Hoh mum, hearing kids

Destiny's Sister

Destiny's Sister

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A few years ago my daughter started saying to me "Mommy, you're not listening to me". I always thought she wanted more attention, but now I realize that I was gradually losing more and more hearing and becoming complacent with my usual filling -- the --anks. I have caught myself guessing even in situations where I have absolutely NO IDEA what the person said and responding to my WAY OFF guess. I wonder how many people I have pissed off doing this. I wonder how many potential friends have distanced themselves, thinking I have a screw loose. Now I feel like I need to be very, very, very careful trying to listen and listen and hear and comprehend and make no mistakes or I will lose them too. Argggh!!!!
 
Or you could tell them about your hearing loss and ask them to be more patient with you, or write stuff down, or you could all learn a few signs together. If they are so quick to get angry and frustrated with you, they aren't worth the hassle, IMO. Just my $0.02 ;)

To be clear, I'm only referring to friends, not family haha
 
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Tristen said:
Or you could tell them about your hearing loss and ask them to be more patient with you, or write stuff down, or you could all learn a few signs together. If they are so quick to get angry and frustrated with you, they aren't worth the hassle, IMO. Just my $0.02 ;)

To be clear, I'm only referring to friends, not family haha
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Unfortunately family is the biggest problem. Impatient and judgemental and intolerant of my APD/hearing/memory issues. The only one I get along with has ADD and OCD and he is also stigmatized for his problems. I generally prefer strangers because they just tend to be a whole lot nicer! At any rate, I DO need to figure out how to educate my kids on what I need so we can get along better.
 
DeafNerdMommy said:
I taught my girls to wave their hands, ask their daddy to tell me, or pat my leg. But my girls also scream everything and stand next to me when I am around them. Hehe good luck.
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Thanks for the reminder 'pat my leg' - yes, basically remind them to get my attention first. Screaming...yes, that happens once they are super frustrated. But...Ouch...with hearing aids in, that HURTS! I'm trying to teach them the middle ground - 1. Come into the room I'm in instead of screaming, 2. Speak clearly, face me and PROJECT (good training for life in general anyway as so many people mumble and miss out on opportunities because of it). 3. Reword what you just said. I sometimes even get one of them to interpret for the other if they insist on using the same words.
 
zephren said:
Maybe as a family you take some ASL classes so at least at home you can clearly communicate with one another. CODAs (Child of Deaf Adult) often make some the best interpreters so it may be an added bonus of creating a career path option.
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So true
 
zephren said:
Maybe as a family you take some ASL classes so at least at home you can clearly communicate with one another. CODAs (Child of Deaf Adult) often make some the best interpreters so it may be an added bonus of creating a career path option.
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You know, I've been thinking about this lately. Perhaps starting with a few signs in problem areas would help. I'll have to pay attention to where most of our communication problems arise...Oh, I just asked my daughter if she'd like to learn ASL as a family. She said "No, I'm already having problems with French!" So we'll see...
 
Your relationships with family don't sound healthy and caring :(
How old are your kids?


Destiny's Sister said:
I generally prefer strangers because they just tend to be a whole lot nicer!
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How come that a stranger can be whole lot nicer than own family...
 
Ri Sol said:
Your relationships with family don't sound healthy and caring :(
How old are your kids?



How come that a stranger can be whole lot nicer than own family...
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My kids are teenagers. I try very hard to show them that I love them no matter what. I was brought up feeling like you must earn a parent's love. Definitely not a healthy environment for a child, unless of course you are naturally good at everything and have no disabilities. Hiding my 'deficiencies' was simply automatic to me - a survival mechanism I suppose. Strangers simply don't get close enough to hurt you. Sometimes they are even supportive, something that just astounds me.
 
Destiny's Sister said:
Unfortunately family is the biggest problem. Impatient and judgemental and intolerant of my APD/hearing/memory issues. The only one I get along with has ADD and OCD and he is also stigmatized for his problems. I generally prefer strangers because they just tend to be a whole lot nicer! At any rate, I DO need to figure out how to educate my kids on what I need so we can get along better.
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You definitely need to educate your kids. They are not just your children, they are members of the society - we have enough impatient, judgemental, intolerant people. If we want to change the world - we should change ourselves.

I wouldn't be so nice, if any member of my family would be intolerant toward my or anyone else's needs. Respect is important.
Everyone can get any kind of disability at any point. It is in their interests to develop nice attitude toward people with different needs.
 
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Ri Sol said:
You definitely need to educate your kids. They are not just your children, they are members of the society - we have enough impatient, judgemental, intolerant people. If we want to change the world - we should change ourselves.

I wouldn't be so nice, if any member of my family would be intolerant toward my or anyone else's needs. Respect is important.
Everyone can get any kind of disability at any point. It is in their interests to develop nice attitude toward people with different needs.
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You are so right! And I am happy to say that my oldest is the most tolerant person I know (except when my lack of hearing causes problems )
 
Ri Sol said:
Can you elaborate, what kind of problems your lack of hearing causes with particular oldest child?
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I say 'pardon?' Or 'what did you say?' probably 50 times a day. I think I just eventually get tired of saying it and just start guessing. Sometimes I feel as if the other person is on the verge of saying, "Oh, never mind!" and that's just about the worst, most triggering, rejecting, insulting and insensitive phrase a person could say to me. No doubt I have a tendency to try to avoid being told that. I didn't realize how much I've been guessing lately. I've been trying to become much more aware when I'm doing it because it has become so automatic. Needless to say, it causes a lot of miscommunication. My guesses tend to be consistent with the context...so if a kid has been giving me attitude, my brain is going to hear the words that most closely match that 'attitude'. If they were actually apologizing but think I hear an insult instead, well you can see how well that's going to work out. I also think my ability to hear and make sense of words takes a nosedive when I'm angry or threatened.
 
Have you thought of Cochlear implants?
If none of the above is option. Why not use notes? My kids bring notes, when they see that I struggle to understand something they said.
 
Yes, for about 6 years or so. Phonaks in both ears. I have four program settings - main, 'hearing in noise', muted and music. My ear canals are tiny and have a sharp bend in them so standard small tips leak too much sound and standard big ones hurt. I now have a custom tip that is more comfortable and doesn't leak the sound but I think it cuts off more of my natural hearing because it is much more closed in. The 'hearing in noise' setting doesn't help much, except it does cut out some of the road noise when I'm driving.
 
Ri Sol said:
Have you thought of Cochlear implants?
If none of the above is option. Why not use notes? My kids bring notes, when they see that I struggle to understand something they said.
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No I've not thought about about CI's. Somebody had a link to an audio of what it's like to hear through them and that terrified me so I don't think I'll be going there anytime soon.
 
Destiny's Sister said:
I say 'pardon?' Or 'what did you say?' probably 50 times a day. I think I just eventually get tired of saying it and just start guessing..
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What is wrong with saying that? It is natural for someone with hearing loss. I and many other people with hearing loss do the same.

If your oldest child cannot tolerate and understand that, you cannot tell that he/she is "the most tolerant person you know".
You need to be more stern with them, there is no point to live in hell. Families are not supposed to be that way.
 
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