Parents Lie to Children Surprisingly Often

My parents lied to me a lot.

I never thought about it until I got older and remembered what they said to me. :roll:
 
Yup! I am guilty of doing it from time to time. Certain things my children do not need to know. Once they are grown then perhaps.
 
People lie a lot in general. Not just parents to children.

Anyone ever noticed the double-standard for parents and children, though? Where parents lie to their children all the time while simultaneously expecting their children to be completely honest and punishing them if they aren't?
 
Doesn't surprise me. We live in a very dishonest and unethnical society.
 
My parents lied to me and 4 other siblings when we were little. We went thru difficult times when my parents were divorced. It's too painful for all of us.
 
My mom lied to me about the reason she and my dad divorced. I learned them as an adult and some of bthe stuff weren't appropriate for a 10 year old to know.

Same with my ex's cheating on me..my daughter doesn't need to know that so I told her that we fell out of love and decided to divorce. Why put that burden of knowledge on her?
 
ditto

i never forget

when i hve some old baby memeries anf i keep talk to my mother and when i found out my mother last name is angela sanders that strike me and that night i ask her who born me and she say i born you if i don"t born you . you never here. that turn me off few month i keep prtect myself i never like my mother she disrepect deaf culiture and few month later i ask dad alone and he told me hontley and which really confuse me . i wish my family are christian and will tell the truth frist time
 
compassion

I look back and am impressed at the careful compassion we experienced. Our mother committed suicide when we were very young. Such a thing is like a bomb on a family and the crater is always there forever. We all learned to walk carefully around that craters edge. We had huge questions as children about it but there were no real answers and as much as we thought about those big questions we did not ask so much as entering in to those careful answers did not really help. It was far different America then as well. Like Shel said and we knew it too there were concerns about the burden on us childrens' minds. I respect that and agree that they were doing as best they could. Still in a way it cast a shadow on all information from the adults, mostly we could depend on questions of discipline being the straight skinny- everything else from family was suspect.
 
I usually try to beat around the bush with our son. That is, is someone in our family did horrible things, I don't tell him the truth. I just tell him that this person hurt someone and broke the law and because he did that, he have to go to jail for a long time. When our son tried to ask what it was, I told him the truth. I told him that it is embarrassing for me to talk about and make me sad when I think about it. And that I rather not talk about it with him but I'll tell him someday (and that someday is when he get older). I also told him that things are going to be better because he unable to break the law now that he is in jail and he may even learn from this experience.

I try not to lie to him as much as I can. I don't even do the Santa Claus lie either. But I do tell him about the history of Santa, what he is about, what he symbolize, and that in certain way, he is real but not like the storybook. He is real through parents. They are the ones who carry on the traditional of Santa Claus, and the magic is real as well -- Love is magical if you know what I mean.
 
CJB said:
People lie a lot in general. Not just parents to children.

Anyone ever noticed the double-standard for parents and children, though? Where parents lie to their children all the time while simultaneously expecting their children to be completely honest and punishing them if they aren't?
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Same here.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
well, some things are just none of the kids' business :) they don't need to be open about everything.
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Well, one can say "I will tell you when you are much older". That is being honest. I believe that parents should set themselves up as role models for the kids.
 
I don't remmy if ever my mother lied to me (as she died when I was young). But, in my house, I made it a rule: No secrets....and to never lie or steal.

I've had to answer a lot of questions from my 3 boys about their true parents, since they are adopted. It wasn't easy, but I knew it was best to be honest, but I also tried to "somewhat cushion the truth". Sometimes, things are better off "not knowing" and I don't offer information, just give it when asked by them. They will eventually find out the truth for themselves. And I cannot expect them to believe or trust me if I lie about something.
 
Lighthouse77 said:
well, some things are just none of the kids' business :) they don't need to be open about everything.
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A lie nevertheless. Which is fine, but I think parents shouldn't uphold a standard of 100% openness and honesty when it's a standard they don't even meet themselves. We all have to lie sometimes. Sometimes circumstances make us into liars when our intentions couldn't be further from dishonesty or deception. But people lie, it's a fact of life, so why act like we don't?
 
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