Overprotective Parents?

VamPyroX

VamPyroX

bloody phreak from hell
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Colleges forced to deal with overprotective parents

Deborah Tetley
Calgary Herald

April 4, 2004

"She calls to make sure I'm going to class or that I've got my papers in," says Sarah Longwill of her mom, Deborah Reed.

Some of the calls and queries are harmless, innocent even.

Parents ring post-secondary administrators keen to know how often their first-year son or daughter is attending class, if fees are paid up and whether teenage Johnny or Jane is passing or failing algebra.

Others -- like the meddling mother who moved in to her daughter's college residence to help her recover from a cold, and the overprotective parent who asked staff to deliver the boy's birthday cake to his dorm room -- have officials shaking their heads.

Either way, university and college staff are walking a fine line these days, trying to manage parents who can't let go and students embracing all the independence living away from home provides.

"Parents are definitely along for the ride now, more than they ever have been," said Jim Dunsdon, director of resident services at the University of Calgary. "The numbers have increased dramatically, exponentially even, although we haven't reached an epidemic -- yet."

Joel Lynn, manager of residence services at Mount Royal College, said nothing surprises him any more in the lengths parents will go to monitor their child's education, particularly of those living on campus.

"We've had fathers slip their business cards to residence staff and say, 'if you need me for anything, give me a call,' parents who want to be part of the discipline process and parents demanding to know their kid's grades," he said. "The most bizarre was the Vancouver mother who moved into her daughter's room."

In that case the mother, worried her daughter couldn't combat a cold alone, stayed a week. Staff forced the parent to leave when she began meddling in the daughter's roommates' affairs, telling the other three students when to go to bed, do their homework and to stop watching television.

Post-secondary officials are developing creative ways to ease the demands on staff and still appease parents.

At the University of Calgary, for example, administrators are hoping to allow parents to access their child's information electronically by the fall of 2005, with the student's permission. Information on schedules, grades and account information will be posted on the campus Infonet.

"It's a phenomena we are all having to deal with, adjusting to this new type of parent," said U of C registrar David Johnston.

Most agree the new parent is an extension of a new breed of student, commonly referred to as the "millennia student." Born in 1980 or later and emerging from structured lives, these students rely on parental involvement and many don't mind if their mom or dad checks in.

"These are kids who, all their lives, have been woken up for breakfast, driven to school, picked up, then driven to soccer practice," said Lynn. "They run on structure and their parents aren't sure their kids can survive without them."

First-year U of C humanities student Sarah Longwill likes to keep her mom at arm's-length.

Deborah Reed calls a few times a week and e-mails almost every night asking about grades, friends and tests.

"She calls to make sure I'm going to class or that I've got my papers in," Longwill said. "It's pretty typical but I just don't get into 100 per cent specifics with her."

Once, a professor called for Longwill, and Reed talked to the teacher for 30 minutes, something her daughter called "a horrible privacy violation."

"I'm protective and I worry all the time," said Reed, who pays for her daughter's education. "I was involved in her schooling all her life, why stop now?"

The trend doesn't end with parents either. Jennifer Neilson's grandmother gets updates at least three times a week on the first-year science student's studies, and she lives in Florida.

"When I get bad grades she wants to know why and how," Neilson said. "We have a few successful people in our family and she wants to make sure I'll make it in life."

Grandmother Altha Neilson said her interest stems mainly from an educator's perspective as she's currently principal of a private school and a retired school superintendent.

"I would never call the university and demand to know how she's doing but I do expect her to tell me the good and the bad," she said. "Just this week I read an essay for her. I would be concerned if all of the sudden I wasn't involved."

Front desk staff at MRC's student residence are being trained on how to manage curious parents. For the first time, the college will mail out pamphlets this fall to parents, on top of summer orientation sessions geared at "letting go."

Sharon Crozier, director of the U of C's counselling and student development centre, said she fields at least 20 calls a month from parents wanting information. Privacy legislation forbids staff from even acknowledging the student is enrolled.

"On one hand parents who are paying have a right to know how their child is doing," she said, adding queries drop off after a student's first year. "On the other hand I encourage parents to start treating them like young adults. It's a really hard transition for everyone -- much like negotiating adolescence all over again."
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Damn, these parents need to get a life! :crazy: Good thing my parents don't do that to me! :)
 
:lol: I couldn't agree more with you, Vampy! I'd be driven up the wall if my parents did that during my first couple years in college, but thankfully, they didn't. They pretty much respected my new found independence and encouraged me to do things on my own...in order to learn where the limits I had on in my independence and so forth. :D
Coddling kids during their first years at college is too much...maybe a call here and there, fine...but not on either a daily or weekly basis! No fukking way! That's going overboard, I reckon.
 
jesus... i have a feeling my mom's going to be like that when i go to UT next year! *rofl* not THAT bad but.. i'll only be living 3 1/2 hours away from her so i'm sure she'll stop by my apt for "surprise visits!" lord.. i can only imagine..
 
Boy... My parents did those such things.. they want to know how's school, how's homework, what my grades are, etc.etc.. I understand them.. since they're paying college tution for me.. if my grades go bad.. they'll stop paying for my tution.. scary? heh?
 
I went through hell with my parents' surprise visits at my apartment when I had my own place for a couple years. My mom showed up with my grandmother once and she had a bunch of things for me like food, dishes, utensils, etc. I had a pack of beer in the fridge and she was standing next to the fridge. She put her hand on it and opened it a bit, but I stopped her by telling her that grandma wanted her. So, she closed it and walked away. I then took care of the food myself. Jeez, she was getting in everything!
 
VamPyroX said:
I went through hell with my parents' surprise visits at my apartment when I had my own place for a couple years. My mom showed up with my grandmother once and she had a bunch of things for me like food, dishes, utensils, etc. I had a pack of beer in the fridge and she was standing next to the fridge. She put her hand on it and opened it a bit, but I stopped her by telling her that grandma wanted her. So, she closed it and walked away. I then took care of the food myself. Jeez, she was getting in everything!
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ur parents would freak out if you have beer?
 
Yep, Some Parents do freak out if they saw 12/24 pack of beer in ur Room...They Might be thinking you are party a lot than doing ur Schooling.

My College Friend told me how her Mother walked in on her while she was in bed with her boyfriend and then pulled her out of the Dorm and School now she had no choice to go to College near her hometown. She was Really Upset about it.
 
VamPyroX said:
I went through hell with my parents' surprise visits at my apartment when I had my own place for a couple years. My mom showed up with my grandmother once and she had a bunch of things for me like food, dishes, utensils, etc. I had a pack of beer in the fridge and she was standing next to the fridge. She put her hand on it and opened it a bit, but I stopped her by telling her that grandma wanted her. So, she closed it and walked away. I then took care of the food myself. Jeez, she was getting in everything!
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Did your grandmother and mom find your condoms ? :giggle:

Otherwise, I would prefer to call my sons first before I will visit their places. They are still in my nest.

After midnight, I would be worry and wonder, where they were. I would call my son on his cell phone to ask him. Where are you?
 
Wow. I should be grateful to my mom. althougth I own her nothing-- she is not paying for my college tutition and I am getting on my feet by supporting myself with small odd-end jobs so I don't have to have "debt" to my mom. The only thing that "bonds" me and my mom is that we still live under the same roof. She never bugs me about my school-- EVER. Not even during high school. She pretty much leaves me alone. The only thing she is concerned that I *will* get a degree within several years-- and if I am processing well then she can just forget that little whip. ;) Yet I still want to get away from Mom some more... so I will not mind moving a couple thousand miles away... :-/ I am sure she won't notice my absence ;)
 
I wouldn't blame parents for snooping into their kid's college life, if they were the ones paying for their tuition and room/board. If they don't pay for squat, I'd tell them to bug off.
 
delectable said:
I wouldn't blame parents for snooping into their kid's college life, if they were the ones paying for their tuition and room/board. If they don't pay for squat, I'd tell them to bug off.
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Okay, I pay for your wedding/honeymoon... therefore, I have a right to know exactly what you did during your honeymoon... even the sex details!
 
I am first year college student... I do live with my mom, I just mind my own business. Since I attend community college, I tend to go out alot and go to school. My mom isn't that overprotective parent, she just let me fend myself.
 
My mum doesn't bug me about grades and stuff. But she does ask each semester whether if I passed or not :)
In this area, she's not overprotective as she believes in my abilities but in other ways such as where I am and such, oh yeah...
 
One thing to make yourself very sure that your parents won't bother you in school is to go to a school that's far away from your parent's house! :thumb:
 
VamPyroX said:
One thing to make yourself very sure that your parents won't bother you in school is to go to a school that's far away from your parent's house! :thumb:
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Or in a different country. ;)

Like I said in my previous post that my parents weren't too overly protective of me during my first couple of years out of high school.
My mum and sister, both and myself stay in touch as much as we can via e-mails and online IM's. It's a bit difficult due to time differences between US/Australia.
 
Heh.... I really don't go to collage right now... started when I was like 18, but after the first couple years I just stopped to take a long break for other things like full-time jobs and such.

But yeah, I know the feeling of overprotective parents. *rolls eyes*

She's always asking me if I paid my bills on time or snoops into anything new I got, even if its just food. She also looks around for the recipt for anything I paid for, every time she comes over to my apartment.... and at times she still treats me like a little girl, which just plain annoys me at times... *groans*
 
My mother wasn't overprotective and emailed and im'ed me only for important things. My dad sends me letters once in a while and always says that he hopes I'm doing well and doesn't ask quesitons. But one of my buddies tells my sister on im about stuff that happens and sometimes she tells our parents. :ugh:

RedFox
 
GIVE THEM A WORRY BOX!! Tell them to stare at it when they are damn worrying...........
 
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