I'm not sure I find what the hostess did rude. I disagree with what your mentor/teacher said.
I think it's rude to make someone in the service industry wait. I'm trying to think of how to say that a little clearer.
I'll use VRS as an example. I hate when I take a call, and I am very polite with my deaf consumer "Thank you for calling, i'm interpreter...", and they tell me "wait" while they have a conversation with someone, or finish a text or IM on their sidekick.
They(cashiers, hostesses, Vrs interpreters :p) are working. They have to do their jobs, and quite often they have time limits and expectations that they have to fulfill, along with lines of other people who need to be served (and are READY to be served.) I'm sure you hate waiting in line. So do all the people behind you.
If you aren't ready to do business, please finish what you're doing and THEN "get in line."
Same as people who are in line at a store or coffee shop and talking on cell phones. They get to the counter and the cashier is ready to take their order or check them out, but the person on their cell phone says "wait" while they finish their conversation. That's rude.
Regarding fitting in, I do feel badly about people who are excluded from the deaf community because they aren't "Deaf enough." There are cliques everywhere, though. They're always hard to break into. It doesn't matter if you're hearing or deaf. You just gotta keep trying until you find people who are willing to let you in.
