Hearing person dating HoH man

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MiaRosen

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Hi.
I've been dating my boyfriend for two years. He estimates he's 50% deaf, and has been since birth (he was a preemie). His lipreading skills are amazing, so face-to-face communication isn't a problem. My problem is getting his attention when he's facing away from me. We just moved in together, and his computer is against a wall. The couch I sit on is directly behind him. When he has his headphones on (and sometimes when he doesn't), I really have to yell to get his attention, and then he's angry that I yelled at him. I always start at a normal speaking voice and raise my volume until he responds. I know sometimes he's just ignoring me (he's said as much).
How do I deal with this? I'm getting to the point where I want to throw things at him rather than yell (which I know isn't ok). He doesn't feel vibrations well either, so stamping on the floor doesn't work.
If I bring it up with him, he gets defensive and tells me to figure it out. We both agree he needs hearing aids, but he/we can't afford them or get them elsewhere.
Simply put, how do people dating/living with HoH or deaf people get their attention?
Thank you for any answers.
 
Where do you live? I'm sure we can get you info on hearing aid program possibilities.

Stomping on the floor and flashing the lights are the two most common ways of getting attention across the room. At my ex's old office they shot each other with mini-nerf guns.

In any case you both sound quite frusturated and may have some underlying relationship/communication problems you should look into.
 
I'm HOH, Sometime it happen to me when I was in heavy concentration on something, my mind get totally blocked out the sound. Few time my wife get frustrated when she tried to call me so she did threw some sort of light objects, like wad of paper or small towel to get me attention. Or other time when she tried to call me, I put my hands up with index finger pointed up letting her know that I heard it and hang on a second. That give her an assurance that I'm not ignoring her.

Let you know that wearing headphone with loud music completely blocked out the vocal sound. People with some hearing lost, it's very difficult to distinquish between noise from outside the headphone and the music itself. So, what I normally would do is to walk up to him and give a little tap on his shoulder, or give him a squeeze on his shoulder to get his attentions.

Now as far as without the headphone goes, if you already talk to him about how your feeling being frustrated of not getting him attention. Why not try to reverse role play. Explain to him first that you are planning to do that. Then whenever he call you, just try to not to turn your head, just keep going and do whatever you are doing, like keep on staring at the TV. If he get frustrated, then tell him exactly how you felt. It's not about deaf or hearing, it's about team work, it take two people to work it out and understand each other in a real world. It need to balance it out.
 
Have you thought about getting up off the couch, walking over to him, and politely tapping his shoulder? If whatever you need to say is not important enough to get up off off the couch, then don't worry about it. If it is, go do physical contact. Your immediate presence in his vicinity will make him much more inclined to listen to you and give you his attention.

If you just simply want his attention to converse/idly chat with him while he's on the computer, STOP doing that. Someone who must lipread for communication cannot focus on a computer and carry on a conversation at the same time. In effect, we must choose between the two activities. Every time you interrupt him, you are making him choose between you and what he is currently doing. That's not a fair position to put him in and makes his irritability understandable.

Are you just trying to get his attention because you're resentful of the time he spends on the computer? If this is the case, you should have a discussion about THAT.

At the same time, I think he should be a little more cooperative. It's not fair for him to tell you to "figure it out."
 
I agree with Alex get up and go get his attention if that is what you want and I may be incredibly insensitive here but I find it to be quite interesting that you are willingly dating someone who is HOH and you are complaining because he can't hear you
 
TheWriteAlex said:
Have you thought about getting up off the couch, walking over to him, and politely tapping his shoulder? If whatever you need to say is not important enough to get up off off the couch, then don't worry about it. If it is, go do physical contact. Your immediate presence in his vicinity will make him much more inclined to listen to you and give you his attention.

If you just simply want his attention to converse/idly chat with him while he's on the computer, STOP doing that. Someone who must lipread for communication cannot focus on a computer and carry on a conversation at the same time. In effect, we must choose between the two activities. Every time you interrupt him, you are making him choose between you and what he is currently doing. That's not a fair position to put him in and makes his irritability understandable.

Are you just trying to get his attention because you're resentful of the time he spends on the computer? If this is the case, you should have a discussion about THAT.

At the same time, I think he should be a little more cooperative. It's not fair for him to tell you to "figure it out."
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ember said:
I agree with Alex get up and go get his attention if that is what you want and I may be incredibly insensitive here but I find it to be quite interesting that you are willingly dating someone who is HOH and you are complaining because he can't hear you
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Well, these two post say almost everything I want to say!

One more thing, I have my phone in my pocket usually, so if anyone wants my attention when I am occupied, they can text and the vibration alerts me.

That way I can also just get up and go where I am needed because I am informed with very little effort on their part.
 
How about just walking up to your b/f to get his attention. Or put lamp on his desk and turn it off and on to get his attention. Do you have outlets that can be turn off and on with a light switch? I would hate to have someone always yelling or throwing things at me to get my attention !
 
NEVER NEVER throw things at a hoh/deaf person to get their attention. People have done it to me and it feels so degrading.

TheWRiteAlex and Ember said it the best.
 
shel90 said:
NEVER NEVER throw things at a hoh/deaf person to get their attention. People have done it to me and it feels so degrading.

TheWRiteAlex and Ember said it the best.
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This was way I got a hearing dog! So people would stop hitting their shopping carts to get my attention! Not only is degrading in it also painful!
 
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