Microsoft in C++ source

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LinuxGold

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#include <nonsense.h>

#include <lies.h>

#include <spyware.h> /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */

#include <process.h> /* For the court of law */


#define say(x) lie(x)

#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE

#define next_year soon

#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version


void main() {

if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
{

if (there_are_still_bugs)

market(bugfix);

if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)

raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);

}

while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{

make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder)

make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);

if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
{

market_time=ripe;
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware=TRUE;
break;

}

}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{

case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:

say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;

case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:

say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;

case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:

say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to the 32 bits architecture");

inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant 'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");

inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;

case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:

say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{

arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{

order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);

}

}
break;

}

while (vapourware)

{

introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)

break;

say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);

}

release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
{

bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{

say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{

ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this bastard");
}

}

if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
{

divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)

dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);

}

if (there_is_another_company)
{

steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);

}

}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone, for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version); }




void bugfix(void) {

charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)

say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");

if (still_complaints)
{

ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/

}

}
 
% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans
% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist]

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].
>>> >

% ^How did the sex change operation go?
^ Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

/* not csh but sh */
$ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink
bottle: cannot open opener: not found
 
ChelEler said:
:confused: HUH?!?! You lost me. :(
Click to expand...
:laugh: well. you can take a class at college to get an idea what they do etc... :)

i already took c++ classes for 2 sesempter at college :), but i still didn't get 100% idea what they do, i uddy some, not all. since i am not done with class yet.
 
Did you type that entire thing out yourself? It was funny, but since i'm guessing few people know c++ i doubt many would understand it. But it seems to be formated properly. :)
 
Megladon said:
Did you type that entire thing out yourself? It was funny, but since i'm guessing few people know c++ i doubt many would understand it. But it seems to be formated properly. :)
Click to expand...
No I didn't. I took it off from web somewhere. It was pretty kewl.
 
undy some but will have to ask my computer engineering friends.....I have a lot of those...........
 
BabyPhat21 said:
undy some but will have to ask my computer engineering friends.....I have a lot of those...........
Click to expand...
Care to post 'em if you still got 'em?
 
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