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Grendel, I highly recommend that you see the movie See What I'm Saying.  I saw it this week and it was great.  An actor named Robert explained how much he wanted his mom to learn ASL.  The mother never learned any ASL.  His story about taking an interpreter to the hospital to say goodbye to his dying mother is heartbreaking.  I'm not saying that you're like his mother in any way.  I just think that the movie would help you understand deaf people more.  Robert needed his mom to enter his world but she never did.