What the Holy. . .
Okay. Let's just stand back and deconstruct what you said:
Premise 1. I can't face death.
Premise 2. I don't fear death.
Premise 3. I've seen what suicide does to a person.
Premise 4. I don't want others to see what suicide does to a person.
Conclusion: I don't want to commit suicide.
Pardon me when I say this.
"Praise Allah, What in the Holy Temple of Babylon are you saying?"
Praise Umanita!
~Al-Khawarizmi