Question for the grandparents.

[Steinhauer]

Ok, as some of you may now know, I have a little boy. He is 8 months old. He still sleeps in me and my wife's room, sometimes on the bed, sometimes in his bassinet. The reason for this, is because my wife is profoundly deaf, and I am severely hearing impaired and we both want to know when he is crying/needs his diaper changed etc.

Yes, we have sensors, but they are not fail safe (we learned the hard way). And we, as parents, feel this is the best way to parent, until our little boy is just a little bit stronger before putting him in his own room for the night.

Now ... I have a mother that is perfectly understanding of all of this, and my wife's mother (mother in law) understands it up to a point, and feels he needs to be in his own room.

My father in law has stayed out of this, as well as my own father. However, my father in law's girlfriend has had quite a bit to say to the both of us (and she has never had any children of her own). She adamantly is opposed to our son sleeping in our room period. She claims it is extremely unhealthy for him (it isn't), and basically just makes us both feel like we have Down Syndrome when she gives us unsolicited advice.

So, all you "Dear Abbey" folks out there ... how would you handle this?

(P.S. I should add here .. she means well ... but ...ah, whatever)

 

[Steinhauer]

I mean ... should I listen to the interwebz experts ... or a know it all whom has never had a child?


When can I let my baby sleep in a separate room? | BabyCenter

consider keeping his crib in your bedroom for up to a year

 

[Bottesini]

I think he is fine in your room. When my oldest daughter was a baby, she was in her own room as that was standard practice of the time. One night she got her leg wedged in the crib bars, and as I heard nothing, the leg swelled and she needed to go to the emergency room in the morning.

I have always felt bad about that, and I think the modern way is a lot better for both child and parent.

 

[Steinhauer]

I think he is fine in your room. When my oldest daughter was a baby, she was in her own room as that was standard practice of the time. One night she got her leg wedged in the crib bars, and as I heard nothing, the leg swelled and she needed to go to the emergency room in the morning.

I have always felt bad about that, and I think the modern way is a lot better for both child and parent.

That is something my wife and I are fearful of. Something like him falling out of his crib, and we aren't around.

 

[Angel1989]

If you have a small crib that is the same hight as your own bed this worked great for me. I could lay in bed and hold my babies had all night. My kids were on apnea monitors so I needed them close. I personally never let the kids sleep in our bed, mostly because hubby use to get up at 3:45am every morning. You are the parents and you need to decided what is right for your child. I personally would keep him close to you.

 

[LoveBlue]

Ignore her. Do what YOU feel comfortable doing.


Sent from my iPhone using AllDeaf

 

[caz12]

I had two children one prior and post deafness.i use to follow their advice and it made me real ill...in the end I followed what I felt was right and comfortable which in onecase was in with me and other child in cot and told inlaws what they wanted to hear.everyone happy and you should not justify to them why

 

[rockin'robin]

That is something my wife and I are fearful of. Something like him falling out of his crib, and we aren't around.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

If you want your mother in law to live you , you could tell if she is willing to move and tell you when your son is crying in the middle of the night while sleeping in his own bedroom you'll do as she say . If she does not she want to do this she should bud out. My baby slept in the same room with me until she was about a year old and she is now a grown woman and doing just fine. I think your mother in law is out of line telling you and your wife where your baby should sleep. You could say to your MIL ' Whatdidyousay? '

Pilgrims lived in one room cabins and if your MIL was right this country would never had gotten as far it did today.

 

[Frisky Feline]

Its all about you and your wife's decision, not anyone who gets butt in.


for me, I personally prefer to put my kids in the bassinet in the same room as us for about three months but during the day time, I do put kid in the crib. I constantly checked on kids during the day time with the baby cry signler. I do check on them and the baby cry signler during the middle of night.

I know some parents prefer baby with them for a year or so. Every parents' decisions, not ours.

 

[PinkyZebra]

Well. I have a baby monitor with vibrate. I never let my infant son sleep with me until he is toddler years. I was panic and not want to hurt my son when he fall down on the floor. My husband is hearing and can hear our son's cry for change the diaper. My son was crying for diaper or hungry. I always use baby monitor with vibrate with me in bed. You know every grandparents always worry too much. My son was sleep with me when he had a bad dream or fear of hear the lightning in middle of night when he was toddler. I let him sleep with us on our bed. He always sleep in his crib bed. He can sleep with me during nap time. I put the pillow behind the bed to prevent of rollover and fall down. If your mom in law never have a children. You just ignore her advice because she have no experience with kids since she don't have children. You can tell her back off between you and your wife. I don't let my mom in law to tell me to do.

 

[Steinhauer]

I appreciate all the feedback and thank you. I do, however, need to clarify something. My FIL's girlfriend is not my MIL. My MIL is remarried (FIL and MIL divorced). So, his gf is the one giving the unsolicited advice. She means well, but like I said, me and my wife never asked her for parenting advice. My MIL and my FIL are both wonderful people - they are also a bit more understanding because they both raised a deaf daughter - my wife.

 

[Reba]

. . . However, my father in law's girlfriend has had quite a bit to say to the both of us (and she has never had any children of her own). She adamantly is opposed to our son sleeping in our room period. She claims it is extremely unhealthy for him (it isn't), and basically just makes us both feel like we have Down Syndrome when she gives us unsolicited advice.

So, all you "Dear Abbey" folks out there ... how would you handle this?

(P.S. I should add here .. she means well ... but ...ah, whatever)

Hmm, that's a tough one. I'm a grandmother but I've never had a similar experience. None of my parents or in-laws ever gave me advice, and I never gave my daughter any contradictory parenting advice. For one thing, if I had, my daughter would have never put up with it.

Since the woman is just a girlfriend, I don't even understand where she thinks she has any right to say anything. Be that as it may, you have no obligation to follow her "advice."

She already gave you her opinion, so it's done. Just keep doing what you know is best. If she brings it up again, say, "Thanks, but you mentioned that before. Next topic please."

I hope it doesn't come up again.

 

[whatdidyousay!]

Hmm, that's a tough one. I'm a grandmother but I've never had a similar experience. None of my parents or in-laws ever gave me advice, and I never gave my daughter any contradictory parenting advice. For one thing, if I had, my daughter would have never put up with it.

Since the woman is just a girlfriend, I don't even understand where she thinks she has any right to say anything. Be that as it may, you have no obligation to follow her "advice."

She already gave you her opinion, so it's done. Just keep doing what you know is best. If she brings it up again, say, "Thanks, but you mentioned that before. Next topic please."

I hope it doesn't come up again.

He could tell the woman that he is only using ASL to communicate and not listening to people that using their voice to communicate .

 

[sphenix]

I never have had any children of my own--I was a babysitter for my god-children, though. With that said, you and your wife just need to go with your "gut feeling" when it comes to parenting. Always trust that "gut feeling" no matter what. I was born profoundly deaf to hearing parents and my parents were often criticized left and right for the way they raised me, but my parents stuck to their guns and I turned out just fine.

If the girlfriend starts to provide unsolicited advice, tell her that you did not ask her for advice then go ahead and change the subject/topic. Something along that line. If she continues to butt in on your parenting style just say, "It is clear that you do not respect the way my wife and I parent our child. I am not going to talk with you if you have that kind of attitude." Sometimes you just need to be blunt and cut it to the chase for the other person to get the hint.

 

[caz12]

as a grandparent I never involve myself with sort of thing,i see my children doing most bizzare things I would not have done I may voice some advice but never an opinion.we We all parent our child differnly but don't mean we wrong and your dads girl friend keep her nose out of it.People with Downs kids would find it most insulting

 

[Bebonang]

I had put my son in the baby crib carrier close to my bed so that I can put my hand on his back for breathing and feeling the vibrations if he cried. My husband (Ex) did not objected having our son sleep in our bedroom. I don't have a baby crier device with flashing lights. I did not know where to buy one back then. I don't remember how long my son was sleeping in our bedroom before he went into another room. I still come every now and then to check him if he is okay and need to get out of the crib for feeding, changing the diaper, bathing, dressing and learning to walk when he became a toddler. So far my son was doing fine all through the stages of babyhood and being a toddler. No, I have never got any advice from my In-Laws except one when they told me later on when my son was able to talk and they told me my son mispronounced words that I had taught to speak, even when I was signing to him. I knew he is hearing, because he responded to sounds. Other than that, he was fine.