Done with having children?

shel90

shel90

Love Makes the World Go Round
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A lot of people keep asking me if I will have another baby in which about 2 years ago I had said that I wasnt sure. However, in the last 2 years, my feelings have been changing and I am at the point where I simply do not want more children. My desire to have them is now gone. I wonder if that's normal for someone at my age bracket?

My reasons are why I am done...my age (I dont think I have the energy like I did before), money, and time.

Also, I am getting a little annoyed by peoples' responses to my statement. They say that maybe my husband would like more (which is true) and that I should reconsider. It seems like as a wife, I am supposed to give my hubby however many babies he wants. My hubby is ok with me not wanting more children so if he has no problem with it then why do others seem to have a problem with it?

What do you think? Also, did you ever feel that way and know that you are done with having babies? What were your reasons? Just curious. :)
 
My kids were "accidents", not planned. Actually, all I really wanted to do after schooling was to "carry that black briefcase in Washington".

Life has a way of changing course....so do our feelings.

I would not feel bad about not wanting any more children. Having grandchildren to look forward to, and even fostering or adopting is another option if ur nest "feels empty" later on in ur life.
 
I can relate to the never-ending questions "Are you going to have another kid?", "When will you get to have one more?" so and on. It kinds of gets a bit over-tiring to a point for me, that is.

Even though I'm 32, I'm done with having more children. 2 kids are enough for me because I've already have my hands full with them. If I were to have one more, it would be overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I love children and I would have wanted more but given the circumstances of my son's special needs - that is what made me not want to have any more children. Money, certainly plays a huge factor as well. I also don't have the desire to have more children.

I believe that "others" have a problem seeing it because they were nurtured to see that it should fall on both sides, obligation-wise, that is but really, it should be left alone to a private matter between the spouses. Since your husband is ok with it, then I don't see anything wrong with you not wanting to have any more children.
 
Yes, my husband and I decided to opt for permanent sterilization when I turned 40. Too risky at that age and I have 2 great kids. I confess that I had a hard time emotionally coming to that decision. Now, I'm glad that I did. I only have so much time, energy, and resources.

I don't know how old you are. If you're younger than 40 it's probably better not to opt for sterilization in case you want to have a baby later. I had my last baby at 38.

It's really rude of anyone to inquire about your reproductive decisions. I recommend saying, "I don't know. Why do you ask?" If the person has a legitimate, specific question, you can deal with it. If the person is just being nosey, the person will drop the subject. If it's a family member, tell them not to pressure you!
 
I think that's totally normal for you to feel like you're done having children. If others actually give you grief over it, it's really none of their business. After all, it is your family and your life, not theirs. I used to get asked so often why I don't have any kids (I can't, really -- I could adopt, but I can't have my own, biologically) and I always felt like "it's none of your business!" Do what you are happy with, Shel. :)
 
Hm, I'm still set on having children in the future when I'm ready. Either 2 or 4 kids.
 
shel90 said:
A lot of people keep asking me if I will have another baby in which about 2 years ago I had said that I wasnt sure. However, in the last 2 years, my feelings have been changing and I am at the point where I simply do not want more children. My desire to have them is now gone. I wonder if that's normal for someone at my age bracket?

My reasons are why I am done...my age (I dont think I have the energy like I did before), money, and time.

Also, I am getting a little annoyed by peoples' responses to my statement. They say that maybe my husband would like more (which is true) and that I should reconsider. It seems like as a wife, I am supposed to give my hubby however many babies he wants. My hubby is ok with me not wanting more children so if he has no problem with it then why do others seem to have a problem with it?

What do you think? Also, did you ever feel that way and know that you are done with having babies? What were your reasons? Just curious. :)
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I'm 40 and never really wanted children, but I think so, Shel. My sister is in her late 30s and has two kids. While carrying her second baby, she decidd to have her tubes tied Two days after the baby was born, my sister was in the OR having the procedure done. It's possible that the age spread between the kids (my nephew and niece are just 15 mos apart in age), helped propel my sister to the decision she made, but I can totally see why some women would not want more children after having two or three.
 
Yes I can understand how you feel.

My hubby want to try girl with me since we have 2 boys. He respect my wish for not want 3rd baby.

Some friends kept on asking me why can´t we try one more then it might be girl? :roll: I told them that I don´t care about child´s sex but mainly important is healthy. After that they don´t ask me anymore...
 
sallylou said:
Yes, my husband and I decided to opt for permanent sterilization when I turned 40.
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How do you feel?

I am 46 years old and do not feel want to have tube tie or sterilzation... Why? I would feel being half woman if I do it... I don´t know why it´s just my feeling... :dunno2: I suggest my hubby to do it but he said that he would feel half man, too. Oh well...

I don't know how old you are. If you're younger than 40 it's probably better not to opt for sterilization in case you want to have a baby later. I had my last baby at 38.
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Very true.

The reason why many German doctors reject to have it done for their under 40 years old patients. It´s very hard to find doctor who do it for you. Yes I support doctors´ reason for refuse to do for their patients.
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shel90 said:
A lot of people keep asking me if I will have another baby in which about 2 years ago I had said that I wasnt sure. However, in the last 2 years, my feelings have been changing and I am at the point where I simply do not want more children. My desire to have them is now gone. I wonder if that's normal for someone at my age bracket?

My reasons are why I am done...my age (I dont think I have the energy like I did before), money, and time.
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Your reasons are totally valid and you shouldn't have to answer to people's expectations. If you don't want more kids, you don't want more kids. End of story.

Also, I am getting a little annoyed by peoples' responses to my statement. They say that maybe my husband would like more (which is true) and that I should reconsider. It seems like as a wife, I am supposed to give my hubby however many babies he wants. My hubby is ok with me not wanting more children so if he has no problem with it then why do others seem to have a problem with it?

What do you think? Also, did you ever feel that way and know that you are done with having babies? What were your reasons? Just curious. :)
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I would be annoyed too. "But your husband wants more kids." What? What about you? Maybe your husband wanted more children but it's a decision you and your husband make together. And since he said he's okay with not having more children and you don't want more children, that's the decision you two made as a couple.

Ignore the other people's expectations. They don't have a say in how you live your life.
 
I'm only 22 and for now, I'm done having children.... I do want have more kids, like 3 more kids as I always wanted four kids. However my son is 3 and as for now, I don't have desire to have more children.... I want to focus on finishing college and then get a job before having more children. Most likely I won't have another child until Tristan is 6 or older.... I won't graduate from College until 2013.
 
Shel,

I feel the same thing about wanting to be done with babies too. I have not yet tied myself yet. I have not make up my mind. I wanted to be done with babies so bad due to the time, money and lack of energy!
SO i wait a little longer. I am 39. I often am told to wait till 40 but some of them said, wait till 42. There are a few people who i know, personally close to someone who are in 40's and it was their either first or second or third babies. Actually, they would never thought that they didn't wanted baby before until 40 and All of a sudden they changed their mind. SO they assures me to wait till 42 then i can decide from there to get myself fixed or not. :dunno:

Good luck with your decision.
 
People have asked my hubby if he was happy with one and he has told them that no but he also told them that he respected my decision. It just seem like people are giving me the message that because he really wants more, I, as a wife, should provide more for him. WTF?
 
shel90 said:
People have asked my hubby if he was happy with one and he has told them that no but he also told them that he respected my decision. It just seem like people are giving me the message that because he really wants more, I, as a wife, should provide more for him. WTF?
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aw that sucks. Funny, they ask my hubby if he wants another kid. He does want one more but I don't want to. He respects me but my old girlfriends (from my childhood school or college) told me how lucky i am! some of their husbands wanted to be done with two kids while they wanted more. jeez.
 
Frisky Feline said:
aw that sucks. Funny, they ask my hubby if he wants another kid. He does want one more but I don't want to. He respects me but my old girlfriends (from my childhood school or college) told me how lucky i am! some of their husbands wanted to be done with two kids while they wanted more. jeez.
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My best friend is in that situation. She has 2 girls and wants a boy so badly but her hubby said no more children.
 
Liebling, my husband is the one that got a vasectomy. We discussed it and decided that it was the best decision for us. No more worries. It relieved me from making birth control decisions. I'm glad that we both agreed on it.

I have two boys, too. I didn't want to have a baby to try for a girl. IMHO, that's a bad reason to have a baby. I'm happy with my family and it feels complete. I'm not spread too thin or overwhelmed with demands. It feels right for me.

LOL@souggy. I confess that I like the wife swap show. They pick the most opposite wives that they can find--the extremes. I like that the wives usually lighten up at the end of the show.
 
souggy said:
Time for a new TV series: Husband Swap.
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No kidding! My friend needs to swap with someone who is headstrong with a husband that doesn't treat her like a 1950s housewife! Someone needs to put her hubby in his shoes and she needs to see what it is like to have a hubby who doesn't treat her as a maid!
 
I had my tubes tied at the age of 30. Two kids is enough for me.

It was a tough decision but I made the right one. I can not even imagine myself having another child.
 
In my family it always seems the roles of Mother and Father are so different. As mom I do all the staying up all night, the diaper changes, the educating, the playdates, the discipline, the baths, etc...it doesn't end for 25yrs minimum. lmaoo Daddy's seem to get all the fun stuff, so in my opinion it is easier for the father than the mother. Even with all that having a child is amazing and wonderful. If your already feeling tired then I think you should sit down and have a deep talk with your husband. Maybe your family is different and ultimately you have to decide what is best for you and your husband, not the in-laws. Hope it all works out for the best. :D
 
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