Healing a Broken Heart

Angel

♥"Concrete Angel"♥
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"Allowing the Pain in our Lives to Help us Heal" by Susie and Otto Collins

Last year, we had been sick for two weeks with colds and flu symptoms. At times, we were in pain and had not been at our best with each other. We hadn't been as creative as we normally were in our work. Plus, some old, limiting mental beliefs had surfaced for each of us and had kept us from being as close and connected as we normally are.

It's not only health issues that can cause old issues to resurface and come between two people. It can be any emotional or physical event, such as a breakup or divorce, that happens in our lives to rock our equilibrium.

While our recent illnesses were in no way serious, we were reminded just how easy it is to slip into distance, disconnection and disharmony with the people around us. We were also reminded what a gift it is to have another opportunity to heal what is unhealed inside us.

Painful situations can be very obvious like a serious illness, the death of a loved one or a break up or divorce-- or they can be moments of frustration when our child is being difficult or not living up to his or her potential.

The point is that when we are faced with events that shake our world, even in a minor way, we have two choices--we can either stuff our feelings down and maybe lash out at others, creating distance between us and the people in our lives, or we can choose to use this situation to heal and create closer relationships.

It isn't always easy to do--but one of the keys to healing any situation in your life when there is pain is to find ways to allow yourself to feel all of your feelings--whatever they are--and to acknowledge that the pain is there.

We've discovered that physical pain can and usually does mask emotional pain. When we can recognize what's underneath our physical pain, acknowledge it and maybe talk about it, both the emotional and physical pain begins to lessen.

The idea is to shift your attention to be with your pain, to feel it and allow yourself to move through it, giving you another opportunity to heal perhaps something deeper than you realized.

It may mean getting some support in the way of therapy to help you move through your pain and heal a broken heart--or it might be taking some time to meditate, do some journaling, talk to a friend or take a walk by yourself in the woods.

A woman we know lost her mother a few years ago and as you can imagine, it was a very difficult time for her. Recently, something happened in their family which triggered her to once again mourn the loss of her mother. She allowed herself to feel her grief--she cried and then she called her son and told him about what she was feeling. As she talked about her mom, she realized that she felt a closeness with her mother and also with her son.

What this woman did was to acknowledge her painful feelings and then allow her grief to flow without hanging onto depression. She also opened to someone who loved her and who she loved and in the process, felt much better.

When you find yourself in pain and old feelings and possibly limiting beliefs are coming to the surface in your life, here are some suggestions to help you to heal:

1. Commit to healing and to love.

2. Acknowledge your pain--don't try to stuff it down and pretend that it doesn't exist.

3. Look at things in your life the way they really are. Be careful of the "stories" you tell yourself about the situations that happen to you. Don't create "stories" about the situations that make them worse than they really are.

4. Feel what you are feeling in your body--locate where you are feeling the pain and breathe through it.

5. Talk to someone who cares about you.

6. Allow the feelings to move out of your body. Give yourself permission to heal.

7. Don't distance and shut yourself off from your loved ones. Allow them to love you and allow yourself to love them back. Even though it might be difficult, think of these situations as opportunities to move into a greater, more empowered you. It is possible to create closer, more connected relationships during these times and we urge you to have that as your intention.

******************

Allowing Pain to Heal a Broken Heart
 
Divorce

"The 7 Emotional Phases of Divorce" by Debbie Burgin


Divorce, though often an ugly process, isn't always an emotional death sentence, and regardless of who we are, or what we do, we all go through the same emotional turmoil to varying degrees when it comes to divorce.

At first, going through the divorce process feels as though you've taken a size 12 steel toe to the gut (that feeling goes away, trust me). But there are typically 7 emotional phases that we go through; The first phase is Shock.

Most times, especially when infidelity is the cause of the divorce, the first reaction by the 'innocent' party is shock. The impulse is to do absolutely nothing. Yet. :)

The second phase is Anger. Once you get over the shock of being emotionally discarded, anger sets in. The brain at this time, tries to come up with a way of paying back.

In this phase, the anger was so intense for me, that I just couldn't do it. Payback had to wait until I could think more clearly. Find a way to get rid of the anger. I took up kick boxing, which worked wonders. I brought a picture of my ex to class, and taped it to the heavy bag. I punched and kicked the living daylights atta' that thing, and MAN!...What an awesome feeling! Not to mention the rush I got watching everyone else in the class kicking and punching him. :)

The third phase is Betrayal. Feelings of "how could he do this to me? After all we've been through..." are very common. Every woman that I've spoken with regarding this topic, admits to having a generous dose of betrayal for breakfast, lunch and dinner during her divorce.

The fourth phase is Sadness and Feelings of Loss. You'll mourn for happier days. Days when your emotional security was intact. It's perfectly alright to mourn for the loss of these things, but also good to realize that those days are gone, and that you're going to make new happy memories without him.

The fifth phase? Apprehension. Especially for women. Stay at home moms in particular. Now that he's gone, can you do this on your own? How are you going to be able to pay the bills? How are you going to feed the kids? Are you able to get a job? You've been out of the work force for xx years now, and who's going to hire you? Very common, and all legitimate concerns. But they don't have to be a huge deal.

Sit down, take a deep breath, grab a java, make a few lists. What can you do? Write them down. Now, what can you do (legally), that someone would be willing to pay for? Think about the possibility of starting your own business as opposed to hitting the pavement in the jobsearch jungle.

The sixth phase is Self Pity. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? What's wrong with me? Go through this phase quickly. Then squash it. Stuff happens. Your duty now is not to worsen your emotional situation. Work through the self pity. Talk to a friend, but don't whine about it too often, or you'll find in a short time, that your friends don't return your calls. I just had a friend go through that, but she realized what it was about her that was keeping the people that she called friends from calling her back. She's changed it. (We're having coffee this morning :).

And last but definitely not least is Revenge :) This was a fun phase for me. I'm not saying that revenge is always a good thing, but when someone's done you wrong, sometimes it's necessary. If you're feeling a bit vengeful toward your ex (or soon to be 'ex'), remember not to physically hurt anyone.

I've told you that I maxxed out his credit card a couple of times, and there's always the other type of revenge...the revenge that he doesn't even realize that you've got on him :). It makes you feel better, more easily able to move on, and you haven't harmed anyone physically (though in the Anger stage, that's probably all you think about).

There's no limit on the time that it takes you to go through these phases. Take your time, but once you've done them, DON'T GO BACK. When it's done, it's done. Live your life. Move on. You'll feel a thousand times better than you did at the beginning. Martinis for Everyone!

****************************

Divorce and Children
 
good topics to read... thanks for sharing that with us, angel.. :)
 
All those phases are something very worthwhile to think about but however - The last phase is skeptical because revenge may be sweet but in the end, it is not sweet when it becomes sour.

At some point, it is best to let it alone rather than meddle into revenge because you know the other party will get what they deserve at the end. What goes around comes around (and to add my own touch to this) and bites you in the butt. ;)

To deal with a heartbreak is never a easy thing to do but at the end, you are learning a lot more about yourself than you ever had and with that, you learn how to build yourself in a sense to be emotionally stronger and wiser.
 
All those phases are something very worthwhile to think about but however - The last phase is skeptical because revenge may be sweet but in the end, it is not sweet when it becomes sour.

At some point, it is best to let it alone rather than meddle into revenge because you know the other party will get what they deserve at the end. What goes around comes around (and to add my own touch to this) and bites you in the butt. ;)

To deal with a heartbreak is never a easy thing to do but at the end, you are learning a lot more about yourself than you ever had and with that, you learn how to build yourself in a sense to be emotionally stronger and wiser.


So true, and I agree Jolie
 
"what doesn't kill ya, makes you a stronger person"

I ditto that about Jolie's post... hurt is part of life it makes you a stronger person as well it wasn't meant to be. I also think this one as well "everything is for a reason" better experienced it than having none.. This will show you the way what you want from a person the next time it comes to you... Patience is the key!!

Life's too short to dwell on the hurts as there's more to life than that!! if you put positivity in your life then things will come naturally without you expecting it..

Hang there you all..
 
pretty good thread there angel thou it does happen to us men too who can be heart broken as well...I think I feel alittle better after reading this. Thanks. :)
 
Angel----

I didnt realized till I READ this on thread and it make me realize how true what you wrote.

If a person is in pain hurting from breaking up or whatever is... a person will have a long term to healing heartbreak.

I had this experinced after I broke up with my ex and--- wow I acted like that I dont care about this, because I was so :pissed: with my ex because she went with another woman behind my back for so long, so I totally forgot about in the past I dont even talk to her ever since that I left her it is strange is that I am fine now because I never really forgiven for what she did to me I feel like that I "thrown in the trash" not even bothering me actually it is long time ago.... So I'm explain with my experinced very shocked, deep hurting, and anger, too! Anyway! Thank you Angel for that posting. :)
 
Yes, you're right SteelX, it does applies to some men too...I'm glad this thread made you feel a little bit better , and you too Spicygirl :grouphug:
 
Interesting concepts...what works will work for some, while other remedies and ways will suffice for others. As with the last paragraph, revenge may be sweet, hinting at no physical harm, but in some cases, surely there are various of phyiscal damages to things and objects,...for instances, take an ex-spouse's vehicle and ransaking through it or spraying paint on it, taking a key and scraping the sides...you get the idea...those 'actions' might make the other spouse feel satisfied, however, in such extreme cases, the offender may find him/her-self facing a judge for such actions.

Overall, a lot of these concepts and ideas can help tremendously...with the bottom line being: --takes one day at a time-- ;)




~RR
 
I guess I would be somehere in those phases, i thought about revenge but it wouldn't help anything and my kids would feel it and it's not their problem. I did wonder how i would pay my bills and feed them, i have that problem solved. I've mourned and now I'm seeking healing and self acceptance. I know my divorce was the right choice for everyone involved, I feel good about that.

It was my kids who question " are we gonna be ok" my answer was yes, and that God will lead us where he thinks is best. A smile gleemed from their faces. If i was only half the person my kids think i am!
Super human to my 12 year old son is where i am in his opinion. lol!
I can't fly or leap mountains but i can certainly come to terms with my divorce and live on. As far as betrayal goes, I'm use to be treated like that and my way of dealing with is to let it go. I have better things to think about. My kid's love has been my support and my strong belief in myself.
I sometimes feel lonely but i know that will be a passing phase, with all the work on my shoulders i don't have time for it lol!
If I'm not taking my son to Karate class, shopping cleaning, cooking, working, being doctor, doctors appointments, and having fun with my kids I'm sleeping.
Hopfully i can fit some time in for one date a week lol!
 
I been needing something like this.

I haven't seen a friend of mine for year and a half. He's the only one who gets me , I could talk to him about anything , and he knows more things about me then my other friends whom i've known longer. I just feel empty , and enternally wounded. I talk to him on the phone , but it's not the same. I hate living so far away from him. I just feel messed up without him.
 
That's what I believe in that. Thanks, Angel. Even tho, trying to love them will not always mean they will love me back. What I have been going through is, they will love me "IF" I do their way. Lot of them are very unforgiving heart people. Their door is made out of thick steel, shut you off and no place for truce or anything like that. It is a very painful moments. I have someone here that seen that and stood by me and soothing my pain and even some here with me the same way. No, I don't hold bitter against them or let their hatred and unforgiving attitude affect me. Christ is the One that helps me thru this and true friends likewise.
 
love yourself first before you love someone else.

once when you love yourself, and you can handle the "LIFE" on your own, and "add" the other individual to be part into your life, and become a whole - don't allow one person destroy or break your heart because you have everything else except for a person.

think about it.

hey it's my opinion - just a thought, ya know.
 
All those phases are something very worthwhile to think about but however - The last phase is skeptical because revenge may be sweet but in the end, it is not sweet when it becomes sour.

At some point, it is best to let it alone rather than meddle into revenge because you know the other party will get what they deserve at the end. What goes around comes around (and to add my own touch to this) and bites you in the butt. ;)

To deal with a heartbreak is never a easy thing to do but at the end, you are learning a lot more about yourself than you ever had and with that, you learn how to build yourself in a sense to be emotionally stronger and wiser.

yea i agree with u 100%!

Angel i must missed that thread.. *smh* anyway, thanks put for this cuz of my heartbreak and hard time move on, it take long time be heal myself.. so i am so happy in my life and got fiance in my life and everything moved on and i feel better while i read ur thread.. thanks sweetie! :hug:
 
love yourself first before you love someone else.

once when you love yourself, and you can handle the "LIFE" on your own, and "add" the other individual to be part into your life, and become a whole - don't allow one person destroy or break your heart because you have everything else except for a person.

think about it.

hey it's my opinion - just a thought, ya know.

I agree cuz I didnt love myself when I married my first husband and doubted myself so much so it was easy for him to control me. Now, I love myself and I can give love to my current husband.
 
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