I agree with u..they shouldnt be telling u how to grieve. U are the only one who knows yourself and knows what's right for u. Not anyone else.
I honestly dont know what I would do if something like that happens to me. I do not even want to think about it so I dont. Probably cuz if I do, I would get too paranoid everytime my kids are out there. That's the worst thing a parent could ever go thru..the loss of their child or children.
I am sure that makes TJ so much more precious to u and I am sure u hug him a lot. 
