How Do You Approach.....

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Angel

♥"Concrete Angel"♥
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How do you approach the subject of the death of a family member with your child?....I remember when I was little we used to live in Chicago, my mom told me that our grandfather died, which we didn't really understand the word 'death' not as adult would, when we drove all the way to Ohio to see my grandmother, my sisters and I noticed the blood stains on the walls, ceiling and even on the cement in the garage, we didn't know what really happened until my mom told us that our grandfather killed himself by gun shot in his head, I remember I had serveral nightmares of seeing the blood stains in the garage and trying to picture him doing it, it was hard as a child to deal with it even when you're only too young to understand those things, but I was really sad because he was no longer here anymore even it took me months to relized that he's not coming back..... :(


How do you approach the subject of the death of a family member with your child?
 
With Amanda (Tongueonfire) being passed away, My boys knew who she was because they met her in real life, and I had to tell them that she passed away and is with God. I explained to Markus about her disease and that she is at peace with God now, that she is not suffering anymore.


But, As Jordan being too young right now he doesn't understand, even when Maria our hamster were putted to sleep, He kept on waiting for her to return, I had to get rid of the hamster's cage so that he would forgotten about her, but for a few days he been asking questions about Maria's return home to us. When I kept telling him that Maria went back home to her friends and God. He would say but we are her friends too! It's hard to explain things like that to younger children, because being young they don't understand death.
 
^Angel^ said:
How do you approach the subject of the death of a family member with your child?....I remember when I was little we used to live in Chicago, my mom told me that our grandfather died, which we didn't really understand the word 'death' not as adult would, when we drove all the way to Ohio to see my grandmother, my sisters and I noticed the blood stains on the walls, ceiling and even on the cement in the garage, we didn't know what really happened until my mom told us that our grandfather killed himself by gun shot in his head, I remember I had serveral nightmares of seeing the blood stains in the garage and trying to picture him doing it, it was hard as a child to deal with it even when you're only too young to understand those things, but I was really sad because he was no longer here anymore even it took me months to relized that he's not coming back..... :(


How do you approach the subject of the death of a family member with your child?
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Ouch... Im sorry abt your grandfather :hug:

I remember my parents always said to me when someone died in my family or whoever that I know, they said, "they are free from here" and I smile and pointed at the sky and they nodded and said right. I got happy that they are free until maybe I became 8 yrs old or so and I understood more..

I guess I will use my parents' sentence to my own kids. "They are free from here."
 
Cheri said:
With Amanda (Tongueonfire) being passed away, My boys knew who she was because they met her in real life, and I had to tell them that she passed away and is with God. I explained to Markus about her disease and that she is at peace with God now, that she is not suffering anymore.


But, As Jordan being too young right now he doesn't understand, even when Maria our hamster were putted to sleep, He kept on waiting for her to return, I had to get rid of the hamster's cage so that he would forgotten about her, but for a few days he been asking questions about Maria's return home to us. When I kept telling him that Maria went back home to her friends and God. He would say but we are her friends too! It's hard to explain things like that to younger children, because being young they don't understand death.
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I agreed with you. I hate to seeing their sad face if something happen and keep asking if they will return home to us, ugh... Hard to explain :(
 
^Angel^ and Cheri, I'm sorry to hear about your Granddad... :( I remember you mentioned some of your posts in other threads... :(

I remember that's time my mother-in-law annonnced that she have brain tumor and have no chance to be saved that's time my Danny was 3 years old and Alan was 7 months old.

Danny watched his Oma (German language = Oma for Grandma) cried and cried... after learn from doctor that she have few months to year to be live without operation... but if she have 20% chance to be live if she agree to have an operation... Too risk... She accept without operation... Danny was like :confused: and :hug: her... It makes her worst and said to us that she want to see my children's development... Danny asked us why Oma cried when we went home.. I explained him with point my finger to sky that Oma have to go up to heaven anytime to free her pain. I never forget Danny's word when we visited Oma again on next day. Danny :hug: Oma and told her to not cry because we will visit her in heaven. It makes her cry again... It got Danny :confused: and asked again why... *sigh* I explained Danny that Oma has to go heaven to free her pain where she have pain here... Oma will not come back to here again nor we visit her in heaven. She will live with God and angels in heaven and watch us.

2 months later we came home from Xmas party and found fax waiting... It's from my brother-in-law and said that my mother-in-law died. My hubby cried... and then me... Danny was like :eek: and stared us. I said to him: "Do you remember I told you that your Oma will go to heaven to free her pain?" She gone to heaven today. Danny asked repeatly: Will Oma back again and will have bus trips? We replied: No more... She stay in heaven to free her pain and watch us... It's impossible for her to stay here with pain all the time... It's better for her to stay in heaven to free her pain. His tears come and brave because he knows Oma alway took him to bus trip every Wednesday and Saturday... He love it... :tear: Danny took it badly and know that he won't see Oma again. It's hard for him to accept it because Opa (German word for Granddad) denied to replace Oma's place to make Danny happy... like bus trips on Wednesdays and Saturdays... Show no interest on our children... It took Danny few months to get the message that Opa has no interest for him and Alan... It make him worst and miss Oma more and more. We support Danny what we can... We keep saying him that Oma is now in heaven and watch us and happy to see you... he know Oma loves us. 4 years later after Oma's death, Danny know what "dead" is thru atomsphere when he and Alan saw Oma's 90 years old Aunt died of natural death... Danny said to me that it's good for Aunt Marie go to heaven to free her pains and meet Oma there... I was like :-o because Danny remembered my words. Danny explained Alan the same... I told Alan the same...

We visited Oma and Aunt at grave to show our respect during public holidays, birthdays, easter, Xmas, etc. sometimes we stopped at their graves. I watched Danny stared on Oma's grave and remember what she did to him... Alan feel sad because he can't remember her that's time he was 7 months old. I asked Danny do he still remember Oma... He said yes.. and still miss her. I have picture of Oma with them in dining room and their bedroom... I told Alan that it's Oma's last picture of her with Alan as baby and Danny as 3 years old.
 
Oh yes, I remember when my siblings and I were young. Our mom explained us that every humans grow old and die is natural (she used to work for old people home, that's time).

My both boys know what dead are now.
 
same here

when my 2 younger cousins were killed in same car accident they were 16 that time 11 years ago actually 12 years ago sept 3rd 1994 i was wondering why they had to die that way
it make me upset and i have nightmares of the accident that claimed their lives

when my friend died almost 2 years ago of heart attack i was practically zombie
and wonder why she had to go

i miss them terribly
 
oh man! i am very sowwy abt ur grandpa, cheri and ^Angel^ but he watch over yall smile..
 
I first learned about it when my parents told me about the death of girl that I used to know since I used to be in her club of girl scout and she was murder . At that time when I walked in apt (we first moved to Nashville, Tenn) and she sat on bed and cried. I was like :confused: and tried to understand why my mom cried. Then dad walked and took me to sit down and explained. I kept ask my mom why she has to go in heaven thats what I didn't understand at the young age. So I then understood until two years after her death. So now I am bit having difficult time to explain to my son because his real parents were killed and hes 4 and going to be 5 in june
 
When children get older to the age level of understanding things about life, They would understand about death better than small children who haven't seen the real world or understand what's life is all about. All you could do, is try to explain at first, if small children still don't understand, let it go. Once when they grow up to their age level of understanding, They would get the picture about life and death. ;)
 
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