Question for you hoh/deaf singles

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teachrmn

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I am in my mid 30's and single, and hoh (nerve deafness) I have worn hearing aids since I was about 5 yrs old. My speech is slightly affected, but I hear people tell me that my speech is fine. My hearing is getting progressively worse, so I am now finally taking the time to learn ASL. I am a teacher in a mainstream school, but hope to switch into a deaf school in the future. Now that I have told you about myself, I want to share a little about my personal life. As I said before, I am single, I never really had a serious "committed" relationship, however during college a had a female "friend" that I was close to for about 2 yrs. Other than that and a couple of short term "flings". I guess I wonder if any other hoh/deaf people have a hard time with their romantic life. I know my self esteem has been affected somewhat, but I try to keep my head up. I am starting to introduce myself to some people in the deaf community with the hopes of meeting a few deaf women in North Carolina. I am frustrated and am looking for answers or advice. How do some of you handle this. I might add too that I am a shorter than average male (only 5' ft 3 in) but they say that should not matter right? Its suppose to be all about confidence. I am a very outgoing guy and very passionate about everything I do. Isn't this an attraction that women like? Anyway I was just getting some frustration out there and looking for some feedback. Thanks you all. Also I am so glad I found this website.
 
OMG teachrinmn,
trust me.......this sort of problem is too common in the dhh mainstreamed to the max population. Even a lot of the high achiever types have social issues.
Wish you were in New England..........;) I don't have any advice as I'm still looking.........Matter of fact, i'm still trying to figure out if I'm all the way gay or bi. All I know is that I'm not straight.
Guys in high school thought I was asexual.....Yeah, who wants to date that weird deaf kid who everyone thinks is MR ? (mentally retarded) College was a bit better but still haven't found someone. :(
 
dont believe everything they tell you, i know this too , its all lies. People are selfish bastards, also if you want to stand out, i think what might work is lie, pretend your parents is filthy rich and that you like dope. see what happens.
 
your life experience sums up mine teachermn. I dont know what to tell you.

Ive gotten use to the lonelyness
 
Response

Deafdyke- have you tried some GLBT organizations? I'm sure if you look around the community you live in you should be able to find some group. This is a great place to start, if anything you could make some friends and network. Let people get to know you, then they could see your positives. If you play sports get on some teams..ect. I find that if I don't have someone in my life romantically, at least I can find other ways to meet friends, network socially ect..like I joined the local young professional' chamber of commerce group, the outdoors group ect...this has helped. As far as the teasing and rejection from peers goes, you have to put the past behind you and start to like who you are, find inner peace. I was in the same boat as you, like 3 yrs ago. I am now going to therapy and it has helped me tremendously. If anything a therapist can help you see whats on the inside of you and how to forget the past and live your life so you can be happy...Good Luck


Doug-you sound like you've given up...I refuse to do that, I refuse to let anyone or anything get to me. Don't give up!!
 
Deafdyke - if interested, there's RAD- Rainbow Alliance of Deaf, different chapters in U.S. and I think one maybe Canadian <not sure> -

<rad.org, then "Inside RAD", then "chapters">
 
deafdyke said:
OMG teachrinmn,
trust me.......this sort of problem is too common in the dhh mainstreamed to the max population. Even a lot of the high achiever types have social issues.
Wish you were in New England..........;) I don't have any advice as I'm still looking.........Matter of fact, i'm still trying to figure out if I'm all the way gay or bi. All I know is that I'm not straight.
Guys in high school thought I was asexual.....Yeah, who wants to date that weird deaf kid who everyone thinks is MR ? (mentally retarded) College was a bit better but still haven't found someone. :(
Click to expand...

some people in my high school said I was a fag. I was like huh :confused:

looking back on it, those that called me a fag looked like closet homos.
 
I guess I don't fit the mold, I always had boyfriends, even when I was not diagnosed as Severely HOH and had no HA and couldn't hear spoken words at all, I could hear LOUD music and always dated musicians and artists. I guess part of this is I like the chase, I like getting what I want, love to flirt and have used my deafness to get closer in proximity to a man I would want to talk to (like I have mentioned before, tell the person you are HOH and have to be close and see there lips, even gently turn there head to face you. I have found men are intrigued by it not turned off by it.

If you think things would be different if you were hearing, then try acting like you would if you were, by this I simply mean, take the initiative, be confident, there are lotsa fish in the sea, you just gotta be willing to fish for them. Don't wait for what you want to come along, go after it! Change your perspective and life will be open to you.

I can however relate to what you are saying and your experience when it comes to other people in my environment. Best of luck to you, you deserve to get what you want.
 
I had no trouble getting hearing boyfriends myself.

But I can see how it is harder for a deaf guy to get a hearing girl. In most society, girls look for independent guys (that's why many girls do not date boys who depend on their mom for everything-- known as momma's boy). I think they have a hard time seeing that in a deaf man. But it is possible that you can show them that you are strong and independent.
 
I find that if I don't have someone in my life romantically, at least I can find other ways to meet friends, network socially ect..like I joined the local young professional' chamber of commerce group, the outdoors group ect...this has helped. As far as the teasing and rejection from peers goes, you have to put the past behind you and start to like who you are, find inner peace. I was in the same boat as you, like 3 yrs ago.
Click to expand...
It's just kind of hard to meet people after college. I do know what you mean..... Although I was single during college the fact that I was popular and loved (platonicly) helped a lot.......
Luckily I haven't had too much issues with teasing and rejection from peers since I graduated high school. My high school was so snotty that MANY kids went through hell. It's still effecting me with issues like low self esteem etc.....
 
I live in an area that has more men than women. I haven't had any issues yet in terms of guys not wanting to date me due to being Deaf/HOH.

The only disappointment I have is that there aren't many Deaf guys around here as they tend to migrate to the bigger cities. Those that do live around here are not the "cream of the crop," so to speak.

Maybe its not meant to be?
 
men are willing to pay for sex. ie: men are likely to overlook issues like hearing loss, whereas women tend to be more picky.
 
yeah being alone sometimes sucks but it does give you something to relax and do some deep thinking :P but whatever lol ;)
 
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