Meanwhile, on the other side of the world

Joe_customer

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I have somewhat of a unique situation that, if you'll indulge me, I'd like to solicit some feedback on.
I'm an American expatriate living in Cambodia. Shortly after I moved here, I became acquainted with a deaf teenager who regularly patrolled the riverside area with his shoe shining gear, seeking business from the tourists. He’d invited himself to sit down at my table and join me for dinner numerous times, and before long he was living with me. That was about 19 months ago. He's actually quite charming, and makes a relatively good living shining shoes, earning between $50 and $100 per month depending on the season (national per-capita being $30) and is well known and liked by his clientele. As some point a tourist made him a little card explaining his deafness and advertising his offer to shine shoes. They dubbed him "Moses," so that's how I refer to him. As far as I can ascertain, he has no recollection of his parents. There are people at the riverside who've known him to be a street child since he was quite small. He’s approximately twenty years old.
His right ear tested between -90 and -120 between 250Hz and 2 kHz, with no sensitivity in his left ear, I gather this is termed to be profoundly deaf. He doesn't sign, nor does he understand English or Khmer. There is a NGO (Deaf Development Program, I believe it’s Australian) here providing services to deaf citizens. I've spoken with them, and they've stated that they'd tried to teach him (some kind of modified American) Sign Language in the past, but that he had a great deal of difficulty concentrating and ultimately rejected their efforts. He and I communicate with a simple, improvised set of gestures, facial expressions, and through other nonverbal means. Once I was able to locate the single audiologist working in the country, Glyn Voughan of the NGO “All Ears Cambodia,” Moses was fitted with a hearing-aid. I am not that familiar with deaf culture, but I am aware there is a division among people with regard to the use of various hearing-related technologies. My view of the device is that it’s something he knew existed, and when I brought it up he did seem interested in having one, so I helped him get it, as well as a few others which I’ve modified for different input sources.
I’ve tried teaching him some English, but he does have trouble concentrating, and expressed his level of interest by getting up and wandering out of the room in the middle of a lesson. I don’t have any background teaching someone with such a special need, and I’m certainly not going to pressure him to do something he doesn’t want to do, so I’ve left it alone. He generally uses his hearing-aid while he’s playing a game or watching television.
When I moved here, my original intent was to support myself by teaching English. There is an abundance of jobs available to native speakers. My plan included provisions for attending a course in teaching ESL in neighboring Thailand. I took the course, but became quite ill before I completed it, and due to the expense of the course I was unable to repeat it. Cambodia has startlingly low standards for academic professors, and not having any certification doesn’t mean that one can’t get a job teaching, however I have serious doubts about my ability to act as a competent and productive teacher. While it is quite common for backpackers and travelers to get a teaching job and stay in Phnom Penh for a while, I can’t condone the “make it up as you go along” approach.
When I moved, I never made room for the possibility of being responsible for anyone but myself. Now my savings is gone, and I’ve failed the responsibility I took on when I brought this boy into my life.
So I am hoping that I can appeal to you in the deaf community, if for nothing else than a recomendation to "check out X organization who may be able to help." Under ideal circumstances, Moses would return with me to the United States where he could receive education and therapy so that he might be able to learn a useful amount of language, be it manual or verbal. If he had to return to Cambodia, then he would at least have a means to communicate his material needs and satisfy more of his intellectual needs. He and I communicate surprisingly well. He has a very sharp sense of humor, but there is a definite upper limit on the ideas which he is able to convey to me, and it tends to be frustrating for both of us when we reach that limit. It’s also a level of understanding he doesn’t share with anyone else.
I came here for various reasons, none of which were to form an emotional bond with someone and then leave them. Nothing can assuage my guilt for letting this happen, and there’s nothing you say to me that I haven’t already said to myself.
So my question is if there is anyone who knows of any organization who can help in some way. He doesn’t have any family or friends to take him in, and there are no social services to speak of in this third world cesspool of corruption and nepotism. Does anybody have any suggestions for keeping this boy off the street?
Please forgive me for sounding like a big bleeding heart, it’s just that no matter how messed up things may seem in the USA at times, nobody would allow a boy like this to go in such need. I generally believe that compassion is one of our srtong points. He survived on the streets before he met me, and he can do it again, but the streets of Phnom Penh are worse than anything you can imagine. I may be a bleeding heart, but I will do anything in my power to avoid sending him back out there.
 
I'm just wondering why you believe he should go to the States?

If it's because of an emotional bond between the two of you that is understandable. But if only for altruistic reasons then is he really going to be better off there?

The way you describe his life in Cambodia he sounds quite happy. You say he earns a good living for that country and he has an established clientele. He has learned to look after himself despite not having parents and has not responded well to attempts to "educate" him in the past. Maybe he is happy as he is?

Going to the US would be a tremendous culture shock. Beyond the obvious material differences the US has a much faster pace of living and people are more remote from each other compared to I assume Cambodia. Is it fair to take him away from what he is familiar with and what he knows? He has probably been successful because he has spent years building up his local knowledge and establishing relationships with his clients. Teaching him a new language whether sign or verbal will not be easy at his age either and would require significant commitment both from him and his guardians.

If you have established an emotional bond though and he is a young teenager then it may be worth approaching an adoption agency to see if he could be adopted by you? I understand that there is an adoption program between Cambodia and the US.

Sorry I hope I don't come across too negative and I think it's wonderful that you care so much about him. I'm just wondering what he thinks about it all and whether from his point of view he is happy as he is?
 
Those are all excelent points, none of which I would argue beyond clarifying what I meant by "under ideal circumstances." I would take him to the west for the opportunity to enhance his ability to communicate, his level of participation and length of stay set by his own terms. Not to negate what I said above, but I got the distinct feeling that those who tried to teach him sign were probably somewhat forceful or impatient in thier tactics, which he absolutely doesn't respond to. He also has a hand injury he is self-conscious of, a finger which is bent sideways, which I think could be repaired. He is very interested in visiting the US to sort of tour the various things he sees on the television. These are things I would present to him if I had the resources, i.e. enough money, "ideal circumstances." I am confident that he would enjoy spending time there, but my ideations also include returning here after a time.
He earns a relatively good amount of money, but without a family or group of people to share expenses with, it's not enough to keep off the streets, let alone pay for treatment should he get malaria or a bad case of dengue, or injure himself etc. He's 20 now, but in my mind, it's going to get more and more difficult for him to earn that money the older he gets. I believe his age and my financial means rule out adoption.
Your response was very thoughtful. I conceed that he may very well be happy to live as he did, as he always has, but that's going to be a difficult pill for me to swallow. Seeing the cigarette burns and scars on his body, and knowing the kind of exploitation that goes on here and the things that must have happened to him, he has a remarkably playful spirit and good nature and he'll survive. Being witness to the elements he's exposed to on the street, my impulse to shelter him, and my affection for him effectively outweigh my objectivity. I'm not delusional about his degree of attachment to me. I'm just groping in the dark, hoping there's some way he can be looked after if I must leave. I don't want to leave, but I'm afraid I've painted myself into a corner.
 
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