Explaining my daughter's communication needs, and other things

RoseRodent

Member
Joined
Mar 12, 2010
Messages
368
Reaction score
7
My daughter and I both have a hearing loss. Mine is moderate-severe cookie-bite and hers is mild to moderate flat, which she developed pre-verbally, so she's strongly affected by it. We are in the process of trying to get everything sorted out, but what we are really struggling with is communicating her needs in a way that can make universal sense to another person.

She doesn't need communication support with every word, she will get some things, but other things she doesn't, like cat/cow/camel she thinks are all the same, likewise parrot/pirate (doesn't help those normally appear together in pictures too!). I'm at a bit of a loss to explain her needs to people. At home we just sign any words we know so she gets the dual input anyway, but at nursery/school they will only pay for support she is defined to need and cannot function without. So there's no way we can have a full-time interpreter, but how to explain to people which words she is going to have trouble with? When you are hearing there is a nice clear difference between cat and camel, how can they guess what she might get wrong?

I have thought about cued speech, as it gives her those extra clues that she is missing, but again it depends on having someone who is able to produce it for her. But in general I am interested in experiences of cued speech with young children, as it seems to me as an adult that it depends on a well-developed sense of phonological awareness, to be able to understand that "t" is a distinct and specific sound and how it separates and blends from the rest of the structure. And how well do children cope with pronunciation differences? We live in Scotland, where pronunciation can be very different between accents, and I am English and my husband Northern Irish, we don't speak the same as each other or the same way as her nursery teachers. Does that come over confusing for a child being cued or do they adapt to it as easily as hearing children?

Also, does anyone have tips for times that we wind each other up totally with our communication issues? She will say something and I don't hear her, i want her to say it again or sign it, she often changes the subject completely to a word she knows I will get, but I know she didn't say that! Or she gets embarassed thinking she has said it wrongly and she doesn't want to talk any more. So she says something and I spend ages guessing what she said, then I eventually get it and ask her another question and she looks blankly at me cos she didn't hear me back! :laugh2: This can go around for a long time.

She has now developed a habit of saying "mummy" pretty constantly just to check if I am within hearing range, she she'll say mummy, I say "yes darling" and she doesn't want anything. Within about 30 seconds she is saying "mummy" again, and certainly if I move or she moves she does another "mummy check" to see if I am within sound range. Of course, she doesn't understand that my ability to hear the single word mummy doesn't quite match up to ability to understand a whole 'sentence' delivered in toddler formation and half sign language! She also now says everything several times over, because she is so used to me asking for her to repeat herself, so she will keep saying "I want that one" ("I won tha-wa") over and over and over. Anything she says she now routinely says three times through. I'm not too bothered about that one, though when you've all had a tough day and no sleep and she's on your last nerve it's a bit tedious, but the constant all-day "mummy" is really getting us all down. Any suggestions, pleeeeeeease? We've tried all sorts of responses, and we don't want to say nothing in case she thinks I can't hear her, and we certainly don't want to discourage any communication she is offering, but it's mentally exhausting to have her say mummy for the whole day.
 
I've noticed that alot of kids who start out mild - moderately deaf usually lose their hearing over time. Although, not everyone do... I'm guessing you two have hearing aids but I can see that the communication issue is a huge barrier between you and your daughter. This is the time to learn sign language. It will strengthen your relationship because stronger communication. Even if you don't think she need it, Apparently you do.
My sister and I are deaf and we didn't know ASL growing up. We never talk to each other.

Cued speech would probably help too if you prefer spoken language.
 
I've noticed that alot of kids who start out mild - moderately deaf usually lose their hearing over time. Although, not everyone do... I'm guessing you two have hearing aids but I can see that the communication issue is a huge barrier between you and your daughter. This is the time to learn sign language. It will strengthen your relationship because stronger communication. Even if you don't think she need it, Apparently you do.
My sister and I are deaf and we didn't know ASL growing up. We never talk to each other.

Cued speech would probably help too if you prefer spoken language.

Read it again. They are already using sign language. :roll:
 
yes, I read that, but I was talking about their relationship. It is not healthy for them to communication this way as a mother and daughter. They keep wanting to use spoken language and it isn't working out for them.
 
We are trying to learn sign (BSL) but it's a very long, slow road! Most courses are designed for adults to talk to other adults, rather than for families who want to talk about everyday things. The early curriculum for the courses focuses on asking for directions in a strange town and things like that. I'm very unlikely to ask my daughter to read a map for me. ;)

Any tips for explaining to those out there in "hearing world" why we would sign with a child who has a decent amount of hearing? I am not sure what level of deafness it becomes "OK" in their eyes, I am guessing when she "can't speak". That's why I ended up taking her up to the "families affected by deafness" mum and toddler group, because we were just not having a healthy relationship, and the signs immediately started to improve things for us. The school has been excellent, but I do always feel as if they will be questioning why I have brought a child with so much hearing to a deaf school.

I have hearing aids, she doesn't because a portion of her loss is conductive so they are convinced they can 'fix her up' with PE tubes. I am not so convinced, and want an MRI before we touch that one with a barge pole cos I think we have enlarged vestibular aqueduct. (I started out with conductive loss which turned mixed loss by high school, my mum exactly the same process). She is waiting till July for her next review and we shall see what happens and how many asses I have to kick!
 
Remember, most deaf have hearing children and they still sign to each other. These hearing children are often call CODA or child of deaf adults. So if your child have decent amount of hearing, she still can sign to you.
 
It sounds like you child may have anxiety from trying to cope with the hearing world. That would explain the need to constantly seek reassurance from you and the reluctance to communicate in social situations. Using sign language and getting more social support could help her. Have you contacted your local deaf school and other resources?
 
hi

i have capd and your dreaming if you think the school will even think about using cued speech and sign. you might be lucky and get speech therapy(Im not in good mood).

and you might get teachers who disagree will the audi i was not allowed to wear my hearing aids at school. despite cyfs(government foster care so the legal guardians) and the audi and the teacher of the deaf ALL requesting that inmate23 wears her hearing aids in class. i left school soon after.
 
hi

i have capd and your dreaming if you think the school will even think about using cued speech and sign. you might be lucky and get speech therapy(Im not in good mood).

and you might get teachers who disagree will the audi i was not allowed to wear my hearing aids at school. despite cyfs(government foster care so the legal guardians) and the audi and the teacher of the deaf ALL requesting that inmate23 wears her hearing aids in class. i left school soon after.

You might want to read that again, I already said I KNOW she will NOT get an interpreter of any kind, so how to I explain to staff who are NOT interpreters what she needs.
 
It sounds like you child may have anxiety from trying to cope with the hearing world. That would explain the need to constantly seek reassurance from you and the reluctance to communicate in social situations. Using sign language and getting more social support could help her. Have you contacted your local deaf school and other resources?

I am with Sallylou on this.

I have two hearing children and they both use ASL.
 
Thanks. We did contact the deaf school and she's actually been offered a place in their nursery. She won't get into the school because she needs to meet the local authority's idea of deafness, so unless her hearing deteriorates faster than mine did she will go to mainstream school. The nursery has different entry criteria because it's not funded, we just pay for her as daycare.

The nursery is an awful long way away. If it were on the doorstep I would not have the slightest hesitation to take her there, but it's a 45-minute drive each direction in good traffic, her current nursery is 3 minutes' walk! Nursery slots are only 2.5hrs so not really any point me going back home again. The community room is full with the mum and toddler, so I can join them if I want to and chat to the deaf mums to practice my BSL, if they don't mind my bungling attempts. Not really sure what to do. I am going to talk to them about it next week when we take her up for mum and toddler. She was in speech and language therapy till the therapist was rushed to hospital and now we just have to wait and see if and when they can get her back in again. Her language structures have got more complex since she started going to the deaf mum and toddler and introduced some signs cos she can fill the gaps with signs and doesn't have to have a go at challenging words. Her spoken words have gone a bit backwards in terms of clarity, which only worries me in respect of has her hearing got worse?

I looked at the cued speech because we both seem to be too much like hard work for the hearing world but not deaf enough for the Deaf world. I don't think it's that well known in the UK, though could be wrong. I suppose I use a similar strategy already, I like people to fingerspell initial characters, so if they say "boat" then I'll hear, lipread and have the starting letter 'b' to work with, and together that's enough information. I wish there was a cuer locally I could meet up with to see it in 3D, I can't really understand the positions from the books and stuff.

Anyway, that was mostly waffle!
 
I tried cued speech myself, got a kit, but I have to say it is alot hard on me. Because I am so- I don't know- "robotical" about phonetic. i don't know how I say things, only know how I suppose to say it. Cued speech is alot easier on hearing people because they can cue how they are saying it.

It doesn't really matter if your daughter is in the local preschool if you know they are working with her. If you feel she is getting behind, yeah, I say, it's time for a change. And ASL isn't as bad to have just only for family communication.
 
RoseRodent - Your life journey is certainly providing many exciting and challenging learning opportunities for you and your family. :)

I am a fluent cuer of English, Western Canadian dilalect. I work with a variety of children (hoh/deaf/hearing/language delays/Down Syndrome/Autistsm/communication disorders etc.) in the elementary school system. I use Cued English with all of them.

I am wondering, have you had the opportunity to contact Executive Director Anne Worsfold at: anne@cuedspeech.co.uk.? She would be an excellent UK source for your questions.

The Uk also has some on-line learning for CS here: Cued Speech E-Learning

If you feel that I may be of some assitance to you with your questions regarding Cued Speech, please feel free to contact me via pm. ( not sure as I write this if you have that option yet :) )
 
RR, you sound very overwhelmed and anxious. (I know what that's like!) Could you find some help and support for yourself? Is there a father or other extended family member that can help you? Parenting is a hard job under the best of circumstances. You shouldn't have to go it alone.
 
RR, you sound very overwhelmed and anxious. (I know what that's like!) Could you find some help and support for yourself? Is there a father or other extended family member that can help you? Parenting is a hard job under the best of circumstances. You shouldn't have to go it alone.

Dad doesn't get it, and leaves this sort of decision to me because I know about being DHH and he doesn't. He's one of those people who doesn't understand why something like this applies to a whole family. Same as with my dad being blind he doesn't get why everyone in the house reads Braille, he can understand why a blind person needs to read it but not why I might need to be able to write to him! If I push him to make a decision he'll just pick something, which will not be a considered decision, just a metaphorical coin-flip to make the "problem" (having to think!) go away.

He also hasn't had my experiences of not being able to trust in the medical system so he genuinely believes that if there is a problem then an expert will find it and deal with it because they know best. It doesn't strike him as remotely odd that the deaf teaching service has a minimum deafness requirement, nor that it requires all supported children to be binaurally aided or have at least one CI. He hasn't researched that that leaves a massive number of children who are affected by hearing loss who are not entitled to support. It's not so much he doesn't care, he just doesn't know or want to know anything that is remotely complex. If it's complex he defers to me because I am "smart". I guess it's a compliment of sorts, but it's also a Get ouf of Jail Free card.

My mum just feels the need to go "look, look, she spoke" for every word that comes out of DD's mouth to prove she is "fine", despite the fact her language is like that of a child under 2 years old. My sister is the only one interested, but only in the result of any genetic testing that might help her and her kids.

I think some of it is starting to come together now, I just get frustrated with all the long waits here in the UK, every time they need to send you to someone different you have to join another "waiting list" and that's another 6 months lost. There's no private service to speak of for paediatric audiology (that I can find!), you can go and get assessments but they all report back to your local health service and "work with your local audiology department" in prescribing, so you have to wait for your local audiology. Who are clearly not great as they have passed profoundly deaf kids on hearing tests before doing an MRI and finding them to have no useful hearing. :shock:
 
Have you contacted the NDCS to help you?

Homepage | NDCS

We are getting a bit of help from them, but a lot of what they can do isn't really suiting us. They can come along to appointments with us if we want, but we can't get the appointments in the first place, so what use having someone to come with us? We get a lot of "ideal case scenario" answers like your paediatrician can arrange for you to do such and such, but if they don't then what? Or they found out for us that the TOD only takes binaurally aided children, so since my daughter is not that didn't help us except to know that they won't help us! There doesn't seem to be any next step for all these things, just answers that this isn't the right thing to do, or another envelope full of publications we have already read that tell us all sorts of people should be doing things that they are not doing, or which say that "your education authority will arrange such and such" but doesn't tell us who we actually pick up the phone and call to make it happen. I still feel lost, quite honestly.
 
Back
Top