seek advice

[somegamer09]

hello everyone, I am a new member here.

I am seeking for a good suggestion about my relationship.

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. She has 2 cochlear implants, and I am fine with her. I accept who she is, and I really love her.

There is a small conflict between us. I am deaf with hearing aids, but I am able to speak and hear pretty okay. She expects me to learn how to speak correctly.

there is another problem. if we'll be married, we agreed that we will let our future kids to decide to get cochlear implants or not. however, I just suddenly changed my feeling. I feel like I don't want my future children to have cochlear implants. My girlfriend is pretty shocked to hear that, and I kinda hurt her feeling. She thinks I deny her cochlear implants. I honestly didn't mean it, but I couldn't help it. I had to explain the truth.

Remember, I am not against CI. I respect people who have them.

I just want her to know that I feel like I don't want my future children to have C.I. I just think I don't feel comfortable to have kids with C.I. So, she's sad and shocked. She thinks I am ending our relationship.

This is an unfortunate moment in my life. I do really love her, but there is a conflict between us.

Perhaps should I be seeking a professional therapist? I already asked few of my deaf friends, and they don't want to have cochlear implants in their families.

once she found out about this, she thinks I should be dating a deaf girl. She doesn't even want to end our relationship. She said it's my call to terminate our relationship. I honestly don't know what to do.

What's your suggestion? Many thanks!

 

[Byrdie714]

hello everyone, I am a new member here.

I am seeking for a good suggestion about my relationship.

I have been with my girlfriend for 4 years. She has 2 cochlear implants, and I am fine with her. I accept who she is, and I really love her.

There is a small conflict between us. I am deaf with hearing aids, but I am able to speak and hear pretty okay. She expects me to learn how to speak correctly.

there is another problem. if we'll be married, we agreed that we will let our future kids to decide to get cochlear implants or not. however, I just suddenly changed my feeling. I feel like I don't want my future children to have cochlear implants. My girlfriend is pretty shocked to hear that, and I kinda hurt her feeling. She thinks I deny her cochlear implants. I honestly didn't mean it, but I couldn't help it. I had to explain the truth.

Remember, I am not against CI. I respect people who have them.

I just want her to know that I feel like I don't want my future children to have C.I. I just think I don't feel comfortable to have kids with C.I. So, she's sad and shocked. She thinks I am ending our relationship.

This is an unfortunate moment in my life. I do really love her, but there is a conflict between us.

Perhaps should I be seeking a professional therapist? I already asked few of my deaf friends, and they don't want to have cochlear implants in their families.

once she found out about this, she thinks I should be dating a deaf girl. She doesn't even want to end our relationship. She said it's my call to terminate our relationship. I honestly don't know what to do.

What's your suggestion? Many thanks!

Buddy--you got in trouble right before Valentine's Day?! Man--you are going to have to buy extra flowers and candy for her.

She want's cochlear implants for her children, you don't. That's a problem....

You both still love each other and chances are--you will get through this.

How about a compromise....let the children decide for themselves if they want to get cochlear implants or not when they turn 18????

Afterall--your children might be born hearing.

 

[Celticty]

Buddy--you got in trouble right before Valentine's Day?! Man--you are going to have to buy extra flowers and candy for her.

She want's cochlear implants for her children, you don't. That's a problem....

You both still love each other and chances are--you will get through this.

How about a compromise....let the children decide for themselves if they want to get cochlear implants or not when they turn 18????

Afterall--your children might be born hearing.

That is true. Only about 10% of Deaf adults have Deaf children. (Learned something in my ASL Class!! YAY!!) I agree with you, that they should decide when they are 18.

 

[Frisky Feline]

i know the feeling. My dh has a CI and he can speak & read lips very very well. He told me that if our kids were born deaf. He wanted Kids to have CI right away. i told my dh, that i rather be sending kids to see speech therapy when they are babies and wear HAs. They have to get use to HA and practice on speaking as much as they can. I feel that it is wise for Kids understand or familiar more about CIs. it's up to kids if they want to get a CI for themselve. I would definitely introduce kids to see other kids and adults who have CIs and enourage kids to get familiar with CIs what CIs are all about. Kids can decide for themselve. My dh first got ci at age 34 (i think). He has been picking up fast and listening better. Needless to say, he was in speech therapy all his life. so i dont see any wrong for kids to wait until kids prefer to choose ci or ha in their own decision withour our decision. My dh doesnt like my idea but agree on sending kids to the speech therapy first. Well, our kids were born hearing anyway.

in my opinion, *no proof* kids wear HA to pay attention to listen what sounds are all about like they keep practice on listening or speaking. Then they get CI and then they would recognize what sounds and can pay attention better. They would focus on their skills capable of listening and speaking better.

 

[jillio]

You definately have a conflict, but not one that can't be worked through. She needs to understand that your feelings about implanting your future children has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she is implanted.

You might also want to remind her, when she says that you "need a deaf girlfriend" that you do have a deaf girlfriend. You just have a deaf girlfriend who happens to have CIs.

 

[shel90]

You definately have a conflict, but not one that can't be worked through. She needs to understand that your feelings about implanting your future children has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that she is implanted.

You might also want to remind her, when she says that you "need a deaf girlfriend" that you do have a deaf girlfriend. You just have a deaf girlfriend who happens to have CIs.

Touche!

So true...it seems like your girlfriend is probably in denial about her deafness and that's something she needs to work on herself.

 

[Steel X]

So the war between hearing aids and coclear implants continues...

just wait til the kids are old enough to make their own decisions when it comes to coclear implants.

After all, she is STILL deaf when she has CI still wont make much of a difference compared to hearing aids anyway. :roll: