Hello everyone, my first post. I'm a hearie and just happened to come across this thread -- interesting! I have to agree with other people who have mentioned the enormously complex area of eye contact. I never thought it would be so different for hearies and deafies, but it makes sense the more I think about it. I have had a speech problem my whole life, it was deblilitating and traumatic when I was a kid and it never went away entirely but I've learned to deal with it and actually speak in front of groups for a living now, but between you and me it's like balancing plates to get it to all to come out smoothly sometimes. Anyway, having this condition my entire life, there are infinite subconscious "solutions" I've come across over the years. Words or sounds I have trouble saying can often be substituted with other words. For example, I have serious trouble with the "k" sound at the beginning of a sentence, so there was a record store I used to live by where I would ask to listen to a CD before I bought it. Unable to say "can I listen to this" without going "kkkkkkkkkkan I listen to this" yet "may I listen to this" always seemed too nerdy at this place, so I'd say "I need to listen to this" --which I found out the hard way was rude. I couldn't say the word "apartment" without saying "aaaaaaaapartment" to the guy buildng our fence so I said "flat" -- and I'm not European LOL :Oops:. What I'm trying to suggest is that being deaf, you've probably developed enormously complex "solutions" of your own, and of those is the expectation that people always politely face each other when they speak, since that's what deafies apparently do(?), but in many, many, many situations for hearies, that's totally innapropriate. One second of extra eye contact could mean everything from "I'm turned on by you" to "how could you say that" to "what the #$%^ are you doing" to "I don't understand" to "I'm drunk" to "let's fight" and on and on and on depending on the circumstances. The same could be said for tapping people on the shoulders, in most situations that's considered invading someone's personal space and even hostile, especially the more urban you get. You just don't know where those fingers have been in a big city and no one wants to take any chances. I go to great lengths just to keep my hands from touching anything in the mens bathroom, strange fingers touching me without my permission automatically puts me in a defensive position although I'd immediately react friendly if I found it was a deaf person and they meant nothing by it. I also agree with the eyes into the soul concept some people have mentioned earlier.
But to answer the original question at the video store, I think that specific situation has more to do with everyone is bored, slightly irritated for having to wait, and everyone is looking for anything, and I mean anything to divert their attention from the reality of waiting in a long boring line. It is at this time that "chit chat" takes the stage. Inane, verbal vomit I now think you deafies have the enviable pleasure of missing out on some of the time. We hearies know how stupid it sounds and if it begins to happen we want to hush our voices and avoid drawing attention to ourselves or they'll hear how stupid we can sound. And being in the vulnerable position where smashed gum on the carpet is more interesting than that line, sometimes it's best not to say anything.
A gift of my lifelong speech problem, and the enormously complex way I've learned to adapt to it, is a unique, almost autistically keen sense of pronunciation and when I try, have a pretty good command of the English language if I say so myself. I've heard my pronunciation of German leaves an accent almost undetectable by native speakers, yet my grammar is below pre-school level. So I hope some of you are picking up the subtle nuances this different perspective is giving you, and the edge it could provide you in the business world, among other things.
