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The Mac User by Sign 
By Susan Miller
Aries
In life there are always a large number of people the Mac user Aries can pick on. We love Aries' heart because if there's a bomb to deploy, it's Aries thumb on the trigger, ready to blast those little PC people into outer space.
As a Mac user, Aires is mostly interested in speed and power.
Taurus
Mac Taurus users are always afraid they are going to be interrupted with whatever they happen to be doing, particularly when they are intently reading the Apple manual.
The Taurus Mac user wants to do things right, even if it takes a little on the onset, later they will be clipping along with all the knowledge stored in their good-natured, little stubborn bullheads. We love Taurus because they are also one of the most brand loyal of signs, and they own all kinds of Macs.
Gemini
Gemini Mac users made it their business to tame Open Transport early, way back when everyone else was still fumbling with AOL. In their enthusiasm for the internet -- the true form of communication of our age -- the Mac Gemini user signs up for multiple ISP's to make sure they can reach out and touch someone, even when one provider goes down.
Being the sign that rules the scribe, many Gemini are journalists so you'll find Gemini sitting there at their desk with multiple Mac's open, working on them at the same time.
Cancer
Everyone knows that Cancer is the most caring and nurturing sign of the zodiac, but you haven't seen anything until you've seen the loving nature of the Cancer Mac user. When his new Mac arrives, the Cancer will stay up all night feeding their baby disks, filling its little brain with all kinds new abilities. This lucky little G3 may even have more RAM inserted into it1s forehead so that it can zip along even faster, stunning it's Cancer parent with how much a baby can grow.
From day one it seemed his little Apple learned to AppleTalk and to Apple script, and because it was very, very good-natured, to AppleShare, making the Cancer Mac parent burst with pride. After a year, the Cancer Mac parent will of course sign up for Apple Care for his little dear, health insurance at its best. Thus we leave our Cancer Mac User, whose face is warmed by the glow of his new Sony Tintitron monitor, happy as a little clam.
Leo
Leo knows the Mac is Not a Typewriter-- You won't see Leo underline anything that should be simply italicized or caught with an ugly background on is G3 desktop.
You will find the Mac Leo continually fighting with his client to add more 3-D graphics and other masterful touches to his presentation.
At home the Mac-user Leo has all kinds of advanced touches--stereo speakers (they love sound), DVD and all the other interactive extras.
Virgo
The Virgo Mac user will buy Peachpit press books like Sad Macs, Bombs and Other Disasters, bringing 8-outlet surge protectors to hotels with him.
Virgo likes to be highly organized too, and is now relieved that the Palm Pilot no longer caters only to the clueless PC crowd, but has amended its' ways and addresses Mac-addicts too.
Libra
Of course, you will never find a Libra with a dirty Mac. You thought that was a Virgo tendency, but no, they aren't the only ones--Libra cares too, maybe even more.
Libra is also very attuned to sound, and their very favorite sound is the Mac startup chimes. As a guest in a Libra home you hear Mac's being turned on throughout the day, however it's only people arriving at the front door, not just guests but Air Borne and the pizza delivery boy too. This makes quite Libra happy and soon they are even humming the Mac chimes, which is always quite dramatic and scares the PC crowd.
Libra care how their homes look too, and have carefully chosen their iMac's to blend with each room's décor.
Scorpio
The Scorpio Mac user keeps changing HIS passwords daily, from "God" to "Secret" to "Password" to "Handsome" to "Stud."
Scorpio also doesn't think making bookmarks on their Internet browser is such a good idea--not since his boss and co-workers came to his house for dinner one night to discuss a project and they all went on his Mac to view a certain site on the net. Our Scorpio has become so paranoid that he puts his memos in Zap Dingbats so nobody will decode his work and invade his privacy on his computer (assuming they can crack his Mac user password, which is a better-guarded secret than the Coca-Cola formula).
Sagittarius
They love conventions (of course, they learn from them) so if you have to guess a sign of someone who comes up to you at MacWorld, try blurting out "Sagittarius" first.
Responding to friends who are in awe about how they are able to do so much with new technology, Sagittarius will likely mouth off: "You were a jerk not to buy a Mac!" While that may not make them popular, but by golly, it does prove them right.
Capricorn
They are proud to be Mac Users who have no Y2K issues, and if they run a business -- and sooner or later this Goat runs a big business, they will make buying Macs over PC's their first order of business.
One thing sure to surprise you is the Goat's funny sense of humor. Capricorn will joke about how many PC users it takes to screw in a light bulb. Goats tickle your funny bone at unexpected times. If you are about to have a root canal or see the IRS, your Capricorn friend will send you funny e-mails on the day you need them. Our best comedians are likely to be of this sign. Capricorn see irony in everything simply because they are so serious about everything, you can't laugh unless the matter is important to you. Bless their little Goat hearts, for it1s always in the right place---inside their Mac.
Aquarius
This sign also rules groups, so many Aquarians are members of Mac users clubs around the world.
Inevitably they are the ones we come to when we need to program our Macs to do something unusual or want advice about which Mac to buy. Of course, now that they are grown up, they want the best and newest Mac product to play with (work never seems like work to Aquarius).
Deep down, Aquarius knows that without power, they're nothing. (Just kidding!)
Pisces
Pisces is convinced that his personal Mac computer understands him. When their printer won't print, Pisces knows his little Mac is tired and will make a deal with Midget Mac, promising that it will get a deserved rest if it can just please print the final 12 pages. Wired Magazine reported once that silicon is a live element, so the fact that the Pisces Mac appears to be alive is altogether possible.
Little Max, the little talking icon on Microsoft Office 98, a computer monitor with little feet, never annoys gentle Pisces. In fact, Max keeps Pisces company on long nights at his Macintosh G3. Pisces friends can hear them talk and giggle to little Max, and they think, "Well, this is odd, a grown adult having an imaginary playmate."
By Susan Miller
Aries
In life there are always a large number of people the Mac user Aries can pick on. We love Aries' heart because if there's a bomb to deploy, it's Aries thumb on the trigger, ready to blast those little PC people into outer space.
As a Mac user, Aires is mostly interested in speed and power.
Taurus
Mac Taurus users are always afraid they are going to be interrupted with whatever they happen to be doing, particularly when they are intently reading the Apple manual.
The Taurus Mac user wants to do things right, even if it takes a little on the onset, later they will be clipping along with all the knowledge stored in their good-natured, little stubborn bullheads. We love Taurus because they are also one of the most brand loyal of signs, and they own all kinds of Macs.
Gemini
Gemini Mac users made it their business to tame Open Transport early, way back when everyone else was still fumbling with AOL. In their enthusiasm for the internet -- the true form of communication of our age -- the Mac Gemini user signs up for multiple ISP's to make sure they can reach out and touch someone, even when one provider goes down.
Being the sign that rules the scribe, many Gemini are journalists so you'll find Gemini sitting there at their desk with multiple Mac's open, working on them at the same time.
Cancer
Everyone knows that Cancer is the most caring and nurturing sign of the zodiac, but you haven't seen anything until you've seen the loving nature of the Cancer Mac user. When his new Mac arrives, the Cancer will stay up all night feeding their baby disks, filling its little brain with all kinds new abilities. This lucky little G3 may even have more RAM inserted into it1s forehead so that it can zip along even faster, stunning it's Cancer parent with how much a baby can grow.
From day one it seemed his little Apple learned to AppleTalk and to Apple script, and because it was very, very good-natured, to AppleShare, making the Cancer Mac parent burst with pride. After a year, the Cancer Mac parent will of course sign up for Apple Care for his little dear, health insurance at its best. Thus we leave our Cancer Mac User, whose face is warmed by the glow of his new Sony Tintitron monitor, happy as a little clam.
Leo
Leo knows the Mac is Not a Typewriter-- You won't see Leo underline anything that should be simply italicized or caught with an ugly background on is G3 desktop.
You will find the Mac Leo continually fighting with his client to add more 3-D graphics and other masterful touches to his presentation.
At home the Mac-user Leo has all kinds of advanced touches--stereo speakers (they love sound), DVD and all the other interactive extras.
Virgo
The Virgo Mac user will buy Peachpit press books like Sad Macs, Bombs and Other Disasters, bringing 8-outlet surge protectors to hotels with him.
Virgo likes to be highly organized too, and is now relieved that the Palm Pilot no longer caters only to the clueless PC crowd, but has amended its' ways and addresses Mac-addicts too.
Libra
Of course, you will never find a Libra with a dirty Mac. You thought that was a Virgo tendency, but no, they aren't the only ones--Libra cares too, maybe even more.
Libra is also very attuned to sound, and their very favorite sound is the Mac startup chimes. As a guest in a Libra home you hear Mac's being turned on throughout the day, however it's only people arriving at the front door, not just guests but Air Borne and the pizza delivery boy too. This makes quite Libra happy and soon they are even humming the Mac chimes, which is always quite dramatic and scares the PC crowd.
Libra care how their homes look too, and have carefully chosen their iMac's to blend with each room's décor.
Scorpio
The Scorpio Mac user keeps changing HIS passwords daily, from "God" to "Secret" to "Password" to "Handsome" to "Stud."
Scorpio also doesn't think making bookmarks on their Internet browser is such a good idea--not since his boss and co-workers came to his house for dinner one night to discuss a project and they all went on his Mac to view a certain site on the net. Our Scorpio has become so paranoid that he puts his memos in Zap Dingbats so nobody will decode his work and invade his privacy on his computer (assuming they can crack his Mac user password, which is a better-guarded secret than the Coca-Cola formula).
Sagittarius
They love conventions (of course, they learn from them) so if you have to guess a sign of someone who comes up to you at MacWorld, try blurting out "Sagittarius" first.
Responding to friends who are in awe about how they are able to do so much with new technology, Sagittarius will likely mouth off: "You were a jerk not to buy a Mac!" While that may not make them popular, but by golly, it does prove them right.
Capricorn
They are proud to be Mac Users who have no Y2K issues, and if they run a business -- and sooner or later this Goat runs a big business, they will make buying Macs over PC's their first order of business.
One thing sure to surprise you is the Goat's funny sense of humor. Capricorn will joke about how many PC users it takes to screw in a light bulb. Goats tickle your funny bone at unexpected times. If you are about to have a root canal or see the IRS, your Capricorn friend will send you funny e-mails on the day you need them. Our best comedians are likely to be of this sign. Capricorn see irony in everything simply because they are so serious about everything, you can't laugh unless the matter is important to you. Bless their little Goat hearts, for it1s always in the right place---inside their Mac.
Aquarius
This sign also rules groups, so many Aquarians are members of Mac users clubs around the world.
Inevitably they are the ones we come to when we need to program our Macs to do something unusual or want advice about which Mac to buy. Of course, now that they are grown up, they want the best and newest Mac product to play with (work never seems like work to Aquarius).
Deep down, Aquarius knows that without power, they're nothing. (Just kidding!)
Pisces
Pisces is convinced that his personal Mac computer understands him. When their printer won't print, Pisces knows his little Mac is tired and will make a deal with Midget Mac, promising that it will get a deserved rest if it can just please print the final 12 pages. Wired Magazine reported once that silicon is a live element, so the fact that the Pisces Mac appears to be alive is altogether possible.
Little Max, the little talking icon on Microsoft Office 98, a computer monitor with little feet, never annoys gentle Pisces. In fact, Max keeps Pisces company on long nights at his Macintosh G3. Pisces friends can hear them talk and giggle to little Max, and they think, "Well, this is odd, a grown adult having an imaginary playmate."
