Fart Jokes

VamPyroX

VamPyroX

bloody phreak from hell
Joined
Feb 27, 2003
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REVENGE IS SWEET

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"
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RESPECT YOUR ELDERS

Did you hear about the old guy who went to the retirement home?

His kids had the old man in a rest home that was the best money could buy. He even had a pair of orderlies who stood by his side 24 hours a day.

The kids came to visit him and noticed that the oldster would lean to the left and the orderly on that side would straighten him up. When he leaned to the right, that orderly straightened him up.

This went on throughout their visit.

In the course of the conversation, his son asked him how he liked the home.

'The home is fine' said Dad, 'but it is these two lummoxes that give me trouble'.

'How so?' asked the son.

'How so? Every time I lean over to fart, they won't let me!'
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SILENT BUT DEADLY

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"

"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."
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