feelings problem?

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Disciple1512

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I am hearing dating a deaf girl. She dosent like talking about if something is bothering her and absolutles refuses to say whats going on. Her parents are hearing and dont realy comunicate with her. Is this normal with deaf people?
 
I don't know your ASL skill. Don't know if she is in bad mood and does not want to struggle with ASL when upset.
 
i can finger spell well. im good with asl ( my mom is a interpreter) and sometimes i even ask her to sign to me but she dosent always.
 
That sounds fairly typical for relationships in general. Successful communication is an art, and getting people to talk directly about what's bothering them can be an art, too.
 
Disciple1512 said:
then what do i do
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Continue to develop your relationship until she feels comfortable and secure enough to open up more. If that's not possible, then you might have to move on. How long have you been dating?
 
Disciple1512 said:
I am hearing dating a deaf girl. She dosent like talking about if something is bothering her and absolutles refuses to say whats going on. Her parents are hearing and dont realy comunicate with her. Is this normal with deaf people?
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It has nothing to do with deaf people's tendency. Same thing with the general people who do that too with other people. It depends on how indivdiuals are.

Speaking of her parents who do not know how to communicate with her then she may have expressive problem. Just talk to her and let her know you are furious that she wouldnt express her feeling with you.

I dont know how serious you and her are in relationship.
 
Frisky Feline said:
Just talk to her and let her know you are furious that she wouldnt express her feeling with you.
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Bad choice of words. Saying you're very angry because she won't tell you what's wrong might well start a new fight.

I would suggest just saying something along the lines of, "I am always here if you ever want to talk about something, even just saying it can help you out," because that's all you can do. You can't force her. Respect her privacy and if she wants to tell you, she will.
 
metalangel said:
Bad choice of words. Saying you're very angry because she won't tell you what's wrong might well start a new fight.

I would suggest just saying something along the lines of, "I am always here if you ever want to talk about something, even just saying it can help you out," because that's all you can do. You can't force her. Respect her privacy and if she wants to tell you, she will.
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bad word, indeed. but she needs to know that he is struggling to talk, but she shutted him out. she needs to realize that he's furious. Your words sounds nice but she will get away from that leaves him in a dark too long. is that what you want? I do not know how to say it in a nice way but let her know how he feels about it too. it appears to me that he is so interested in her so what is to lose. Honest is the key.

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Definitely a communication issue, how does she and her parents generally communicate. She may very well be in her own world. See what's making her become detached and work on it from there. Be firm, but never express frustration, she could use all the support she can get.
 
Disciple1512 said:
Her parents are hearing and dont realy comunicate with her.
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It may be that she doesn't know how to express what she feels or thinks into words because her parents have never demonstrated how to do so either.

My parents were like that, but I came to realize that there are in fact ways to express oneself without getting too upset or too overwhelming. I also had to teach myself to recognize what I felt when I felt trapped and to figure out how to most appropriately put those feelings into words.

But learning to be assertive and communicative is something that can be learned. Maybe if you share how you feel with her in a friendly, positive manner, she can model your social ability to figure out a way to express herself. You could also watch TV shows with her where people use their words to solve tough problems to give her a larger body of expression... I think.
 
Frisky Feline said:
bad word, indeed. but she needs to know that he is struggling to talk, but she shutted him out. she needs to realize that he's furious. Your words sounds nice but she will get away from that leaves him in a dark too long. is that what you want? I do not know how to say it in a nice way but let her know how he feels about it too. it appears to me that he is so interested in her so what is to lose. Honest is the key.
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That's what I mean, you can't force her to talk about it if she doesn't want to, and getting mad about it will push her away and reduce the chances that she will. Make your thoughts on wanting to be there known, and then leave it.
 
Frisky Feline said:
It has nothing to do with deaf people's tendency. Same thing with the general people who do that too with other people. It depends on how indivdiuals are.
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Correct. Deafness has nothing to do with it; it is her upbringing, personality, and life experience. Many hearing people are like that.

Speaking of her parents who do not know how to communicate with her then she may have expressive problem
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People that keep their issues and feelings bottled up usually do it because they've been burned for doing so. I am speaking from experience. Sometimes families teach us to keep our mouths shut as many parents do not like to deal with sensitive issues. Once we open up to our true feelings to someone, and that person reacts in a way that we don't expect, we will not reveal our feelings to that person again. It takes a long time to build up trust.

Just talk to her and let her know you are furious that she wouldnt express her feeling with you
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"Furious" is probably not the best word to use....I would say "I really would like to know the truth" instead.
 
Disciple1512 said:
She dosent like talking about if something is bothering her and absolutles refuses to say whats going on.
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Sounds more like a personality issue than anything else. I don't have much patience dealing with people where I have to guess what'll make them happy. If you haven't been dating long, this is probably the red flag to abandon ship. If you've been dating a while, it doesn't appear that she thinks much of the relationship to communicate. I guess it comes down to how much abuse you like taking in a relationship. All relationships involve work by both parties involved, but it shouldn't be a full-time job.

Laura
 
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