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My hubby, son & I visited Great aunt´s and mother´-in-law´s grave yesterday. (my mother-in-law died 22.12.96 aged 61 and Great Aunt died 15.11.00 aged 90).
Our plan was took care of Aunt´s grave to clean then visit mother´s grave. (we took care of Aunt for 4 years after death of my mother-in-law). My son let us know that he want to go to see his Granny´s grave. We were still working on Aunt´s grave which is around 150 yard away from mother´s grave. I noticed my son can´t find his granny´s grave... He kept on walk and look around... My son said that he feel ashamed for not find his own Granny´s grave. I went to him but my son pointed his finger to empty grave and said that he is sure that its granny´s grave place. It creeps my body as I noticed empty grave stone...and don´t want to beleive it and think I could be mistake... I walk front and back with my son and repeat to look at empty grave and knew it´s her grave place. I went to my hubby and told him my suspect. My hubby said that it couldn´t be because it´s not 25 years yet and if father want the grave removal then he must inform him and his brother. (accord father´s, brother´s & hubby´s negotiation before fixed agreement contract, mother´s grave stay up to 25 years. After 25 years, father leave his decision to hubby & brother either we want to extend the agreement contract to keep mother´s grave or not.)
He came with us to mother´s grave. We accept the fact that it´s really true that mother´s grave was being removed. We were stunned. I don´t know how to describe our feeling to you... just stunned... our word can´t come out...
It´s only 13 years, not 25 years. Mother´s grave was being removed without informed my hubby. Why? We don´t know either brother was informed or not? We stared empty grave place for a while. Yes, we were very disgusit. My son called his Grandpa monster and don´t want to invite disrespectful person to his confirmation on 18th April 2010. My hubby want to go his father´s new home straight way but I stopped him and told him it´s no good and make himself worst. I advised him to calm down for a while and find any word to positive his father in firm way, not jump to bash him... I understand how my hubby feel but it´s no good to jump on his father negatively. First we need to find out the reason why he didn´t inform my hubby... and why he do that?
How you reacts when you found out that the grave of your beloved one removed without inform you?
Make short. A few months before we found out mother´s grave removal yesterday, father-in-law gave his life estate of my mother-in-law´s house property up to move out to live near his girlfriend´s apartment (accord mother´s will, hubby & brother are owner of mother´s property and give father the rights to use mother´s property as long as he is alive). We haven´t been in that house for 13 years and was shock and disgusit how dirty and damage, father cause mother´s house. We took some of stuff and found a lot photos of him and mother including their wedding photos as well... Guess what? their wedding rings as well (I mean, father´s and mother´s wedding ring). It look like that he want to forget her and leave her belongs in that house to start a new life. We want to beleive that father forget to bring photos and wedding rings with him. We put all photos, wedding rings etc together in the box and brought them to father. We noticed his "negative" impression when he saw the photos, rings, etc and said nothing. My hubby asked him, "don´t you want them? You can throw them away if you want to. Father said oh no and thanked us. After we learn about mother´s grave removal, we talked half night and remember about photos, rings, etc. We ask to ourselves why he can´t let my hubby & brother know that he won´t take care of mother´s grave anymore then we can do that ourselves?
Why? Why? Why?
Thank you for listening and support.
Our plan was took care of Aunt´s grave to clean then visit mother´s grave. (we took care of Aunt for 4 years after death of my mother-in-law). My son let us know that he want to go to see his Granny´s grave. We were still working on Aunt´s grave which is around 150 yard away from mother´s grave. I noticed my son can´t find his granny´s grave... He kept on walk and look around... My son said that he feel ashamed for not find his own Granny´s grave. I went to him but my son pointed his finger to empty grave and said that he is sure that its granny´s grave place. It creeps my body as I noticed empty grave stone...and don´t want to beleive it and think I could be mistake... I walk front and back with my son and repeat to look at empty grave and knew it´s her grave place. I went to my hubby and told him my suspect. My hubby said that it couldn´t be because it´s not 25 years yet and if father want the grave removal then he must inform him and his brother. (accord father´s, brother´s & hubby´s negotiation before fixed agreement contract, mother´s grave stay up to 25 years. After 25 years, father leave his decision to hubby & brother either we want to extend the agreement contract to keep mother´s grave or not.)
He came with us to mother´s grave. We accept the fact that it´s really true that mother´s grave was being removed. We were stunned. I don´t know how to describe our feeling to you... just stunned... our word can´t come out...
It´s only 13 years, not 25 years. Mother´s grave was being removed without informed my hubby. Why? We don´t know either brother was informed or not? We stared empty grave place for a while. Yes, we were very disgusit. My son called his Grandpa monster and don´t want to invite disrespectful person to his confirmation on 18th April 2010. My hubby want to go his father´s new home straight way but I stopped him and told him it´s no good and make himself worst. I advised him to calm down for a while and find any word to positive his father in firm way, not jump to bash him... I understand how my hubby feel but it´s no good to jump on his father negatively. First we need to find out the reason why he didn´t inform my hubby... and why he do that?
How you reacts when you found out that the grave of your beloved one removed without inform you?
Make short. A few months before we found out mother´s grave removal yesterday, father-in-law gave his life estate of my mother-in-law´s house property up to move out to live near his girlfriend´s apartment (accord mother´s will, hubby & brother are owner of mother´s property and give father the rights to use mother´s property as long as he is alive). We haven´t been in that house for 13 years and was shock and disgusit how dirty and damage, father cause mother´s house. We took some of stuff and found a lot photos of him and mother including their wedding photos as well... Guess what? their wedding rings as well (I mean, father´s and mother´s wedding ring). It look like that he want to forget her and leave her belongs in that house to start a new life. We want to beleive that father forget to bring photos and wedding rings with him. We put all photos, wedding rings etc together in the box and brought them to father. We noticed his "negative" impression when he saw the photos, rings, etc and said nothing. My hubby asked him, "don´t you want them? You can throw them away if you want to. Father said oh no and thanked us. After we learn about mother´s grave removal, we talked half night and remember about photos, rings, etc. We ask to ourselves why he can´t let my hubby & brother know that he won´t take care of mother´s grave anymore then we can do that ourselves?
Why? Why? Why?
Thank you for listening and support.
Liebling, I'm sorry and very sad this happened to you and to anyone as well.
It must be terrible for you and your husband and family members like your son losing the grave of being removed. It is wrong to have your father-in-law not informed your husband and family members about the grave removal so that you all can make decision on where to place your mother-in-law or keep her in the same place. Your husband and your son must have love your mother-in-law very much. They want to remember her for the rest of their lives. As for your father-in-law, thirteen years is a long time and he want to move on with his life and of course he does not want to forget her but things have changed so he need to move on with his new girlfriend. As for the pictures to remember her by, your husband should have keep the pictures for himself, not his father. Your husband and your son have to let it go and move on. That is the way the cycles is for us to go through from birth to death. Anyway, I am sorry about what happen and I hope there must be a way to fix it from priest, so that your mother-in-law will be placed in the right spot.
everyone for your loving support and kind words.