Out of place

[earth2venus]

Hello! I am Venus, I am profoundly deaf in one ear and severely hard of hearing in the other. I am a teenager live in California. I do not speak English well, (writing is GOOD enough) and my family is hearing so I am self taught in ASL, and fluent, but not natural yet. I feel out of place among Deaf community in my area since I wear hearing aids and my sign is sometimes bad, and I am not profoundly deaf in both ears. I do not fit in among hearing teens because my accent and poor English are made fun of. I feel very frustrated. Does anyone offer guidance?

 

[x1heavy]

Two things.

When I was a teen, there was strictly Deaf (Includes HOH, some deaf, alot of deaf and others) its all labeled deaf. And you had the hearing world. (Everyone else)

A side part of that simple dividing of people, you also had trainable and deaf and dumb. Which was not too far behind my time as a teen, they still had that in some areas.

When I entered MSD Columbia at 6 to 7 years old my primary communication was pointing or certain sounds. The family knew whats up then and go from there. Otherwise they simply did not bother. So I had nothing at 6 or so. Once I was given Hearing Aids I could hear (I remember that first day clearly with them in terms of sound and engagement with the world in here and now) I was sent to a new deaf school just built. My first day (Monday 8 am) a teacher named Sandra Brown, a younger 20 something sat me down and taught me A, B, C and 1 through 10 in less than a hour.

Once I had that I was given simple letters on board in english. A B C and 1 to 10. Then I was taught the Roman Number system stacking numbers to letters. For example 1 C in sign means 100 in number. C is Roman for 100. M is 1000. etc. The actual sign for 1000 is slightly different in Signed English of the time. ASL was not fully formed then.

Then I was told have a good day and enjoy my new Deaf Friends. (School day and later dormitory with day and night associating with them for the whole week.) By the end of that first week I had pretty much all of the useful words in sign language (The first few were dirty, banned, sexual words taught... the good ones... by the other kids... ha...)

That took care of most the sign language, the classes with the teachers and so on filled in the rest. Thats the deaf culture to me. Those four years with the deaf was very good. Got a girlfriend and so on everything was possible)

However since I had hearing aids and could hear everyone talking but did not know how to speak english... (VERY few words for home etc) well. The state assigned a Speech Pathologist to sit with me and go through essentially the whole language that was possible. Learn a word. Learn how to say it repeat until said properly. Then next word. And so on sheer memory. Stack words to sentances and go from there. Once she thought I had enough I was cut loose to try my luck with the hearing which at the time was my family.

Here is the kicker.

The State thought oh boy here is a Deaf child very good with sign language and very good with speaking. (Total Communication System, sign and voice together... there are books on that system by Dr. David Denton and others who built that system for my school then.) Send this one to public school.

And so the 5th grade in Pot Spring Elementry via special education with I think 15 other deaf and certain limitations was the beginning of my public hearing school in Timonium Maryland. A experiment by the state. See what happens when they sent deaf to hearing school. (Many negative things at that time but not addressed, for example I had a world with the deaf which was stopped the minute I attended public school with the hearing that now it's time to get going with them. I did not know anyone that first year. What a mess)

Anyway I did two years in elementry, then 3 in Middle School (The School Grades were changed between Middle (Jr High) and High Schools for 9th to 12th) Middle School was still supported by a special education class home room but with most of the original 15 with me who by then knew each other with some new students to meet and get to know in addition to the hearing kids in that school back then. (Pine Grove near Baltimore) that school was a little bit skilled in working both deaf and hearing so I got to where its no problem functioning between the two worlds.

When I entered high school in the 9th grade it was 2000 hearing plus and one of me. A deaf. The Bus had 50 and me the deaf. Always back around to me the deaf. NONE of the hearing were in a situation to deal with deaf. They did not have deaf in their family. If they DID those are the ones packed off to a far away school just for the deaf and have no social ability to deal with any deaf in a high school. By then I could communicate very well. I was reading college material by then. Such a book worm then.

The situation there caused too many conflicts of personality backed by the ... form of elitism among the rural farming community that we were in. This deaf (Me) was too stupid for anything other than to throw hay bales. Not expected to be learning anything and experienced discrimination on a vast scale there. Considering the differences with the previous two schools (Including a Third called Waterloo Elementry next to Columbia MSD in Maryland) you had thousands of children about the same age. No real problems other than beating up a few bullies.... That settled many things as well.

Two in particular was a REAL problem both in school and also on the bus. (I'll get to these two in a minute)

Anyway. I told my parents thats enough of that public school BS. I was sharpening my fighting everytime they tried to bully and tease away from the teachers. In those days thats what society did to exclude anyone who was deemed not a fit. And was not included. Etc. By violence. So I learned violence and when and how to apply it that year. Thats all I learned against these big strapping farm boys. And they could hit. so there was no public education of any value that whole year just how to fight against one to three people at the same time and not let yourself get hurt too bad.

They enrolled me back into the Deaf System for high school. 10th through 12th. Only more problems came up. For example. MOST of the Columbia children I spent 4 years with are now in High School. With about around a 7 year seperation between me and them. People change when they grow from child to puberty and then develop towards adults in all sorts of ways. However I was known and knew many and new faces and so on.

The other problem. In those days the english teacher was quite happy to spend 6 months of class instruction on the word Go. People have blown up about such a slow pace of instruction. I burned because in public school we are WAY past these deaf kids in high school already. So they stuck me with the higher grade kids creating more problems and conflicts. Hand me diploma and kick me out already. But only they did not. SHEESH. I wanted OUT. (I graduated and good riddance to any school then at 20 a very old man against the others)

The two public school classmates who were a problem, one presented himself to me later in life when I was a long haul trucker running into a alternator problem that starved my tractor. Replace the alternator at the shop which happened near that old 9th grade high school. Well look who comes to do the work, one of the two original problem classmates. By then I was quite hardened further and so on. Not really willing to let him touch that thing. We got to talking about that year first me telling him what the conflict was as one deaf in 2000 hearing and him telling me his view of what to do with this deafie that was nothing but trouble for everyone. (Oh really?....)

When we finished talking we were fine. he did the work top notch first class and that tractor never got sick again electrically. So it's a credit to him.

I still have trouble dealing with the hearing, particularly random strangers. I default to what I learned in my life and use their body language and other skills learned as a deaf to read someone visually then figure out what they want and go from there. What happens after that will be up to them. Good or bad. Mostly good. Sometimes bad things happen as in crimes and back to the application of violence. That was automatic.

I hate that.

Even today as old as I am, I prefer not to deal with just a stranger who might not be able to explain properly to me what he wanted. Thats a whole another problem until enough talking and questions are asked until aha, you want to know what time it is. You have a smart phone in your pocket why ask me?

Ooo smartie are ye?

HA... I can do both worlds. But prefer the deaf world myself. My wife was hearing as was my family. I leave you with the following last thought about the hearing family. When I was 21 and gained the Class A license to drive Big Rigs on our roads (Prior to the later CDL licensing after 1994) there were a few hundred alive then in my hearing family. When they found out a deafie is to drive a big heavy 18 wheeler with them on the same roads. They showed discrimination.

That to me became a education. Trucking was prefect for me because anything else in work like say a office with hearing caused more problems than it is worth. I still cause problems with suits in work places to this day because they talk too much to serve themselves.

Sound familiar?

I wrap this up with another thought. When I graduated and left, MSD gained a new leader who himself was deaf. Problems began when there was a culture of elitism, racism and selective application of bullying to their own deaf among themselves. For example....

Just to be a little bit deaf? **Tsk tsk tsk, so sad not deaf. And then you are treated badly. A form of elitsm or discrimination from deaf to deaf. Throw in a new generation of children who had deaf parents graduating either MSD or later Galludet and then those new kids attend MSD and were given top everything at the expense of everyone else there. The Insitution or School had forgotten that any deaf is just equally deaf to be served and taught etc.

Now we get into little bit deaf, HOH, speech problems, stuttering and other issues way beyond just deaf.

That lasted almost 30 years. I had been away busy Trucking and was not aware of it. Well... To me thats flat BS and a waste of everyones time. You are either hearing or deaf.

No wonder you were trapped between deaf and hearing like I was. Make a choice.

 

[x1heavy]

There is a post count limit so this second post is a encouragement to the OP. With a question.

You write beautifully. AWESOME.

Why can't you speak equally beautifully by now?

A simple question. Something for you to consider.

 

[Old Analog]

There were several young ones on here, have to do some looking to find names, one I rember valorrien, read page 87 of late on set deafness under our world our culture

 

[malus handle]

Hello! I am Venus, I am profoundly deaf in one ear and severely hard of hearing in the other. I am a teenager live in California. I do not speak English well, (writing is GOOD enough) and my family is hearing so I am self taught in ASL, and fluent, but not natural yet. I feel out of place among Deaf community in my area since I wear hearing aids and my sign is sometimes bad, and I am not profoundly deaf in both ears. I do not fit in among hearing teens because my accent and poor English are made fun of. I feel very frustrated. Does anyone offer guidance?

 

[malus handle]

For me, guidance came in the form of well tuned music, I'll tell you why.
When I woke up in the hospital with only one ear, my brain patterns were at a total loss at first, to find new pathways. Every sound was now directed into my "good" ear, and since I could no longer "locate" sounds, including voices, my brain was crying out, (Tinnitus), for his brother ear, it could no longer find. Even though I could hear pretty good, I could not "cypher" words fast enough to maintain a conversation with a person. It was a real struggle for me. I had been a Master Plumber for 30 years, and "communication" was my skill, now it was gone. My eyes and hands were still good, but my sense of smell and, "two eared" hearing were not there anymore. Bad. As we, (my brain and I), adapted to this new world, we found a simple set of, "WIRELESS BONE CONDUCTION HEADPHONES", and started to experiment with my new found "listening ability", and good music on my ear, in low tones seemed to relax me. I've always had a good ear for music, and sorta became my own DJ.
Seek out good tones and frequencies, for the "hearing" you can hear, and start there, and find people with like interests. Some times, all "the voices" seem just a distraction, and hard to understand, but well tuned, "personal" music is very therapeutic to the brain. I found that I was able to speak more clearly to people when I used my hands and eyes to position them in front of me, and concentrate on them.

Put aside your I-Phone for a bit and
Try this, get a wireless bone phone, mine $47, one ear plug, a tuning fork, and a Kindle Fire with Equalizer FX. Take out your hearing aids, (why do you need one for your dead ear?) put an ear plug in your good ear (all the way in), Strike the tuning fork on your knee only, and place it in your teeth and see how long you can "feel" the vibrations. "Experiment" and test yourself in different situations to find "your" hearing zone, little as it may be, and then expand on that. Have fun with it.
I think your brain will make new pathways the more you practice, practice, the English Language, and reading good books. AND hearing every note and stop in your music. Keeping a journal helps your writing skills.

you can listen to Dr. Jordan B Peterson to hear how well articulated words are powerful.

Chin up, and look em' in the eyes.
bottom line, stay safe out there.

 

[earth2venus]

That lasted almost 30 years. I had been away busy Trucking and was not aware of it. Well... To me thats flat BS and a waste of everyones time. You are either hearing or deaf.

No wonder you were trapped between deaf and hearing like I was. Make a choice.

I greatly appreciate this. It is inspiring to see how you have come so far. I am sorry about the schooling problems, it is very frustrating. Do you think a school for the Deaf would be helpful? It is reassuring to know others understand and have been through. Thank you!

 

[earth2venus]

There is a post count limit so this second post is a encouragement to the OP. With a question.

You write beautifully. AWESOME.

Why can't you speak equally beautifully by now?

A simple question. Something for you to consider.

Thank you! I understand English writing but the sounds do not make much sense to me. In school I have a person "captions" class live for me, alternative to a interpreter. My speech is dependent, sometime it is ok enough for hearings to understand and sometimes it is not, I went to speech therapy for some time but not anymore, and I don't enjoy speaking. I am mocked for it so I am sure sound is odd. I do not mind about it, I don't hear it so it does not bother me. I much prefer sign, I hope soon I will improve.

 

[earth2venus]

For me, guidance came in the form of well tuned music, I'll tell you why.
When I woke up in the hospital with only one ear, my brain patterns were at a total loss at first, to find new pathways. Every sound was now directed into my "good" ear, and since I could no longer "locate" sounds, including voices, my brain was crying out, (Tinnitus), for his brother ear, it could no longer find. Even though I could hear pretty good, I could not "cypher" words fast enough to maintain a conversation with a person. It was a real struggle for me. I had been a Master Plumber for 30 years, and "communication" was my skill, now it was gone. My eyes and hands were still good, but my sense of smell and, "two eared" hearing were not there anymore. Bad. As we, (my brain and I), adapted to this new world, we found a simple set of, "WIRELESS BONE CONDUCTION HEADPHONES", and started to experiment with my new found "listening ability", and good music on my ear, in low tones seemed to relax me. I've always had a good ear for music, and sorta became my own DJ.
Seek out good tones and frequencies, for the "hearing" you can hear, and start there, and find people with like interests. Some times, all "the voices" seem just a distraction, and hard to understand, but well tuned, "personal" music is very therapeutic to the brain. I found that I was able to speak more clearly to people when I used my hands and eyes to position them in front of me, and concentrate on them.

Put aside your I-Phone for a bit and
Try this, get a wireless bone phone, mine $47, one ear plug, a tuning fork, and a Kindle Fire with Equalizer FX. Take out your hearing aids, (why do you need one for your dead ear?) put an ear plug in your good ear (all the way in), Strike the tuning fork on your knee only, and place it in your teeth and see how long you can "feel" the vibrations. "Experiment" and test yourself in different situations to find "your" hearing zone, little as it may be, and then expand on that. Have fun with it.
I think your brain will make new pathways the more you practice, practice, the English Language, and reading good books. AND hearing every note and stop in your music. Keeping a journal helps your writing skills.

you can listen to Dr. Jordan B Peterson to hear how well articulated words are powerful.

Chin up, and look em' in the eyes.
bottom line, stay safe out there.

I will look into that headphones. I love music played from speakers and my brother plays drums and I enjoy that feeling. Is it similar? Also I do not wear aid in right ear, it does nothing. It helps when I was young, not now. My mom urges I wear it from 2015 HAHA, that mold is not even fitting! Left ear it does help, but I find annoying to wear. Thank you so much for advice. You are awesome.

 

[x1heavy]

Molds are cheap. They are like inexpensive. You will be going through new ones over your lifetime as your ears change (And get bigger like all Humans in enough years...) What you don't want is behind the ear hearing aids with the bother and fuss with the water in the tubes that need replacing in 6 months. Its a pain. Ive used in ear models for 40 plus years to eliminate that hassle. However pricing is not improved. The new set waiting for me is about 1100 retail and thats pretty basic. The fancy ones are a bit over 7000 dollars complete with bluetooth and wireless to your phone and internet. You can play music of your choice through them (At a lecture hall for example with no one the wiser)

 

[x1heavy]

I greatly appreciate this. It is inspiring to see how you have come so far. I am sorry about the schooling problems, it is very frustrating. Do you think a school for the Deaf would be helpful? It is reassuring to know others understand and have been through. Thank you!

Helpful is something that... could or could not be.

You cannot just be admitted into a deaf school. Your case history has to pass something like 8 different barriers (How high is your IQ? Are you a previous violence against yourself or others? etc) and your application will pretty much reach all the way to if not the actual state house among the Trustees Board in charge of the deaf school which itself is a State Institution. The educational materials are less important.

I think MSD currently has room for about 500 Deaf of all ages. There are thousands of deaf in Maryland combined with disabilities, mental retardation and sometimes health issues so difficult as to require a staff caregiver with them 24/7 in and out of school. There is a special wing for these. You could teach them a few things. But they will never live life freely as adults. (Marriage, family, wife, husband etc, Children and buying a home, working etc)

So I have a soft spot for them.

 

[malus handle]

I will look into that headphones. I love music played from speakers and my brother plays drums and I enjoy that feeling. Is it similar? Also I do not wear aid in right ear, it does nothing. It helps when I was young, not now. My mom urges I wear it from 2015 HAHA, that mold is not even fitting! Left ear it does help, but I find annoying to wear. Thank you so much for advice. You are awesome.

Here's something; Take a tuning fork into a very quiet room, as quiet as you can get it, Take your Hearing aid out, no electronics, sit down and "bottom to top, and top to bottom" breathing for a couple of minutes, push all the air out. Strike the fork and hold it all around your head, and see how it feels, and how long you can hear it for, and where best it sounds. I used just one tuning fork, but you could use the whole range. Then If you can hear or feel anything, you could concentrate on those tones and those tones alone. Put your foam ear plug in tight and wait a bit, and try to hear the tuning fork. Put it in your teeth and feel the sound. You may not need your hearing aid to listen to the tones. Voice is different, and percussion is different, so seek out the voices that you can hear.
For me, the female voice suits my ear, better than the low and rumbly tones of the male voice. When I first started using an ear plug in my good ear, the "quiet" that was upon me, was very soothing indeed. With my Bone Phone paired up to my kindle, and touching the ear plug, it's amazing how clear the sounds are. I don't know if Tinnitus came along with your hearing loss, but if you have it, "good vibrations" will quiet it down. "Stress" causes my Tinnitus to flare up, so I try to stay as calm as I can. I find A-432 tuned instrumental music, very comfortable.
I also have my Samsung phone paired up to a bone phone, so whenever anyone calls me, their voice is on my ear, and I can be "hands free" and more natural in front of people. My hair covers my small bone phone, so nobody even knows I'm wearing them, or what I'm listening to. Check out the Alan Parsons Project, "Eye in the Sky". on your head phone. Let me Know.
Being "Hearing Impaired", like we are, doesn't mean that YOU are "handicapped", so concentrate on yourself, read and practice as much as you can. Your confidence level will increase.
"Hearing" and "Understanding" are two separate things.
Use your own technology when you can, it's something you have control of, and not the Doctors.
Question; with only one ear, can you "locate" a sound in a crowd? When a helicopter flies overhead, can you locate it? I can't, and that's devastating to my psyche.
The hierarchy of confidence levels is where you want to be.
You're Awesome Too,
Good Luck.

 

[malus handle]

I will look into that headphones. I love music played from speakers and my brother plays drums and I enjoy that feeling. Is it similar? Also I do not wear aid in right ear, it does nothing. It helps when I was young, not now. My mom urges I wear it from 2015 HAHA, that mold is not even fitting! Left ear it does help, but I find annoying to wear. Thank you so much for advice. You are awesome.

with these really small headphones, you can really feel the vibrations in your finger tips, and on your skull. experiment, and be curious.