I Feel So Helpless!

FeistyChick

FeistyChick

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a dear friend of mine is going through a postpartum depression... I FEEL SO HELPLESS!!! :( i don't know how to help her...

what can i do for her? :confused:

she said she is soooo depressed.... gave up on breastfeeding.. PERIOD!!! cuz he won't suck on her nipple, etc.. and blah blah... and she is not talkative, shutting down or in the mood for company.... which is SO UNLIKE OF HER...

any suggestions???

i know she misses her mom dearly as they were very close... (her mom passed away a few years ago) and she gets along with her mil very well but her mil is a ROYAL PITA... AND GETS ON HER NERVES A LOT OF THE TIMES and makes it harder for her and her husband... (sigh)
 
Tell her to talk to her doctor. She may need meds to help her cope with the depression. If she's stop nursing, meds won't be a big deal. If she won't hear of that, talk to her husband. She sounds like she's heading for serious trouble, and might need some help to deal.

:hug: Feisty

I know it's tough watching someone you care about hurting knowing there's not much you can do. Have you tried just talking to her, and being there to listen? That might also help her, too.
 
Oceanbreeze said:
Tell her to talk to her doctor. She may need meds to help her cope with the depression. If she's stop nursing, meds won't be a big deal. If she won't hear of that, talk to her husband. She sounds like she's heading for serious trouble, and might need some help to deal.

:hug: Feisty

I know it's tough watching someone you care about hurting knowing there's not much you can do. Have you tried just talking to her, and being there to listen? That might also help her, too.
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even though she says she doesn't want company... should i still go over there??? i don't want to put more pressure on her cuz she is already overwhelmed..
 
postpartum depression is common after pregnancy, She might have problems sleeping, or too much stress. Plus you said her mother passed away too. Sometimes it goes away a week or two, It depends on the person really, I would suggested her to see her doctor about her issue. Maybe the doctor can help her give her some kind of medication, or go to talk therapies, help her feel better about herself. She just needs plenty of rest, I think being a full-time mom is very hard, She needs the rest she can get to feel better about herself, Maybe one of her reatives or maybe you can babysit while she takes a very good nap. ;)
 
her husband is home a lot.. and the in-laws too (they live there too) so she has plenty of help... but i don't know what is going on over there cuz she doesn't sound herself AT ALL...

should i go over there??? i don't want to interfere... and lend a hand/give her support even though she says she doesn't want company? ... i don't want them to get mad at me for being nosey or whatsoever??? :dunno:
 
FeistyChick said:
her husband is home a lot.. and the in-laws too (they live there too) so she has plenty of help... but i don't know what is going on over there cuz she doesn't sound herself AT ALL...

should i go over there??? i don't want to interfere... and lend a hand/give her support even though she says she doesn't want company? ... i don't want them to get mad at me for being nosey or whatsoever??? :dunno:
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Oh, Do whatever you feel is best, If she wants to be left alone, I guess she meant it, But if you feel that you would want to comfort her then may as well go over there and give her a hug and tell her you'll worried about her and care about her and would like her to talk to you about what is bothering her. Maybe she would talk to you about it. It wouldn't hurt to try huh? :)
 
FeistyChick said:
her husband is home a lot.. and the in-laws too (they live there too) so she has plenty of help... but i don't know what is going on over there cuz she doesn't sound herself AT ALL...

should i go over there??? i don't want to interfere... and lend a hand/give her support even though she says she doesn't want company? ... i don't want them to get mad at me for being nosey or whatsoever??? :dunno:
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If she has people around her, that does help, but they also might not be clued in to how badly she is feeling. Do you feel comfortable talking to her husband about your concerns? It sounds like her doctor needs to be made aware of things. When I think of this type of thing, of course, I think "Andrea Yates".

I would do something, Feisty. I might be going a bit overboard, but you just never know. It's better to be safe than sorry. I'd consider talking to her husband and letting him handle it.
 
Cheri said:
Oh, Do whatever you feel is best, If she wants to be left alone, I guess she meant it, But if you feel that you would want to comfort her then may as well go over there and give her a hug and tell her you'll worried about her and care about her and would like her to talk to you about what is bothering her. Maybe she would talk to you about it. It wouldn't hurt to try huh? :)
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i guess i could do that... since she lives only a few minutes from here...
 
FeistyChick said:
her husband is home a lot.. and the in-laws too (they live there too) ....
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Hmmm...maybe she already has too much "company" in the home and is feeling the stress of too much advice (criticism) and "help". Maybe if you could invite her to your house or a quiet restaurant for lunch, alone, she would have a better opportunity to relax and chat.

Of course, she should also contact her doctor, as the others have posted.
 
Oceanbreeze said:
Do you feel comfortable talking to her husband about your concerns? I'd consider talking to her husband and letting him handle it.
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not really cuz her husband is a little younger than me and kinda "anal" since it is his firstborn.. and her 2nd (she is 41)... i think i am gonna contact her sister in-law... i am good friends with her... cuz she went through postpartum depression too with her last child which caused her divorce (IMAGINE THAT!?!?) and see what she says before i do anything...
 
FeistyChick said:
not really cuz her husband is a little younger than me and kinda "anal" since it is his firstborn.. and her 2nd (she is 41)... i think i am gonna contact her sister in-law... i am good friends with her... cuz she went through postpartum depression too with her last child which caused her divorce (IMAGINE THAT!?!?) and see what she says before i do anything...
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There you go. Do that. I wouldn't be too careful about this, though. I can understand how you feel about being "meddlesome", but when it comes to these kinds of things, you can't be too "nosey". Know what I mean?


Good luck with this, Feisty. I can hear how concerned you are.

Another :hug: Sounds like you need 'em. :)
 
Reba said:
Hmmm...maybe she already has too much "company" in the home and is feeling the stress of too much advice (criticism) and "help". Maybe if you could invite her to your house or a quiet restaurant for lunch, alone, she would have a better opportunity to relax and chat.

Of course, she should also contact her doctor, as the others have posted.
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i could try... but she is very tired as she just had the baby last week via c-section... and she barely gets sleep cuz her husband isn't helpful "in the middle of the night", sadly (sigh) since he is WONDERFUL with everything else except the "middle of the night" part :lol:
 
I remmy when i was with first baby I didnt want anybody visit me just leave me alone i wanna sleep anytime altogether with my baby even my parent in law and husband's relatives not visit here, cuz I have cried for no reason i was told it is blues aka postpartium depression like at store i walked people told me aww.. beautiful baby made me cry.. huh i couldnt go store.., but nurse also told some happened babies abused by blues/depression mothers or yell at them when crying or fuss,
so her husband would make sure she needs to rest herself alone husband should help her rock their baby after feedin either breastmilk or pumping breastmilk and formula, music on, anything as try as they can but in the middle of night i dont know what to do,I woke up nights to breastfeed my both girls noon I got slept my husband helped to watch girls.. maybe u should ask nurse one of breastfeeding clinic for advice about latchin. My older daughter that i was blues she has had colic stressed me but hold my angry i knew when i better i would be guilty so I passed her to my husband and gave me back when i m better, now i m glad she is 4 now and cheerful girl i m looking at her, by the way, I am alone here before my preggy since now my family isnt here, in oversea :( i have gone through i got used being lonely now :)

FiestyChick, u maybe can stop by drop off something cooked they would appreciate so did I, i wasnt feelin to cook for my husband and older daughter all i wanna sleep with my second newborn then mother in law understood not visit but drop cooked meals and some groceries :dunno: sinceu know her well u can think of
 
I think Marie Osmond talked about her postpartum depression in a book. Let me see if I can find it..

I've always thought reading about it helps understand what a person is going through. Here it is:
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Ps. I've met her 2 or 3 times, met Donnie once, and Verl several times. Odd that I haven't met Tom, yet. Marie is a cute, classy, little lady!!
 
thanks everyone for all your help!!! REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!! :grouphug:

i just came back from seeing my DEAR friend!!! :)

it is a good thing i left my old camera there cuz i had a GOOD REASON to stop by there to pick it up!!! :giggle:

when i walked in the house.. her face LIT UP!!! she was so happy to see me to MY SURPRISE! we talked for almost 2 hours... she told me she had a rough week... with breastfeeding, having a falling out with her mil and not having privacy from her in laws as she lives with them, etc... so she decided to give up breastfeeding as her body was not producing enough milk due to LACK OF SLEEP, NOT DRINKING ENOUGH FLUIDS, DEALING WITH HIS JAUNDICE (SP?) AND BEING STRESSED OUT FROM ALL OF THE COMMOTION in the house with her in-laws, etc... today she said she FELT SO MUCH BETTER for the first time since the baby was born... and even her husband said the same thing too! ... i told them that i am there for them anytime they need me cuz they complained that the mil does NOTHING for them, etc.. her husband offered to pay me.. i said no way!!! they are my dear friends and i would want them to be there for me if i needed them too!!! sheesh!! so they are aware that i am there for them anytime they need me... so my SURPRISE VISIT TO THEM TODAY WAS WORTHWHILE AFTERALL!!! :thumb:

now EVERYONE IS HAPPY!!! :grouphug:

i am going there on wed to keep her company while her husband goes to do his affairs... can't wait to HOLD that LIL CUTE BUTTON!!! :D i haven't been able to hold him yet since i have been sick with the virus :squint:
 
FeistyChick said:
now EVERYONE IS HAPPY!!! :grouphug:
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Whew! That's great news! I am very glad for you and your friend. :)
 
that wonderful feisty Glad you did go over and it was very good idea to leave camera there lol.

I just believe they just need to see you for something new and probably some comfortings as well.
 
Good to hear all is well, she is lucky to have you as understanding friend. :hug:
 
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