Letting people believe I’m mute, when I’m not

[parakey3]

I would like your opinion on this. I want to know if you think this is wrong or offensive or anything like that. Even though my intentions are none of the sort.
I am a hearing person and I have a communication disorder known as Expressive Language Disorder.
I find it nearly impossible to have an intellectual conversation with anybody. Not even with the people I’m closest to.
It’s difficult to even talk about the things I like the most. I can’t talk about art, music, animals, books or even the weather!
It’s often impossible for me to even think of responses to people. I often don’t.
Whenever someone talks to me or makes a joke, I just smile or laugh, then let awkwardness take over. People have complained about me “leaving them hanging”, “being too quiet”, “not ever talking”, “making things awkward”, etc.

So I think it would be easier for everyone if I would just let new people I meet believe me to be mute.
I hardly ever talk to begin with but if someone does seem to want to talk with me, I could avoid a pointless attempt at conversation and wasting of everyone’s time by giving the impression that I can’t speak or won’t speak at all.....
I would be much more comfortable this way, and much less anxious, as well.

If I were, by chance, to get close to someone or become friends with someone despite them believing in my “lie” (which I hate to call it because I don’t like lying)-- I would tell them the truth as soon as possible.

Do you think this whole idea is pathetic of me?

 

[deafdyke]

No. I mean it's due to an expressive language issue. It IS kind of related to apraxia. You're not lying. Are you going to learn ASL? ASL could maybe bypass the block and let you express yourself on a higher language level.

 

[deafdyke]

BTW, mute is a VERY archaic term.

 

[MCB]

No. I mean it's due to an expressive language issue. It IS kind of related to apraxia. You're not lying. Are you going to learn ASL? ASL could maybe bypass the block and let you express yourself on a higher language level.

I gesture a lot. It does seem to help.

 

[LoveBlue]

BTW, mute is a VERY archaic term.

Then what word should the OP use?
Not very helpful to tell someone they used the wrong word if you don’t provide the right word to use. :smh:

 

[DeafDucky]

mute is archaic? since when? I've seen 'selective mutism' as well or something like that.

I suppose the term 'non-verbal' may work... that term was in used when I was a case manager/"social service worker"; but that doesn't always fit if a person is able make some sounds or speak.

 

[Reba]

Well, the OP is "mute" (adjective) in this sense:

adjective
refraining from speech or temporarily speechless.

https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=Dictionary#dobs=mute

Not "a mute" (noun).

dated offensive
a person lacking the faculty of speech.

OP, I'm curious how you give "the impression that I can’t speak or won’t speak at all." When you do that, do the new people also assume that you can't hear?

 

[LiliaMay]

You don't have to talk intelligently with people, we're talking rubbish every day though. The fact that you're able to write a good post here already prove you can talk interestingly.

 

[Tetracyclone]

I had an idea... but the OP has not returned.

"I've taken a vow of silence."

 

[vegandreamer]

Would you communicate better using a mobile or pen and paper?

 

[peekaboo]

I kind of understand what they are saying here. I much rather asl than speak even though I can speak very well. I express myself better when I use asl, speaking is nerve-racking when it comes to trying to make a conversation, which I am not good at.
asl might be something to look into

 

[DeafDucky]

I kind of understand what they are saying here. I much rather asl than speak even though I can speak very well. I express myself better when I use asl, speaking is nerve-racking when it comes to trying to make a conversation, which I am not good at.
asl might be something to look into

Heh... how true. When I did the Launch Day thing (where us students showed off the work we did on our main project...) I somehow ended up defaulting to ASL when explaining the project to others even though my speech is very good. I defaulted sometimes in the classroom too to ASL... I'm not good at 'presentation' or similar like what I did at Launch Day (explaining to total strangers what I did on the project)...and why I am AWFUL with interviews.

But to be fair... I suspect I would still be terrible in interviews if I just signed... ...

 

[peekaboo]

Heh... how true. When I did the Launch Day thing (where us students showed off the work we did on our main project...) I somehow ended up defaulting to ASL when explaining the project to others even though my speech is very good. I defaulted sometimes in the classroom too to ASL... I'm not good at 'presentation' or similar like what I did at Launch Day (explaining to total strangers what I did on the project)...and why I am AWFUL with interviews.

But to be fair... I suspect I would still be terrible in interviews if I just signed... ...

Yes I suspect that using ASL for interviews would not be ideal in the hearing world since they do not used to us or sign language for that matter. however, I still feel better using ASL, where I can be myself. I don't know why, I just do.

 

[Barbaro]

I would like your opinion on this. I want to know if you think this is wrong or offensive or anything like that. Even though my intentions are none of the sort.
I am a hearing person and I have a communication disorder known as Expressive Language Disorder.
I find it nearly impossible to have an intellectual conversation with anybody. Not even with the people I’m closest to.
It’s difficult to even talk about the things I like the most. I can’t talk about art, music, animals, books or even the weather!
It’s often impossible for me to even think of responses to people. I often don’t.
Whenever someone talks to me or makes a joke, I just smile or laugh, then let awkwardness take over. People have complained about me “leaving them hanging”, “being too quiet”, “not ever talking”, “making things awkward”, etc.

So I think it would be easier for everyone if I would just let new people I meet believe me to be mute.
I hardly ever talk to begin with but if someone does seem to want to talk with me, I could avoid a pointless attempt at conversation and wasting of everyone’s time by giving the impression that I can’t speak or won’t speak at all.....
I would be much more comfortable this way, and much less anxious, as well.

If I were, by chance, to get close to someone or become friends with someone despite them believing in my “lie” (which I hate to call it because I don’t like lying)-- I would tell them the truth as soon as possible.

Do you think this whole idea is pathetic of me?

I'm curious. Were you tested for MTHFR mutation? Did you ever talk when you were a toddler? I'm deaf and an ASD mom. I am in groups of parents of children with ASD/ADHD/Apraxia/ Expression Language Disorder. My 3 years old son is on Nemechek Protocol and is making good progress. Go look up Nemechek Autonomic Medicine website. It is possible you have gut leak issues that connected to your brain. In my group, kids and adults with Expressive Language Disorder are on Nemechek protocol (Fish Oil, Extra Virgin Olive Oil and Inulin) and avoid omega 6 oils. The first few weeks and months are very tough, but they're learning to become aware and speak words and a few sentences. A mother in my group started Nemechek protocol on her 25 years old son last year. He used to talk when he was a toddler, but not anymore. This year, he starts to talk a few sentences for the first time. It takes a long time for his body to get used to protocol. It can't hurt to try this protocol. Since you're an adult, you may need rifaximin from your doctor. You can join the Facebook group, The Adult Nemechek Autonomic Recovery Support Group. You need to buy Dr. Nemechek's book online in order to understand the protocol. You can watch his YouTube videos on his page, too. If you have any question, pm me.

 

[DeafDucky]

Yes I suspect that using ASL for interviews would not be ideal in the hearing world since they do not used to us or sign language for that matter. however, I still feel better using ASL, where I can be myself. I don't know why, I just do.

There's a lot of debate about that... even here on AD... whether to disclose you are deaf before any interviews. One would kind of have to if the deaf person does not have 'understandable' speech or doesn't WANT to voice for themselves. It's trickier when it's a person like me.. grew up oral- navigate well enough in the hearing world for the most part but still have issues with hearing/catching every word (I'm sure hearing people do miss words here and there but not to the extent a deaf person does). Lipreading is exhausting and it impact your ability to concentrate on what the interviewer is asking. But the good thing is... I'm seeing more pushback-- if a person needs accommodations so be it.. and if the company does not want to provide it or work with you (regardless of if their website says "WE ENCOURAGE DIVERSITY!!!") it's a company I don't wanna work for.

It's why I'll recommend my bootcamp to anyone who will listen (would have recommended the one that closed too)...they took it seriously.

 

[peekaboo]

There's a lot of debate about that... even here on AD... whether to disclose you are deaf before any interviews. One would kind of have to if the deaf person does not have 'understandable' speech or doesn't WANT to voice for themselves. It's trickier when it's a person like me.. grew up oral- navigate well enough in the hearing world for the most part but still have issues with hearing/catching every word (I'm sure hearing people do miss words here and there but not to the extent a deaf person does). Lipreading is exhausting and it impact your ability to concentrate on what the interviewer is asking. But the good thing is... I'm seeing more pushback-- if a person needs accommodations so be it.. and if the company does not want to provide it or work with you (regardless of if their website says "WE ENCOURAGE DIVERSITY!!!") it's a company I don't wanna work for.

It's why I'll recommend my bootcamp to anyone who will listen (would have recommended the one that closed too)...they took it seriously.

I am glad some people are standing up for themselves, I have a hard time doing that and be brave. I need to put myself OUT there for teh world to really SEE me for who I really AM. I wished that IF given another chance at life, I would have taken out my hearing aid and just be ME and not someone WHO thinks I should be. I am NOT hearing and really dont understand WHY they can't understand that I do not hear everything just because I wear a hearing aid is going to make me HEAR everything!

lip reading...................... very very very very very verrrrrry exhausting!!!! what gets me I work at a Hotel and i have to wear a radio sometimes and when I dont understand them , they get frustrated, but when it is there own kind ( hearies) they seems to think ITS OK to not get it and dont get mad at them for not understanding them the first time. That is so unfiar. What did we do to deserve to get kicked when we dont hear everything but a hearies get a pat on teh back like.. Oh I know I get that sometimes too, but a deaf person its like... we have no excuse for not hearing everything. you know what I mean????? Especailly when they say that they have a hearing loss..... lol... sorry hearies there are no where near close to understanding what its like to be really deaf and HOH.

 

[Barbaro]

I am glad some people are standing up for themselves, I have a hard time doing that and be brave. I need to put myself OUT there for teh world to really SEE me for who I really AM. I wished that IF given another chance at life, I would have taken out my hearing aid and just be ME and not someone WHO thinks I should be. I am NOT hearing and really dont understand WHY they can't understand that I do not hear everything just because I wear a hearing aid is going to make me HEAR everything!

lip reading...................... very very very very very verrrrrry exhausting!!!! what gets me I work at a Hotel and i have to wear a radio sometimes and when I dont understand them , they get frustrated, but when it is there own kind ( hearies) they seems to think ITS OK to not get it and dont get mad at them for not understanding them the first time. That is so unfiar. What did we do to deserve to get kicked when we dont hear everything but a hearies get a pat on teh back like.. Oh I know I get that sometimes too, but a deaf person its like... we have no excuse for not hearing everything. you know what I mean????? Especailly when they say that they have a hearing loss..... lol... sorry hearies there are no where near close to understanding what its like to be really deaf and HOH.

Indeed, lip reading is exhausting. When I come home from the hearing world, I feel like I lose so much energy and I want to jump into the bed and pull comforter over my head. I hate it. I had to find the way to fight exhaustion by exercising. Lots of squats, push up and weight lifting stuff. It keeps me distracted.

I hate it when hearing people try to make conversation with me like "I have a deaf cousin." I was like, "So?" There is a part where I really loathe is that when someone says "How can you live without music? I can't live without it. I will die. I will kill myself!" I just want to punch him in the face.

They make you wear a radio because of the policy? Why can't they text you instead of using a radio?

 

[peekaboo]

Indeed, lip reading is exhausting. When I come home from the hearing world, I feel like I lose so much energy and I want to jump into the bed and pull comforter over my head. I hate it. I had to find the way to fight exhaustion by exercising. Lots of squats, push up and weight lifting stuff. It keeps me distracted.

I hate it when hearing people try to make conversation with me like "I have a deaf cousin." I was like, "So?" There is a part where I really loathe is that when someone says "How can you live without music? I can't live without it. I will die. I will kill myself!" I just want to punch him in the face.

They make you wear a radio because of the policy? Why can't they text you instead of using a radio?

Because texting takes to long for the work I do. It would take forever, that is why I need a radio, besides the cell phone is not really Up-to-date. I have a flip phone. bwuahahahahaha!!!! * in snooty accent... imagine thattttt* lol

Not all hearies are like that but some of them ... uuugh, I know they dont understand, but you would think after years and years we have been on this earth, they would get it by now? lol oh well

Speaking of music... I hear that too... its like they say oh I am sorry i didn't know you were deaf? What exactly why you need to be sorry for? sometimes you just gotta shake your head

 

[DeafDucky]

I sometimes wonder if some hearing folks seem to think "Well you have hearing aid(s)...those amplify/make louder sounds so you BETTER be able hear! It's louder than what we hear!"

Well... loudness/amplification != speech discrimination/comprehension!

 

[LoveBlue]

I sometimes wonder if some hearing folks seem to think "Well you have hearing aid(s)...those amplify/make louder sounds so you BETTER be able hear! It's louder than what we hear!"

Well... loudness/amplification != speech discrimination/comprehension!

I see what you did there.