinky]

I am very mute. I has been trying to learn speech many times. It keeping my throat muscles get sore when I am using my voice. Because I am deaf and not use it. I am really shy to speech in public either. I has 90% percent profoundly deaf. I am going to get a CI in few years later. I have to be patient. I want to learn how to speak and hear. I have many hearing friends. The most time I use a write and paper to communicate with them. Some of them know sign languages a little bit. I don't mind to teach them how to sign languages if they want to learn. I know it's frustrate to practice for voice exercise in muscles. I have to be patient to learn speech. I know how to use voice with basic word like mom, dad, hey, hi, hello, why, where, who, what, stop, stop it, no, yeah, I love you, I love you baby, my dog's name, apple, water, few of simple people's name it's easy. I know how to speak some of cuss a easy. I can say shut up. LoL Many hearing people try to talk to me. I said I can't hear and get a write and pen. Blah Blah. I realized the letter is tough for me to voice are C, K, Q, and X. This is very hard for me. Other letters are easily. You get your implants. You can try to practice with your voice. Just use voice at home or go to speech therapy. It will help you.

Wish you have a good luck!

Can I read lips with out auditory cues? Nope not at all
Can I read lips with any visual (like making body gesture) or audiory cues? Yes
I rely heavily on my hearing to understand other people talking to me so....
My fiance offer to help with speech but I still didn't take the offer its just so hard to just break the wall and get sound out of my mouth to talk and keep talking I'd say one or 2 word here and there once a while to my fiance that's it so far lol its way too slow of a progress so I need something to kick me in the butt to get voice out

 

[jag]

I would say if you want to improve and get used to speaking you need to practice speaking. Maybe reading outloud to yourself or you fiance. Have a game night or something with just a few friends and play something that requires some talking. I have a friend for whom english is not her first language. I sometimes correct her hmmm, quirks. She actually prefers to have her boyfriend or I let her know if she's really messing up the language, and she rarely does. So have your closest friends help you become more comfortable using your voice.

Oh and if you want to use reading to start using your voice Dr. Suese books might be a good choice to use. They are short and fun to read. (at least I still think so)

 

[vallee]

I understand how you feel, Skull Chick. I agree with the other posters, you have to practice. There will be a surprise with your speech since CIs. It really changes.

Will insurance pay for speech therapy? If not then looking in to talking to a speech teacher(SLP) from a local school. They might have materials you can use.

 

[JennyB]

I was thinking the same thing as Vallee. Finding an SLP may be one way to go if you are covered or can pay for it yourself. I know thinking about doing MORE work with an SLP after you are finished school can be a daunting thought to many of us...at least to me it is, but it is really worth it if you can do it! I am in the midst of finding an SLP for myself too. Same situation as you, but I will speak to people I know well, or don't really know at all. It's the in betweeners who kinda sorta know me that I don't like to speak infront of.

 

[VamPyroX]

Lol I already heard myself talk when nobody's home its little high pitched and little trouble controlling my tone but its fine overall just I want it be clear and perfect I just hate it when someone said "huh?" cuz it mean I said it wrong its embarassing.
Jason my fiance said I don't have deaf accent like most he've heard but he said I do have some accent but its unique and totally my own lol
And when I said things right he said I sound like his mom
Also when I get nervous or feel pressure to use voice I usually screw it up and end up being more embarassed so its all downhill from there and stopped trying 4 years ago and I want to try again but I need find my confidence or maybe get once weekly speech therapy to build up some confidence? We'll see and chasie is right about me being my own worst enemy. So yeah

Have you asked your parents or other friends about your voice?

It's usually easier to ask someone we know for a second opinion on things.

Anyways, didn't you have speech therapy when you were growing up?

When I was in elementary school, we had a speech teacher that we went to visit every week for about 30 minutes to 1 hour. She would help us pronounce some words. She even had some games where we would try to learn to say the words right. (Example: We played "Go Fish" using playing cards with pictures of various foods on them. "Do you have a po-ta-to?")